Spending time investing in getting to know others will lead to discovering common interests, learning how others work, and establishing more effective communication.
Preparation
The Savior’s Example of Making Friends, Ensign, December 2019
Introduction
Share the following quote from Mr. Fred Rogers, who was quoted in the article as “somewhat of an expert at making friends.” He also pointed out how looking for the best in others is a Christlike trait:
“I believe that appreciation is a holy thing, that when we look for what’s best in the person we happen to be with at the moment, we’re doing what God does. So, in loving and appreciating our neighbor, we’re participating in something truly sacred.”
Questions
Allow for deeper discussion by asking a few meaningful questions and waiting for responses. Don’t be satisfied with only one answer—probe for additional thoughts.
Have you ever had a friendship that surprised you—how you came together or why you get along so well?
- What do you think contributed to you becoming friends?
- How are relationships affected by what you notice and focus on about the other person—for good or for bad?
- What kinds of things can you do to show interest in your roommates?
Activities
Choose one of the following activities to involve students in discussion, or create your own based on your property culture and needs.
Option 1: The Golden Rule
This activity helps students identify the characteristics they would like in a roommate—and then become that kind of roommate.
- Divide the group into smaller groups.
- Give each group a piece of paper and a pen/pencil.
- Give them three minutes to write characteristics that embody a good roommate (examples: respectful of others’ belongings, considerate with noise, cleans up after themselves).
- Have groups discuss how they can become that kind of roommate.
Discuss as a large group:
- The Golden Rule: Treat others as you would have them treat you.
- How does this principle relate to being the kind of roommate you would hope to have?
Option 2: Creating Strong Connections
Use the following activity (adapted from the Doctrine and Covenants Seminary Teaching Manual) to introduce relationship-building skills.
- Provide a blank strip of paper to each student.
- Invite them to write at least one thing that helps develop or strengthen relationships.
- Collect the strips and read several aloud.
If needed, share the following ideas:
- Look for common interests.
- Learn and use people’s names.
- Smile.
- Listen carefully while others talk.
- Offer sincere praise and compliments.
- Avoid judging or fault-finding.
- Show genuine interest.
- Pray for people by name.
- Seek charity.
- Be patient.
- Look for service opportunities.
Option 3: Choosing to Create a Happy Apartment
“It’s not WHERE you live … but HOW” is a phrase often used at BYU–Idaho.
Students can choose to create an apartment atmosphere that is happy, supportive, and welcoming. Sometimes, through neglect of relationship-building, the opposite occurs—but it can almost always be turned around with time together, selfless service, and forgiveness.
Discuss President Russell M. Nelson’s teaching that conflict is inevitable—but contention is a choice.
Divide into smaller groups (or discuss as a large group) the following two apartment environments:
1. Happy and Comfortable
Think of a home (family, extended family, or a friend’s) that you love visiting because of how you feel there.
Discuss:
- What do the people in that home DO to help members and guests feel comfortable?
- When issues arise, how do they handle them so everyone feels safe and valued?
- What do they avoid so that peace can be maintained?
- What is the difference between silence and being a peacemaker?
President Meredith taught:
“Silence may seem polite, but it is not Christ-like. Speaking up with ‘a voice full of kindness and love’ can soften hearts and change perspectives.”
2. Tense and Unwelcoming
No one wants to live in or visit a place that feels cold or hostile. Fortunately, most environments can improve or be transformed.
Discuss:
- What causes an unhappy living environment?
- How can you tell when roommates are not getting along?
- What needs to happen to turn it into a positive environment?
Everyone Is a Leader
Everyone in the apartment can influence others and lead in natural, unassuming ways.
Invite students to consider:
- How can you “show up” for others?
- What does it look like to be a Covenant-Keeping Disciple Leader in an apartment?
- How can you lead in quiet and compassionate ways?
Examples:
- Keeping the apartment clean
- Inviting roommates to participate
- Starting traditions (dinner night, movie night, etc.)
- Personally observing standards (curfew, church attendance)
- Avoiding gossip
Videos
Short videos can be engaging and memorable. Share during the meeting (if possible) or send afterward via text/email/social media with an invitation to watch and discuss together.
- Common Ground
Helping students get to know one another by asking thoughtful questions. Pair with a quote from Dale Carnegie about showing genuine interest in others. - Invite and Include
Sometimes we assume a roommate isn’t interested, so we stop inviting them. Even if they decline, continue reaching out. It can change both how you feel about them and how they feel about you. - A Student Living Apartment
Demonstrates that it is possible to create an apartment where residents genuinely enjoy and support one another. Invite students to notice the behaviors that create “light.”
Invitations
Review the Building Relationships page on the Student Living website for additional ideas and resources.
Always end with a clear invitation to act. Invitations help students apply principles and invite the Spirit.
Choose one:
- Get to know each roommate by asking questions and spending time together. Seek good friends—and be a good friend.
- Invite a roommate when you go to the store, exercise, attend the temple, etc. Doing things together strengthens friendships.
- Set aside time each week to check in, do something fun, share a meal, or study the gospel together.