I am happy to be here with you today, and I pray that each of us will be receptive to the teachings of the Holy Ghost. My daughter Kaylee is 17 years old. She has taught me most of what I know about social media and cell phones. Kaylee has embraced the art of expression using emojis. I believe her favorite emojis show smiling faces--she uses these emojis on a regular basis to indicate that she is happy. In fact, when this kind of emoji does not appear at the end of a text, it conveys that, for some reason, she is not content. Some of my other favorites include the unamused face, face with rolling eyes, and face blowing a kiss. This last emoji, face blowing a kiss, I use frequently when I am texting my family members, to convey my love to them.
Emojis can be very powerful. They allow us to express what we are feeling, which is frequently difficult to do in writing, especially when writing only a few words. If you had to express how you are feeling lately, what emoji would you use? Would you give that some thought while I am speaking? At the end of my talk, I'm going to ask you to choose an emoji. I want you to give some thought to how you are feeling, because it is how we feel inside that I would like to talk with you about today.
How we feel inside is important. How we feel guides our thoughts and actions. The scriptures teach us how our Heavenly Father would like us to feel inside: "Men are that they might have joy."[1]
There have been times in my life when I have felt joy. In fact, I can say that I spend most of my time feeling happy inside, and I hope that you do also. However, there have been times in my life when I recognized that joy was missing. In these times, I have pondered, "Why am I unable to feel joy?"
As I have considered this question, I have realized that I can trace the source of my unhappiness to one of three areas: area number one, what I call the "mortal condition"; area number two, my own poor choices; and area number three, the poor choices of those close to me. I would like to say a few words about each of these areas.
First, the mortal condition. Everyone who lives on earth will experience sorrow to some extent due to the conditions of our mortal existence. In mortality, people we love pass away. Many of us suffer because of ailments connected with our physical bodies: disease, mental illness, sickness, and disability. Most of the people born on earth are not born in ideal circumstances, and many people live daily amid great wickedness. We face financial challenges and challenges in our employment. Life really isn't easy and doesn't seem fair. Just as Isaiah described the Savior, if we live on this earth long enough, we too will be men and women "of sorrows, and acquainted with grief."[2]
Although it is natural to feel sadness because of the things that happen here in mortality, our Heavenly Father does not desire that we spend our entire lives sorrowful and grieving. At some point, we have to make a conscious decision about how we respond when these things happen to us and to those around us.
Elder Russell M. Nelson has said, "My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives."[3]
In order to feel joy, where should our focus be? That question is answered in Alma's tender words to his son Helaman: "Look to God and live."[4]
I would now like to show a short video from Elder Scott titled "How Can I Find Happiness?"[5]
When we focus on gospel principles, we realize that the mortal condition is but a small moment. Everything that is difficult because of our mortality will eventually be for our benefit and learning. In the eternities, there will be no death, no sickness, no pain to mortal bodies. All sorrow is swallowed up in the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
As the psalmist recorded, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."[6]
The second reason that I have found myself unable to feel joy is due to my own poor choices. I have learned by experience that "wickedness never was happiness"[7] and never will be. As much sorrow as I can feel about the mortal condition, I feel completely different inside when I make a poor choice. Yes, sadness is a part of it. But along with sadness comes guilt, anguish, pain--what the scriptures call an "unquenchable fire."[8] This is by far the worst of my inner feelings. Because we all sin to some extent, we will all feel this kind of pain on occasion.
Would you all open your scriptures to 2 Nephi 4:17-19? In a moment, I'm going to ask for a volunteer to read these scriptures to us. As we are finding these scriptures, I'll give you some background. As you know, Nephi was a great man. He also had troubles in life. At this point in the record, his father, Lehi, had recently died, and his brothers were once again angry with him. We are going to read part of the record that I have heard referred to as the "Ode of Nephi," where Nephi expresses some of his feelings: "Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
"I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. "And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted."[9]
"And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins." Have you ever felt that way? I have actually felt that way, meaning that I wanted to be happy but just couldn't feel happiness because of my own poor choices.
Our Heavenly Father knew before He sent us to earth that, at times, we would make poor choices. He loves us, and His plan provided us with guidance on how to conduct our lives and also provided a Savior for us. Jesus Christ performed the Atonement so that we can repent when we make poor choices, and be able to feel joy.
Please, if there is in your life some poor choice which prevents you from feeling joy inside, repent. Literally, repentance can take a person from the depths of sorrow and self-loathing to feelings of great happiness.
In Alma's words, "There could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy."[10]
It is always better to make good choices, but when we fail, as we sometimes will, I can promise you that repentance is worth any amount of effort.
For the past 50 years, I have been on a personal journey. This journey involves how I feel inside and is intimately tied to the gospel of Jesus Christ. At times, I have felt sorrow because of the things that happen connected to our mortal condition. I have also felt sorrow at times because of my own poor choices. Interestingly, what I have struggled with the most in the past few years is how I feel inside when those close to me make poor choices. In fact, in real life a person's choices not only affect themselves but all those around them. When others around us make good choices, they uplift all those around them. When others around us make poor choices, as is inevitable, those poor choices can affect us, and we must then choose how to respond to those poor choices.
In my own personal journey, gratitude, forgiveness, patience, and a godly perspective are some of the traits that have enabled me to feel joy amid turmoil. Let me explain.
Several years ago, I had a friend. My friend made a very poor choice, and unfortunately, because of our closeness, I was drawn into the situation. I felt angry, betrayed, and conflicted in my loyalties. I found myself literally consumed by the situation and consequently unable to feel joy. Disturbed by the way I was feeling inside, I prayed and turned to the scriptures. As I opened my scriptures one evening, I was drawn to a bookmark that I had been using for many years. This bookmark said the following: "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."[11]
In that moment, I thought of all of the things that I was grateful for: the gospel in my life, a husband who loved me, two young boys and a beautiful baby girl, a home, and a great job. The act of feeling gratitude overwhelmed and pushed away the anger and other negative feelings.
As I continued searching the scriptures, I was impressed that I needed to forgive my friend. I read, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."[12] In this case I said to Heavenly Father, "Really? My friend is not the least bit sorry for her poor choice." The answer was, "Yes, really." It took time, but I was able to forgive. Extending forgiveness was liberating for me. Gone were the feelings that were keeping me from feeling joy. I still felt some sadness occasionally for her sake because I knew how that choice would eventually affect how she felt inside.
Would you please open your scriptures to Moses 7:28, 32. Perhaps one of the most tender passages of scripture is found in Moses when Enoch talks with God. After showing Enoch a vision of the city of Enoch that was to be taken into heaven, he was shown the residue of the inhabitants of the earth. Most of the inhabitants of the earth were not following God's commandments. Who would read those verses for us?
"And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept; and Enoch bore record of it, saying: How is it that the heavens weep, and shed forth their tears as the rain upon the mountains?...The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency."[13]
Even the God of heaven feels sadness because of the poor choices of His children. It is natural for us to feel the same way--we feel some sadness when we understand how poor choices will affect others.
In the October 2015 general conference, Elder Lawrence of the Seventy encouraged the Saints to prayerfully ask, "What lack I yet?"[14] I felt impressed to follow his counsel, and what followed has made a lasting impression on how I feel inside. When I asked the question "What lack I yet?" I was clearly told two specific deficiencies: patience and a godly perspective. While I can't claim to be an expert on either topic, both have been crucial in helping me to respond to those things which tend to make me sad and limit the joy I can feel. Our Heavenly Father endowed us with agency, knowing that agency was a necessary part of our progression. He hopes that we will make good choices and feels pleased when we do. He also knew that, frequently, we would fall short and make poor choices. He allows that. He gives us space and time to experiment and learn. He waits patiently with open arms, always willing to support and help when we are ready and desirous to receive that help.
As a parent, I have learned that in order to feel joy in the midst of the poor choices of others, I need to follow the example of my Heavenly Father. I must, with patience, allow others to choose for themselves--not be paralyzed when they make poor choices, but love unconditionally and always stand ready to help and support as I am allowed to do so. Sometimes I have to be patient for a few hours, sometimes a few weeks, and sometimes the weeks turn into years. As poor choices result in situations that span years, there is a tendency to feel a degree of failure. This feeling of failure comes from a sadness that we were unable, after all of our efforts, to influence someone we love to "look to God and live."
President Spencer W. Kimball wrote: "If we looked at mortality as the whole of existence, then...failure...would be calamity. But if we look upon life as an eternal thing stretching far into the premortal past and on into the eternal post-death future, then all happenings may be put in proper perspective."[15]
The worth of a soul is great in the eyes of God. I believe our Father in Heaven does not give up on any of His children--ever. And eternity is a very long time. Therefore, we walk hand in hand with heaven--we allow those we love their agency. We rejoice in good choices. When they make poor choices, we patiently wait until they feel ready to turn away from those poor choices, all the while being able to feel within ourselves joy along the path of mortality.
Now, you have had a little bit of time to reflect on how you feel inside. Have you chosen an emoji that reflects your feelings? What I would like you to do now is to take a few seconds and text yourself that emoji. Go ahead, text yourself. I am going to do the same thing on my phone. If your emoji was a happy face, then great. If it was a different kind of face, perhaps it can serve as a reminder--a reminder to take some time to consider how you can act to feel happy and joyful. I'm going to be honest with you: I texted myself two emojis. One was a happy face, and one was a worried face. Most of the time, I feel happy. But just below the surface, ready to bubble up, are some worries, which have the potential to consume me and impact the joy that I feel. However, I am determined to not let those worries do that to me.
I bear you my witness that our Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be able to feel joy. Men are that they might have joy--not only in eternity but along the path of our mortality. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] 2 Nephi 2:25
[2] Isaiah 53:3
[3] Russel M. Nelson, "Joy and Spiritual Survival," Ensign, Nov. 2016
[4] Alma 37:47
[5] Mormon Messages, "How Can I Find Happiness?" https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2009-04-16-how-can-i-find-happiness?lang=eng
[6] Psalm 30:5
[7] Alma 41:10
[8] Mormon 9:5
[9] 2 Nephi 4:17-19; emphasis added
[10] Alma 36:21
[11] Melody Beattie, https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/67563-gratitude-unlocks-the-fullness-of-life-it-turns-what-we
[12] Doctrine and Covenants 64:10
[13] Moses 7:28, 32; emphasis added
[14] Larry R. Lawrence, "What Lack I Yet?" Ensign, Nov. 2015
[15] Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball, (2006), 15