Only a few of you would know this, but this is my third attempt at this topic. The first was here at Education Week in 2015, later at an on-campus devotional in January, and now. I apologize in advance that this talk has a bit of a football theme, so if this is my third down, if I don’t succeed this time, it might be time to just punt!
My goal is to explore with you how we can find both peace and joy in a world that is growing ever more chaotic. And with this chaos, we are seeing an increase in the number of people dealing with depression or anxiety. For example, a recent national study reported that 2 in 5 college freshmen were dealing with depression. The ratio for those facing anxiety was even worse, at 3 in 5. And alarmingly, 1 in 5 contemplated suicide as a potential escape from struggles.[1] Just a few years ago it was reported that 17% of the prescriptions from the BYU-Idaho Student Health Center were for depression and anxiety. Within just 5 years, that number increased to 49%.
The theories on why this has become such a challenge are many. Perhaps the answer is actually found in modern scripture when the Lord revealed to Joseph Smith that in the last days “all things shall be in commotion; and surely, men’s hearts shall fail them; for fear shall come upon all people.”[2] Notice that the Lord states “all people,” not just some. Many of us in this room have been around long enough to know that we live in different times. This isn’t the Andy Griffith Show, Mayberry RFD, or Happy Days. My youth did not include the Internet, email, texting, social media, smartphones, Netflix, Google, Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Uber, Twitter, YouTube, Hulu, etc. In fact, if someone would have shared with me many of those words, I would have looked at them like they were speaking a foreign language. Amazon and Yahoo would have been familiar, but with totally different meanings. I can just imagine the look on my face or yours if in the 1970s, ‘80s, or ‘90s, if someone would have said “just Google it.”
So, how do we manage our spiritual and emotional well-being in these turbulent times? Often the remedies are ineffective, temporary, or too numerous to consider. I believe that our modern technology and information overload actually makes things worse. In the classes I teach, I often hear students state they resort to binging on social media, movies, television series, or gaming, which only diverts their attention and temporarily distracts them from whatever is causing them to be sad or nervous. In all honesty, I often fall into the same trap. I am only a click away from all sorts of distractions that can divert me from daily stresses, worries, or just boredom.
Over the next few minutes, I would like to explore with you some of my findings on how we can find both peace and joy. As a full disclaimer, I personally deal with anxiety and have had both the blessing and curse of being a natural, even habitual, worrier.
In reviewing my findings, I am going to share with you the titles of several books that I have found to be compelling resources. If you get nothing else out of this talk, you will have a new reading list! In my research, I have discovered several basic facts I hope to synthesize into some fundamental practices that have helped me, and perhaps can help you or others who struggle with these challenges. Along with these facts, I hope to put together the puzzle pieces that will help you find both enduring peace and joy.
Fact 1: We are all children of our Heavenly Father and He wants us, all of us, to have joy. When I say all of us, I mean members of the Church in Rexburg, and an indigenous tribesman in some remote jungle in the Philippines.
Fact 2: Over the history of this world, He has shared, with any person who seeks Him, the basic principles of happiness.
Fact 3: These principles are very simple. As Elder Matthew Cowley stated, “The gospel is simply beautiful, and beautifully simple.”
Fact 4: The adversary has tried and will try to bury these simple principles under mountains of information, distractions, and even falsehoods.
Fact 5: Understanding our powerful urges to seek happiness, the adversary will leverage our desires to draw us into behaviors and habits that are very gratifying, but potentially addictive.
In 2 Nephi we learned that the Nephites “lived after the manner of happiness.”[3] Earlier, Nephi reminded us that “men are, that they might have joy.”[4] These statements imply happiness and joy are good things and should be sought after. Ironically, the first book reference I am going to share with you is The Happiness Trap, by Dr. Russ Harris, and is based on acceptance and commitment therapy, or ACT, an emerging and powerful therapy for those who deal with anxiety.
For me personally, this book was an answer to my prayers! Dr. Harris reminds us there are two kinds of happiness. The first is “feeling good, a sense of pleasure, gladness, or gratification.” The problem: these feelings don’t last and we really want them to. And, “the harder we chase after pleasurable feelings, the more likely we are to suffer from anxiety and depression.” The less common meaning for happiness is “living a rich, full and meaningful life,” and this happens when we:
- Accept the challenges we are facing
- Clarify what we stand for
- Take action on those things that truly matter deep in our hearts
- And move in directions that we consider valuable and worthy[5]
The central message of The Happiness Trap is while we will all suffer from the challenges of life, we can experience meaning, vitality, and enduring happiness when we connect with our values and act on them.
Thus, the first puzzle piece for finding peace and joy is to “act on our values.”
My second book reference is Man’s Search for Meaning, by Dr. Viktor Frankl.
In this classic, he shares the lessons he learned surviving four concentrations camps, including Auschwitz—camps that would claim the lives of his mother, brother, and wife. Only one sister survived. What was the central lesson he learned?
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. . . . Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.”[6]
And, sounding very much like Russ Harris, he stated:
“Don't aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself.”[7]
Again, paradoxically, is the key to happiness not pursuing it? Rather is it in finding a value, a cause, or serving others?
My third book is A Season of Life, by Jeffrey Marx, where he chronicles the life of NFL football player Joe Ehrmann.
Jeffrey first met Joe as a young ball boy for the Baltimore Colts.
Joe Ehrmann was an All-American at Syracuse and was drafted in the first round by the Baltimore Colts. He later became an all-pro defensive tackle and was known for his reckless play and hard-charging, partying lifestyle.
That all changed in 1978 when his teenage brother contracted cancer and died. At 29 and just six years into his NFL career, prompted by tragedy, Joe started to search for the meaning and purpose of his own life. His discovery: the masculinity ingrained in him by his father and coaches which focused on athletic ability, conquest, and economic success was all wrong. Rather, it was his capacity to love and be loved and a commitment to a cause. After retiring from football, Joe became an ordained minister, volunteer coach, and created the Building Men for Others program, which emphasizes relationships and “having a cause bigger than yourself.”
His philosophy is symbolized in the mantra that is recited at the beginning of every football practice at Erhmann’s school in Baltimore Maryland.
Coach Ehrmann: "What is our job as coaches?"
Team: "To love us."
Coach Ehrmann: "What is your job?"
Team: "To love each other."[8]
Based on our learnings from Dr. Frankl and Joe Erhmann, let’s modify our first puzzle piece to “value and love others.”
Keeping with the sports theme—and I apologize that this is a repeat from my devotional address—my fourth book is I am Third, by Gale Sayers.
Gale played for the University of Kansas, where he earned the nickname “The Kansas Comet.” He gained over 4,000 yards and was a two-time All-American.
He was drafted by the Chicago Bears in 1965, and in his rookie year he scored an NFL record 22 touchdowns and gained 2,272 all-purpose yards. Sadly, in 1968 he suffered a serious knee injury that cost him the final five games of the season. Helping him through this challenge was his fellow running back, Brian Piccolo. Brian’s path to the NFL was much different than Gale’s. Brian played at Wake Forest, and at that time there was only one African American player in the ACC: Darryl Hill, who played for Maryland.
In 1963 when Maryland visited Wake Forest, the home team student section began to taunt Darryl Hill. Noticing this, “Brian Piccolo went over to the Maryland bench and approached Darryl and said, “I want to apologize for the behavior of my fans.” Then, draping his arm over Hill’s shoulder, he began walking him toward the Wake Forest side of the field, where the jeering was at its worst. By the time the two of them reached the middle of the field, the screaming dropped to near silence.” Two years later, Brian signed with the Chicago Bears as an undrafted free agent and made the practice squad.
Gale and Brian were the first interracial roommates in the NFL. While Gale was injured, Brian saw more playing time.
Once Sayers returned, they played together as the starting tailback and fullback. After scoring a touchdown against the Atlanta Falcons, Brian pulled himself out of the game, complaining of shortness of breath. A medical examination revealed that he had an aggressive form of cancer that, in spite of surgery and treatment, would spread throughout his body. It was now Gale’s turn to help and serve his friend.
The month before Piccolo's death at the age of 26, Gale Sayers was accepting the George S. Halas Award for the Most Courageous Player and told the crowd that they had selected the wrong person. He said, "I love Brian Piccolo, and I'd like all of you to love him, too. Tonight, when you hit your knees to pray, please ask God to love him, too."[9] Brian left behind a wife and three daughters.
Inspired by his friend, Gale wrote his autobiography titled I am Third, which stands for: God is first, others are second, and I am third. This book was the inspiration for the 1971 movie Brian’s Song.
Now, to a couple of books from an LDS perspective.
The first is Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem by Ester Rasband.
Like the authors I have cited earlier, particularly Russ Harris and Viktor Frankl, Sister Rasband reminds us:
“The belief that we must have self-esteem exacerbates the very problem it’s supposed to combat: our search for self-esteem is a depressant, anxiety producer, and a dreadful pressure.” In contrast, “genuine confidence . . . is a by-product of our accomplishment and the Savior’s Atonement—a combination of what we do with God’s help, and what God has done for us.”
More specifically: “There is no anxiety in seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. There is no distress in loving God with all our heart, might, mind, and strength and in serving his other children because we love Him (and them). The torment comes when we buy into the belief of society that we must first seek our own self and serve it. . . . It is perfect irony that that which our worldly self would prize most highly—feeling good about ourselves—can only be achieved by facing [what] our worldly self would tell us we must never face: our nothingness. It has been called the Christian paradox: We must forget ourselves and concentrate on the greatness of God. Then, and only then, will we find ourselves.” In short: “We must lose ourselves to find ourselves.”[10]
The goal is the kind of confidence we get through selfless giving—charity. In Doctrine and Covenants 121:45 we are reminded that “charity towards all men . . . and virtue” will result in our “confidence . . . in the presence of God.”[11]
Sister Rasband also reminds us the key to both peace and joy is to put ourselves in third place.
Didn’t the Savior Himself teach:
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.[12]
It is common for us to read these scriptures as if they actually contain three commandments:
- Love God
- Love neighbor
- Love yourself
The Lord did not command us to love ourselves. He just stated that we do. And, this is the exact order of “I am third.”
Learning from Gale Sayers and Sister Ester Rasband, let’s add our second puzzle piece, which in reality is the most important, which is that we must love the Lord.
Let’s return to 2 Nephi 2:25 and the declaration that we “might have joy.”[13] One way to remember this simple instruction is to turn “joy” into the acronym JOY—which could remind us to put Jesus first, others second, yourself third.
Regarding the value of finding peace through JOY and the Christian paradox, President Spencer W. Kimball taught:
Daily unselfish service to others is one of the . . . mechanics of the successful life. “For whosoever will save his life,” the Galilean said, “shall lose it, and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” What a strange paradox this! And yet one needs only to analyze it to be convinced of its truth. . . .
. . . Only when you lift a burden, God will lift your burden. Divine paradox this! The man who staggers and falls because his burden is too great can lighten that burden by taking on the weight of another's burden. You get by giving, but your part of giving must be given first.[14]
More recently, Elder David A. Bednar stated this selfless giving is the essence of the character of Jesus Christ. He said:
The greatest indicator of character is the capacity to recognize and . . . respond to other people who are experiencing the very challenge . . . pressing upon us. Character is revealed . . . in the power to discern the suffering of other people when we ourselves are suffering; in the ability to detect the hunger of others when we are hungry; and in the power to reach out and extend compassion . . . when we are in the midst of our own spiritual distress. . . . Character is . . . reaching outward when the natural . . . response is to be self-absorbed and turn inward.[15]
For me, this illustrates the important role we play in this puzzle. In priority order, the two great commandments place us in third place, but we should not downplay our role and the good we can do in our Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. In fact, we can play a critical role in helping others find peace and joy, even in returning to our Heavenly Father.
Our final puzzle piece, then, is us—the role we play in this plan. For simplicity, we’ll simply label this last tile “me.” Again, quoting President Spencer W. Kimball, “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other.”[16]
The last book I will reference is my limited effort in tying these puzzle pieces together to help those who specifically deal with anxiety. With the help of a couple friends here at BYU-Idaho, we created Breaking the Chains of Worry and Anxiety, with the subtitle of “Lessons from Liberty Jail.”
As I stated earlier, The Happiness Trap, by Russ Harris, helped me to find a better way to beat worry. However, there was no reference to God or the value of receiving divine help. Likewise, Dr. Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning is very focused on how we as individuals can find a measure of peace. In contrast, Joe Erhmann, Gale Sayers, and Ester Rasband all mention the power of the Christian principles of loving God and serving others. However, the last three do not tackle mental health like doctors Harris and Frankl.
Happily, I was able to bridge the gap between the mental health professionals and these religious thought leaders when I heard a lecture on the Prophet Joseph Smith by Dr. Nathan Williams, a professor here at BYU-Idaho. He reminded us of the overwhelming challenges the Prophet faced, including his time incarcerated in Liberty Jail. Undoubtedly, the Prophet was discouraged, depressed, and maybe even fearful, especially as he worried about the fate of his family, friends, and the Church. After a season of silence, the Lord spoke to Joseph, reminding him to fear not, that He would always be with him, and if he would “cheerfully do all things in [his] power,” God would show him His salvation and reveal His plan.[17] And, “that all these things [would give him] experience, and [would be for his] good.”[18] As Brother Williams was sharing his presentation, it struck me immediately that the Lord was teaching the Prophet a spiritual version of Dr. Harris’s acceptance and commitment therapy: the power of accepting our trials, having faith in Him, and then cheerfully acting on the things we know to be true, especially our values.
Now, let’s review the puzzle pieces in the JOY order.
First, we must put the Lord and His kingdom first.
Second, we should love and serve others.
And finally, we have ourselves.
But what a great role we can play. The title of this painting by David Linn is Ascent, and for me, it powerfully displays all of the elements of JOY. We should always be climbing upward with the goal of returning to our heavenly home. That ascent will be aided by our desire to love and serve the Lord, but the best way we can do that is to help others on that same path.
To illustrate the power of losing ourselves in the service of God and others, I would like to share the story of Dax Raymond, an LDS professional football player who just signed a rookie contract with the Chicago Bears. In a recent interview, he talked about the lessons he learned as a missionary for the Church:
I left maybe a month or two right after high school, right after graduation, and I went to Russia and served an LDS mission there for two years. You don’t choose where you go; you just choose whether or not you want to go, and my assignment was the Russia Vladivostok Mission. On an LDS mission, you commit everything—all your concentration is on the Lord, and from the second you wake up to the second you go to bed, it’s, “What can I do to help the people of—wherever you’re serving?” For me it was in Russia. If you didn’t have any lessons, you’d just walk the streets and talk to people and invite them to—if they want to learn and listen. And I did that every day for two years, and it’s—you wake up at 6:30 every day, you come home at 9, and you’re in bed by 10:30 every day. And yeah, I loved every second of it. I would not be at this point in my life if it wasn’t for my mission—leaving your family, your friends, football for two years. You can only speak to family via email once a week. You forget your first name; you’re just, “What can I do to help others?” And I think that that two years of just living there and serving there, when I got home, I had a different work ethic and a different mindset that really just changed me.
“Forget your first name” is a powerful reminder to put the Lord and others before ourselves. As you watched this clip, could you sense his JOY?
In preparation for my devotional talk, I conducted three experiments to explore how we find both JOY and peace. My goal was to see how we as a society and as members of the Church practice the simple principles of putting the Lord first and then loving or serving others.
My first experiment was to look at how the world seeks peace. There is a strong movement some have called spiritual but not religious. I have a meditation app on my phone that I often use. It averages nearly 500,000 daily users, with over 15,000 guided meditations and nearly 100 mini courses.
In sampling these offerings, I discovered that 89% of them were “me”- or “I”-focused, 9% were about serving others, and 2% had anything to do with faith. Some of the recent popular titles were 30 Days to a Happier More Fulfilled You, Coming Home to Yourself, and Inner Child Healing Meditation.
So, my next question was to naturally ask, How are we doing here at BYU-Idaho? To determine this, I posted a one-question survey on the BYU-Idaho LinkedIn page.
“Life can be challenging and stressful, especially as a college student. When you are stressed out and perhaps discouraged, what is your number one activity to find relief?”
In just days, nearly 500 of our BYU-Idaho students responded. I then took their answers and broke them down into the JOY categories. Now, as I share their responses, I want to make this very important disclaimer: almost all “Y” activities are not bad; in fact, many of them are very good and, in the end, can help us be better at serving God and others. But, this experiment did reveal that our natural tendency is to focus on things that will make us feel better.
As this chart illustrates, 83% of their stress relief activities were Y, with the top three being exercise, media, and sleeping. Eating was number four. Ten percent of them shared that their top things were “O,” with spending time with family and friends leading the way. And 7% of them responded with “J” activities, with prayer, attending the temple, and reading scriptures as the most common.
My third experiment was to re-read the Book of Mormon and to mark and tally each verse that referenced the Savior with a small letter “J,” each verse that invites us to serve others with an “O,” and each reference to serving ourselves with a “Y.”
Interestingly, this is almost an exact inverse of both the world’s ideas and our survey responses, with 66% references for serving and loving God, 31% for serving others, and only 3% looking out for ourselves.
As you read the Book of Mormon or other scripture, perhaps you can do some J, O, and Y highlighting. And whenever you see the word “joy,” just take a moment and put two small lines under J and one small line under O.
As I was re-reading the Book of Mormon, in only one verse did I use all three letters. In Alma 34:27, as part of Amulek’s teachings on the power of prayer, he said, “Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.”[19]
For me, this scripture perfectly illustrates this simple gospel plan and our role in it.
Let’s look at this picture again in light of this scripture.
First, let our hearts be drawn unto Him, for our welfare. And then, let us focus on the welfare of those around us. Again, our ascent to heaven will be helped as we reach back to help others return to Him.
As we learn to practice JOY, we just might avoid some of the real challenges that often happen when we naturally focus on ourselves, our relief, and our pleasure. Again, our tendency is to seek to be happy. We are also not very patient, and quick-fix pseudo-remedies are always at our finger tips, literally. We can numb almost any heartache, distract ourselves from any fear, or eliminate any semblance of boredom instantly. Those who make money off of our cyber activities understand our natural impulse for pleasure, cheap thrills, and immediate gratification. It starts with easy and nearly constant access. These enjoyable activities usually produce either a dopamine or endorphin rush, or both. For example, getting likes, hearts, emojis, or comments on a social media post can give us a dopamine hit. Likewise, winning a game online or on your phone produces an endorphin rush. These are in stark contrast to when a post goes unnoticed, we receive a negative comment, or lose a game. The result: disappointment, which leaves us wanting our next rush. We are trapped in a cycle of pleasure to pain, and then back to pleasure, followed by a relapse into depression and anxiety.
A recent BBC article revealed “social media companies are deliberately addicting users to their products for financial gain. . . . ‘It's as if they're taking behavioural cocaine and just sprinkling it all over your interface and that's the thing that keeps you coming back and back and back,’ said former Mozilla . . . employee Asa Raskin. ‘Behind every screen on your phone, there are literally a thousand engineers that have worked on this thing to try to make it maximally addicting.’”[20]
So, let’s collectively avoid this trap by revisiting the basic facts I started with:
Fact 1: We are all children of our Heavenly Father and He wants us, all of us, to have joy. And perhaps the key to joy is really as simple as putting the Lord first and others second.
Fact 2: Over the history of this world, He has shared, with any person who seeks Him, the basic principles of happiness. This includes some wonderful psychiatrists, psychologists, athletes, and gospel scholars.
Fact 3: These principles are very simple—actually beautifully simple.
Fact 4: The adversary has tried and will try to bury these simple principles under mountains of information, distractions, and even falsehoods. And the information, distractions, and falsehoods have never been more accessible.
Fact 5: Understanding our powerful urges to seek happiness, the adversary will leverage our desires to draw us into behaviors and habits that are very gratifying but potentially addictive.
Knowing this, let’s not fall into the world’s happiness trap. If we do, we run the risk of this happening:
- When we seek happiness by spending hours of our time being entertained mindlessly on social media, binge-watching television, or gaming, we will be depressed.
- Often that depression is amplified, as our social media world makes it so easy to compare our lives and circumstances with all the “happy” people around us.
- Sometimes when we are depressed, we just go back to our devices to momentarily distract us from our sadness.
- When we indulge in a constant review of news and all the bad that might happen, we will likely have some fear.
- When we become self-absorbed in “what if” thinking, we will have anxiety.
- And finally, the Band-Aid quick fixes provided by the world run the peril of some levels of addiction.
In contrast, the messages the Lord has shared with the earnest seekers of both peace and joy are:
- Productive people are happy people.
- Those who have a “reason” bigger than themselves are usually so busy acting on that thing they value, they don’t have time to worry.
- When our productivity, service, and efforts are focused on others rather than ourselves, we have peace.
- And when we put the Savior first and try to become like Him, we will have joy.
It is that simple.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
[1] Dallas Johnson.
[2] Doctrine and Covenants 88:91; emphasis added.
[3] 2 Nephi 5:27.
[4] 2 Nephi 2:25.
[5] Russ Harris, The Happiness Trap.
[6] Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.
[7] Ibid.
[8] Jeffrey Marx, A Season of Life.
[9] Gale Sayers, I Am Third.
[10] Ester Rasband, Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem.
[11] Doctrine and Covenants 121:45.
[12] Matthew 22:37–39.
[13] 2 Nephi 2:25.
[14] Spencer W. Kimball, “The Abundant Life,” commencement at Safford, AZ, High School, 1939; see also The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, pp. 250–51.
[15] David A. Bednar, “The Character of Christ,” BYU-Idaho Religion Symposium, Jan. 25, 2003.
[16] Spencer W. Kimball, “Small Acts of Service,” Ensign, Dec. 1974.
[17] Doctrine and Covenants 123:17.
[18] Doctrine and Covenants 122:7.
[19] Alma 34:27.
[20] Hilary Andersson, “Social media apps are ‘deliberately’ addictive to users,” BBC, July 4, 2018.