I would like to start with a story from Church News:
He stood to bear his testimony and could barely see over the pulpit. The counselor in the bishopric lowered the podium and 8-year-old Brandon, with tears in his eyes, bore a heart-rending testimony with such emotion that his little voice quivered, and it truly touched the congregation. When he finished and turned to leave, the bishop saw that Brandon couldn't leave. His fingers had been pinched when the pulpit had been lowered. The bishop quickly motioned for his counselor to raise the pulpit and Brandon was released and quickly returned to his seat. He leaned over and quietly whispered to his mother, 'Now I understand why people cry when they bear their testimony!'[1]
I wanted to explain in advance why I might get teary eyed during this talk.
The title of my address today is "Living after the Manner of Happiness." I have spent my professional life and much of my ecclesiastical service helping people cope with adversity. I have come to learn that there are two types of adversity or trouble we can experience in our lives. One type of adversity we bring on ourselves by disobedience to God's commandments, but my focus today will be on managing the trouble in our lives that is not related to our sins.
Sometimes we assume that if I'm struggling it must be due to my disobedience. Years ago, shortly after my mother was diagnosed with cancer a woman from the ward visited her and said, "I bet you regret now all those years of drinking cola drinks." In her mind my mom's cancer must have been a result of my mother being disobedient to this woman's idea of the word of wisdom. In reality, many of the troubles we experience in life have nothing to do with sin. Adversity that is not related to disobedience can come in at least three ways:
1. Our weaknesses: we make mistakes or poor decisions. Sometimes we are sinful, but sometimes we are just not very bright or we are weak. We use poor judgment because we are human. Adversity of this type might be a poor financial decision, procrastinating something important, or trying to take on more than we are capable of.
2. Agent acts of others: a friend, Bill Riggins, likes to say, "I love the fact that I have agency, but I hate the fact my kids do." We can't help but be effected by other's choices, such as a family member choosing not to live the gospel, divorce, and being treated unkindly or even abused.
3. Living in a telestial world: we have regular painful reminders that this isn't the Garden of Eden. For instance; growing old, thedeath of a loved one, illness both physical and mental, poverty, accidents, and loneliness.
I am drawing the title of my talk from a brief scripture, 2 Nephi 5:27, "And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness." The context of this comment by Nephi is a very troubled time for him and his people. He says in the start of this chapter that despite his prayers, his brothers' anger towards him had increased to the point they are planning to kill him, and he and his people are required to move away for their safety. Learning to live after the manner of happiness despite trials or affliction can be a challenge. I would like to suggest three keys to living after the manner of happiness despite our troubles:
1. Faith in a loving Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ
2. Keeping an eternal perspective
3. Taking action rather than being acted upon
Key # 1 Faith in Heavenly Father and the Son
Just as proper repentance begins with faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and results in a person changing, proper handling of adversity also begins with faith and results in a changed person. The atonement is not just for sinners. In True to the Faith it states:
Through your faith and righteousness and through His atoning sacrifice, all the inequities, injuries, and pains of this life can be fully compensated for and made right. Blessings denied in this life will be given in the eternities. And although He may not relieve all your suffering now, He will bless you with comfort and understanding and with strength.[2]
And I would add happiness. This is sometimes referred to as grace or the enabling power of the atonement.
When the angel asked Nephi if he understood the condescension of God in 1 Nephi 11:17, Nephi replied, "I know that He loves his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." We may not be able to make sense of the suffering that is inherent to our mortal experience but we can be as Nephi and have confidence that no matter what we are required to suffer or experience our Heavenly Father loves us.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks told the following in the April 2000 conference that gives a nice insight into God's love for us:
While visiting the British Museum in London one day, I read a most unusual book. It is not scripture. It is an English translation of an ancient Egyptian manuscript. From it, I quote a dialogue between the Father and the Son. Referring to His Father, Jehovah--the premortal Lord--says: "He took the clay from the hand of the angel, and made Adam according to Our image and likeness, and He left him lying for forty days and forty nights without putting breath into him. And He heaved sighs over him daily, saying, 'If I put breath into this [man], he must suffer many pains.' And I said unto My Father, 'Put breath into him; I will be an advocate for him.' And My Father said unto Me, 'If I put breath into him, My beloved Son, Thou wilt be obliged to go down into the world, and to suffer many pains for him before Thou shalt have redeemed him, and made him to come back to his primal state.' And I said unto My Father, 'Put breath into him; I will be His advocate, and I will go down into the world, and will fulfil Thy command."[3]
Heavenly Father knew that we would suffer and have tribulations in this life, but he knew that suffering was necessary for us to grow and to meet our potential. He also knew that his Son would be required to suffer to fulfill his divine destiny as our Savior.
Alma describes Christ's suffering in this way in Alma 7: 11-12:
"11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people."
"12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."
There is very little mention of suffering for sin in these verses, rather it emphasizes Christ's suffering adversity so He would know what our lives would be like. The definition of succor is "assistance in time of distress." Not only did Christ suffer for us but he compassionately suffers with us. Christ's suffering uniquely qualifies him to comfort us when we suffer adversity. President Benson labeled Him as "the Ultimate Comforter," and Elder Bednar taught, "There is no physical pain, no anguish of soul, no suffering of spirit, no infirmity or weakness that you or I ever experience during our mortal journey that the Savior did not experience first."[4]
I have loved this poem by Olga Weiss since the days of my mission. It reminds us of Christ's ability to relate to our troubles. It is entitled "The Road is Too Rough."
The road is rough, I said,
There are stones that hurt me so
And He said, dear child, I understand
I walked it long ago.
But there is a cool green path, I said
Let me walk there for a time.
No child, he gently answered me
The green path does not climb
My burden, I said, is far too great
How can I bear it so?
My child, he said, I remember its weight
I carried my cross you know
But I said, I wish there were friends with me
Who would make their path my own
Oh yes, he said
Gethsemane was so hard to bear alone.
And so I climbed my stony path
Content at least to know
That where my master had not gone
I would not need to go.
And strangely then I found new friends
My burden grew less sore
And I remember- long ago
He went that way before.
At the appearance of Christ in 3 Nephi the people had the seminal experience of one-by-one touching His scars in His hands, feet, and side. Why would Christ choose to retain the scars of His crucifixion in an otherwise perfected, resurrected body? The wounds are symbols of His suffering for us, they are reminders to us of His most difficult trials. A testament that he can relate to any adversity we may ever suffer. We can connect to him through His suffering and our own suffering. Elder Holland described it this way:
However dim our days may seem, they have been a lot darker for the Savior of the world. As a reminder of those days, Jesus has chosen, even in a resurrected, otherwise perfected body, to retain for the benefit of His disciples the wounds in His hands, and in His Feet, and in His side--signs, if you will, that painful things happen even to the pure and the perfect; signs, if you will that pain in this world is not evidence that God doesn't love you; signs, if you will, that problems pass and happiness can be ours.
In the 4th chapter of Mark verses 38-40 the Savior and His apostles are crossing the Sea of Galilee. While the Savior sleeps, a storm threatens to sink the ship. The apostles awakened him and asked:
"38 ... Master, carest thou not that we perish?"
"39 And He arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm."
"40 And He said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?"
At times, like the apostles in Jesus' day, we may feel that no one cares what we are going through. I testify that He does care that we suffer, and that as we exercise faith in Him, He will provide the peace and the calm we need to endure our trials and find happiness despite difficult circumstances. And as Alma taught, "your burdens may be light, through the joy of His Son."[5]
I testify that there is a God in Heaven and He is in fact our Father and that He loves us more than we can comprehend. I also testify that Jesus Christ is the literal Son of God and that His atoning sacrifice qualifies Him to comfort us through our darkest times and bring us to happiness despite times of trouble.
Key # 2 Taking an Eternal Perspective
Some of you who are married may have a toddler who is learning to walk. What if you were to say to your child, "It can be painful to learn to walk, you will certainly fall and hurt yourself and there will be tears. Because I love you so much I will protect you from your struggle and carry you all of the time. I will prevent the falls, the hurt, and the tears." Of course, if a child is going to learn to walk they must go through the stumbling and some pain. Reaching our full, divine potential is like learning to walk. If we allow it to, adversity can teach us the lessons that help us eventually become who God wants us to become. The term "snowplow parent" is used for a well-intentioned mother or father who tries to clear away all of the obstacles and challenges on their children's road to success. However, overcoming those very obstacles and challenges are what gives us the lessons and confidence we need to be successful. Some question that if there truly is a loving God how could he allow so much heartache and injustice in the world? I think it takes more love to allow us the growth that comes through enduring trials. He understands that growth comes outside of our comfort zone. He is too wise to be a "snowplow parent."
Orson F. Whitney stated:
No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially if we endure it patiently, builds our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable--more worthy to be called the children of God. It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.[6]
The poet Robert Browning Hamilton wrote:
I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chattered all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she;
But oh, the things I learned from her,
when sorrow walked with me.
It is not what happens to us but our response to what happens to us that is important. If we allow them to, our sorrows can teach us to become who God wants us to become. Adversity can be a blessing in disguise.
Elder Scott suggested:
When you face adversity, you can be led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask, why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial?[7]
These are questions that can lead us to an eternal perspective and to happiness.
In Alma 62:41 Mormon points out the two different responses the people had to the many years of war:
But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God even in the depth of humility.
The same circumstance produced two different responses. This is the crucial question for us all: Will I be hardened by my trials or will I allow them to soften me and turn me to the Lord? Those who were softened kept an eternal perspective and allowed the circumstance to humble them and not make them hardened and bitter. Boyd K. Packer has made the analogy that this life is like the second act of a three act play and that happily ever after doesn't come until the third act. While that is true I know we can also find happiness in this life with the proper perspective. It is easy to fall into the "I'll be happy when..." trap. The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. So, let's stop waiting until the semester is over, until you get better roommates, until he finally asks you out, until it warms up, until you get married, until you have kids, until you graduate, or until you lose 10 lbs. Happiness is in the journey not the destination.
Our daughter Meg who is serving a mission in Toronto has chosen this scripture in Philippians 4:11-13 for her theme "... for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, to be content. I can do all things through Christ which strenghteneth me." Paul knew something about troubles in his life but somehow was able to find contentment despite them. The email that Meg sent with her scripture in it finished with this paragraph:
During the week as a missionary, it's hard to ensure that your testimony is strong enough. People are constantly telling you thatyou've been brainwashed, or throwing anti-mormon stuff your way. Then, on the Sabbath, I get to walk into the chapel and renew a covenant with God. Man! Church means so much more to me now. It really is my sanctuary. I feel the Spirit so strongly there. On Sunday I just sat in the pew crying. Who cares what all those people on the street say to me? What I have found is truth. What I have found is an environment where I can feel the Holy Ghost strongly- you can't replicate or fake feelings like that. I have found a gathering of Saints that have so much love it is unreal at times. I have found truth that all started back with our Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm here because of him. Because a young boy searched for answers, this lifestyle of mine exists. I'm here because I FEEL the gospel is true each day.
She titled this email, "I am so happy to be so happy here in Toronto."
An eternal perspective can help us remain humble and asking the right questions as Elder Scott mentioned. We can know as President Howard W. Hunter stated, "If our lives and our faith are centered on Jesus Christ and His restored gospel, nothing can go permanently wrong."[8]
When faced with adversity we can find happiness by being grateful for what is good in our lives. I suppose some are even thankful for their trials. I must admit I am not there yet most of the time, but we can always find things to be thankful for--even in our darkest moments.
In 1 Nephi 18:16 Nephi was able to be grateful despite being tied up by his brothers on the ship. With swollen wrists and ankles he said, "I did look unto my God, and I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of my afflictions."
A popular counseling assignment is to have depressed clients keep gratitude journals. It is suggested that clients write down at least three things they are thankful for every day. The choice to focus on what is right in one's life as opposed to what is not can be very powerful. Expressing gratitude to Heavenly Father for His tender mercies and to the people who support and love us allows for a balanced perspective on life's trials.
President Lorenzo Snow said:
The Lord has not given us the gospel that we may go around mourning all the days of our lives. The gospel of Jesus Christ is not a religion of mourning and gloom. The faith of our fathers is one of hope and joy. It is not a gospel of chains but a gospel of wings. To embrace it fully is to be filled with wonder and to walk with an inner fire.[9]
Our Heavenly Father's plan for us--this restored church--is a "great plan of happiness" that will be the result if we choose it.
In Mosiah 24:15 we read:
And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
The Lord did not remove their burdens but he made them light and because the people turned to the Lord and kept a positive perspective even in a challenging trial they were able to be cheerful.
Elder Wirthin observed, "In spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser and happier as a result."[10]
Sometimes perspective comes with time and patience. Retaining our sense of humor during difficult times can be challenging but a blessing. Mark Twain said, "Humor is tragedy plus time." Let me repeat that, "Humor is tragedy plus time." My friend Marv Whyte likes to add, "If you can't laugh at it, you haven't waited long enough."
Key # 3 Taking Action Rather than Being Acted Upon
To live after the manner of happiness even in the midst of our adversity we must use a mixture of faith and hard work. If we get stuck in the victim role or in discouragement it can paralyze us from doing what we can to overcome our trials.
President Uchtdorf said it this way, "When our wagon gets stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist the man who gets out to push, than the man who merely raises his voice in prayer."[11]
We can look to examples of others both in our own lives and from the past who have worked hard to overcome difficult circumstances.
My father died when I was 8 years old leaving my mother a single parent of seven children at the age of 40. She certainly went through periods of sadness and heartache, see missed my father very much, but she "got out of the wagon" so to speak and went to work. She started school and graduated from Ricks College. With her oldest two sons and on a modest income from her job at Ricks College, she paid off the debt on my grandparent's farm where she lived a happy life despite less than ideal circumstances.
In Lehi's vision we often overlook the beginning of the dream. Lehi is obediently following the man in a white robe and he says in 1 Nephi 8:7-9:
"7 And it came to pass that as I followed him I beheld myself that I was in a dark and dreary waste."
"8 And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me, according to the multitude of his tender mercies."
"9 And it came to pass after I had prayed unto the Lord I beheld a large and spacious field."
The "dark and dreary waste" can be a metaphor for the trials of our lives. What if he had gotten discouraged by the many hours in the "dark and dreary waste" and given up. He would not have made it to the tree of life.
The incident of the broken bows in first Nephi is also instructive. While his brothers and even his father murmured that they had lost their means to feed their families, Nephi, set to work, built a new bow and went hunting.
Elder LeGrand Richards said, "For every worry under the sun there is a remedy or there is none; if there is a remedy hurry and find it. If there is not never mind it."[12]
There are some things we cannot control. Let us do all we can to improve our troubles and then put our emphasis and efforts on doing other good things. Placing our troubles aside and getting involved in other pursuits such as service can be therapeutic. Reaching out to serve others can be a healthy distraction from our frustrations and bring joy into our lives by blessing others.
An example of focusing on serving others when challenged is President Hinckley, as a discouraged missionary in England. He wrote, "I was not well when I arrived. Those first few weeks, because of illness and the opposition which we felt, I was discouraged. I wrote a letter home to my good father and said that I felt I was wasting my time and his money." His father's advice was "forget yourself and go to work." He followed his father's counsel and would later call this his "day of decision" that would lay a positive course for the rest of his life.[13]
Elder Wirthlin stated:
Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences whileoften difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others. We experience hard things so that we too may have increased compassion and understanding for others.[14]
Just as Christ's suffering taught him how to succor us, we can use the compassion we learn through our own trials to be more sensitive and to better serve others who are struggling. We can be Christ's hand in bringing comfort to others.
I am grateful for my dear wife who is a great example to me of someone who despite the adversity of losing a child at birth, being diagnosed with cancer, and dealing with parenting challenges, just to name a few, has unshakable faith, maintains an eternal and optimistic attitude and loses herself in service to others to find happiness.
In closing, I bear my testimony that no matter how daunting our trials, happiness is possible. I encourage us all to use faith in a loving Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ, an eternal perspective and taking action rather than being acted upon so we might live after the manner of happiness no matter what our circumstances I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] "On the bright side," Faye Tholen, Church News, Aug. 19, 2000, p. 2
[2] True To the Faith, p.20
[3] Elder Russell M. Nelson, "The Creation," April 2000
[4] David A. Bednar, "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality, Ensign," April 2010
[5] Alma 33:23
[6] As quoted in Faith Precedes the Miracle, p.98
[7] Richard G. Scott, Trust in the Lord, October, 1995
[8] The Teachings of Howard W. Hunter, p. 40
[9] The Teachings of Lorenzo Snow, ed. Clyde J. Williams (1996), 61
[10] Joseph B. Wirthlin, Come What May and Love It, October, 2008
[11] Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Two Principles for Any Economy, October, 2009
[12] As quoted by George I. Cannon, Today--A Day of Eternity, October, 1991
[13] Taking the Gospel to Britain: A Declaration of Vision, Faith, Courage, and Truth, Ensign, July 1987
[14] Joseph B. Wirthlin, Come What May and Love It, October, 2008