On September 4, 1971, Marianne Olsen was born full term, without any complications. She was perfect. She had dark eyes and brown hair. My mom thought she looked a lot like me. In the first few days there were concerns, however: she was pale and seemed to have a hard time breathing, which made it hard for her to eat. Though reassured by the doctors that she would be fine, my mother continued to worry. Thirteen days after she was born, in deep concern for my sister's condition, my father rushed my mom and Marianne to the University of Utah Hospital in Salt Lake City. Within two hours of arriving, Marianne was dead. She was diagnosed with a critical congenital heart defect, a rare condition, which affects four babies in ten thousand, that can easily be repaired today, but at that time medical teams did not know what to do to save her. No words can describe the anguish my mother and father felt. Though I was young, I remember the weight of sadness that burdened my parents—especially my mom. After Marianne passed, the nurses wrapped her body in a white blanket and put her in my mother's arms to transport back to Brigham City. I have often thought of what my mother must have felt, holding her deceased little one on the hour-long drive back home. I doubt many words were said but rather a sacred silence of both pain and the Spirit of God that accompanied my parents home.
Through the history of the gospel and everyday life, pain and suffering could be a daily occurrence for all of us. There are those now, within the listening ear of my voice, that have deep burdens that are both sacred and silent—silent, perhaps, to those who are near, but not silent to Heavenly Father. Still, in those "alone" moments, we might ask, "O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?"[1] And yet, even in the moment of loss, even in the moment of loneliness and despair, my mother was not alone. Nor are we. In these dark times, it is important to remember our baptismal covenants and the promise in the sacramental prayer "that they may always have his Spirit to be with them."[2]
In his address in the April 2012 general conference, President Henry B. Eyring said,
"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing. In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ to shape and guide our lives if we choose it. And with prophets revealing to us our place in the plan of salvation, we can live with perfect hope and a feeling of peace. We never need feel that we are alone or unloved in the Lord's service because we never are. We can feel the love of God. The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up. And He always keeps His word."
Our eternal progression, our capacity to grow and to learn to become sons and daughters of God, is deeply coupled with our capacity to do hard things. As we learn to ponder the Atonement through the lenses of the Restoration of the gospel and exercise even "a particle of faith,"[3]our ability to grow and "yield...to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and [put] off the natural man and [become] a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and [become] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord [sees] fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father"[4] starts to be realized—not necessarily all at once, but like the light in the morning dawn, it may be an imperceptible change but nevertheless an increase of light.
Therefore, it is not that trials will come but rather our disposition to those trials when they do come. Though Laman and his group left their home, traveling years and thousands of miles, they never left their Jerusalem. Do we travel the long path of discipleship only to realize we are walking in circles, too busy looking outward, feeling forgotten, rather than looking upward, "[being] still and [knowing He is] God,"[5] recognizing of course that, in the moment of hard things, it takes greater faith to lift our heads heavenward? But it is "in the furnace of affliction"[6] that we are refined. What a tragedy: to suffer the affliction, "to be proved in all things,"[7] only to miss the refining process.
Isaiah teaches us, "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction."[8]
Four years ago, my husband and I were called to be over our ward trek, held in Wyoming at Martin's Cove. We have a large number of youth in our ward; when we made the reservations, the missionaries in charge of scheduling actually thought we were a stake. Even though our youth in the ward were extraordinary, our bishop realized the value of experiencing hard things for understanding and learning the gospel principles. We really wanted the youth to understand, if only minimally, a portion of the hardship that the pioneers faced.?As we planned the activities, we tried to add challenges—not to discourage but to encourage our youth to increase their faith to know they could do hard things.
We departed early from our Harvest Hills ward house at around 4:30 in the morning. We traveled 12 hours east through Western Wyoming until we landed with three buses and 120 youth at Martin's Cove.
Though wearied from travel, a meal and square dance were on the schedule. Around 7:00 p.m., the youth gathered with their assigned families and were instructed to prepare to start the trek.
There was a lot of energy and high spirits as each family loaded up their handcarts and lined up for our trek in the wilderness. By design, the youth didn't know how far our camp was when we took to the trail. There was laughter and singing of pioneer songs, but after the first hour, things started to quiet down. I'm sure the youth were all wondering at this point, "Are we there yet?" We trekked on for yet another hour. The shadows had grown past being distinguished from the light and had melted into dusk when we pulled up to an overlook of the Sweetwater River. There, a short devotional was given from 1 Nephi 17:13: "And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led."
The light from the dusk was all but gone.
After the devotional, the exhausted youth were instructed that we had yet further to go. "But the path is so dark," a youth commented. "How are we going to see to find our way?"
Then, on signal, the leaders handed each youth an industrial-strength glow stick to act as their "light in the wilderness"[9] to navigate in the dark and to help see the path as they moved forward into the unknown.
We expected there would be some grumbling and complaining, but it never surfaced. The youth seemed to understand the difficulty and sacredness of sacrifice. It was an amazing sight to see a line of yellow lights silently making their way along in the still, cool Wyoming night. One of our leaders, James Helfrich, reported,
"I was pushing the cart at night with Ben Orchard. We didn't know where the road was going, how long we had been pulling, or even what time it was. We only knew that the trail was leading us forward. Why did we follow the trail rather than go our own way? We didn't know who made the road or even where it would take us! This road was a metaphor for our travels through mortality. Rarely does the Lord give us a roadmap. He gives us instead a glimpse of just a few feet ahead and faithful Saints to follow. If we trudge on with all our strength, if we follow our leaders and try to be an example to those behind us, we will reach the end."
The youth walked an additional two hours in the dark until they came to our campsite. One of the most difficult unsung tasks was completed by the four couples who had gone ahead and set up the tents—in the dark, in a windstorm, with 20-plus variations of tents, and they still prepared scones for when the youth arrived. Both the leaders and the youth did hard things. Although exhausted, the first leg of their journey in the wilderness was completed. It wasn't cut short for any reason, and it was endured well. The youth had accepted the challenge and accomplished this hard thing.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell, in the April 1990 general conference, quoted Paul: "Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness."
Such "peaceable fruit" comes only in the appointed season thereof, after the blossoms and the buds.
One other particular challenge of our trek was very endearing to me. It involved the women's pull. For those of you who have never been to Martin's Cove, they have one steep, sandy stretch of a hill where only the women pull the handcarts. This was to simulate when the men were called to help in the war and left the women and children to continue the trek westward. This pull is difficult for the women. They have to steer and pull the loaded handcarts in the sand, up the hill, without the men's strength. This is a powerful experience, held in silence in respect for this sacred place. The men line up at the top and observe as the women pull. Once the handcart is pulled to the top, the young women run to help the next in line.
When the pioneers crossed the plains, several sustained injuries or illnesses, making them unable to pull the handcarts. Their traveling companions had to help during these trying times. Our added challenge for this activity was to assign four of the strongest women to be assigned an affliction—such as a broken leg or fever—which would cause them to be pulled inside the handcart instead of helping to pull. One of those assigned to be "afflicted" was the Young Women's leader Sister Angie Kivett.
Angie was the backbone of all these young women; they looked to her for her incredible strength and direction, which she had gained from enduring hard things in her life. She was their cheerleader. She would have been the leader running from handcart to handcart helping to get them to the top.
One of the other "afflicted" was my daughter Rachel. Rachel is very athletic and very strong. I envision her as what I think the Nephite women were like. She knew about and had looked forward to the women's pull, knowing that her strength would help get many of the handcarts to the top. During the trek, she was always found on the front of the handcart where the hardest work was.
When she read her assignment, with tears welling up in her eyes, she looked towards her dad, who also had tears welling up in his eyes. He had chosen her specifically for this assignment. Rachel mouthed, shaking her head, "No, Dad...Don't make me do this...Don't make me do this." Rachel knew she needed to help pull her handcart as the other young women assigned to her handcart were Beehives, small and not as muscularly developed. One of them was actually trekking in an orthopedic walking boot. The thought of them having to pull her in the cart, up the steep hill, was almost more than Rachel could bear.
Obediently, Rachel, Sister Kivett, and a few others climbed into their handcarts and allowed the others to pull them up the steep and sandy hill.
Even after four and a half years, this lesson of doing hard things is still very tender to Rachel. Not being able to help was harder for her than if she would have had to pull the carts by herself.
As I reflect on this experience, I wonder how many times we all shake our heads and plead with our Heavenly Father to "not make me do this" in regards to the hard things we are challenged with.
Why do we have to go through hard things? Isn't it enough to just be obedient, say our prayers, read our scriptures, attend our church meetings? Do we have to have trials, especially when we are doing the things we think Heavenly Father wants us to do?
When Elder David A. Bednar served as the president of BYU-Idaho, I attended a meeting he held with a group of students. One young sister asked, "President Bednar, I read my scriptures, I say my prayers, I attend my meetings, I go to the temple, and still I don't feel the spirit in my life. Why not?" He responded, "Well, do you stop reading your scriptures, do you stop saying your prayers, do you stop going to your Sunday meetings, do you stop going to the temple?"
There are times where only Heavenly Father knows, and perhaps He has something else in mind that we can't see.
Isaiah reminds us of this in chapter 55, verses 8 and 9: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."
As I considered this topic of doing hard things for devotional, I was curious of what BYU-Idaho students would describe as "hard" things in their lives (besides the everyday expectations of school). I made a point of asking this question whenever I had a chance conversation with students. Here are a few of the responses:
- I spoke with a student from Ukraine who explained she was the only convert in her family. She was thousands of miles away from home. She identified her "hard" thing as providing for herself. She is a full-time student who holds three jobs. I asked her what she wanted to do when she finished her education, and with a smile on her face she said, "Everything." She has learned to embrace hard things.
- I met a student who gave up a soccer career. On his mother's deathbed, she told him she wanted him to go on a mission and go to BYU-Idaho, so he honored his mother, doing those things that she had asked instead of pursuing soccer.
- I met an art student who was going door to door trying to sell some of her art because she was $50 shy on her rent. She said she just told herself that she had to do something to come up with the money.
- I know a beautiful, sweet student who experienced an unexpected broken engagement.
- I know of a student with cancer. Her family lives in the West Indies. She is here alone. She has located a cancer specialist and goes to her appointments by herself. She attends her classes despite many complications from her disease and never makes excuses.
- I spoke to a student who explained that she had recently seriously started to take control of her health; losing weight was a very hard thing for her.
- I spoke to a student who explained that he has always had a really hard time reading. He said he doesn't learn like everyone, and it is hard for him to do well in his classes.
- Guilt and frustration associated with social media was a common answer to hard things.
- I know many of you have served or will serve missions. Missions are also a hard thing.
I know that there are many other situations just like these that I didn't uncover. What I realized is that we all have hard things in our lives. I know within the sound of my voice there are those that seek comfort that perhaps have come to this devotional or are listening from somewhere. Take courage. "Lift up your hearts and rejoice,...gird up your loins,...take upon you my whole armor."
We are taught in Doctrine and Covenants 19:23, "Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me." We are promised in the Book of Mormon, Alma 36:3, "Behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day."
We learn from our experiences, and when the next challenge comes, we use our experience to move forward with greater faith. These experiences teach us, much like Nephi learning to build a bow in preparation for needing to build a ship.
We know that Heavenly Father has commanded us to do hard things: following the commandments is a hard thing, repenting is hard, saying you're sorry is hard, forgiving is a hard thing, honoring your parents can be a hard thing, being an example is hard.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, in a recent Ensign article, reminds us that Heavenly Father has given us instructions to help us, which "work regardless of...age or circumstance."[10] We have the Church, the gospel of Jesus Christ, and the plan of salvation. He assures us that Heavenly Father has not left us alone with all the uncertainties or challenges of life, saying, "Here you go. Good luck. Figure it out."
A question also often asked is, why do we sometimes get several hard things thrown at us at once?
In his general conference address in 1995, Elder Richard G. Scott offered this insight: "Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit."
Have you ever noticed this in your life? Your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you, which makes you late for an important appointment. As you are hurrying, you have a fender bender, which is your fault. All these challenges seem to arrive simultaneously. We need to rely on our Heavenly Father to help us get through these experiences.
Joseph Smith, while imprisoned in Liberty Jail, was reassured: "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."[11]
What are the good things which come from trials? Can you list them? Here are a few:
- Increase in humility
- Becoming acquainted with God
- An increase in our faith
- Stronger character and competence
- Increased confidence and self-esteem
- Increased testimony
- Increased gratitude
- Increased capacity to do the next hard thing.
My ward calling is currently with the Sunbeams. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines sunbeams as "a ray of sunlight." These special little spirits haven't been away from their Father in Heaven for very long. Sunlight is warm and feels so good. What a perfect name for these little children. They are so honest and give the best answers. We learn foundational principles every week. I believe if I asked them how I should handle the hard things in my life, this is what they would teach me:
- The Holy Ghost will help you
- Say your prayers
- Follow the commandments
- Say you are sorry
- Forgive everyone
- Listen to your parents
- Read the scriptures
- I am a Child of God
- Heavenly Father and Jesus love me
This is great council from three-year-olds. I have been in nursery and Primary for the past eight years. It has not been a bad thing to be reminded to return to the basic gospel principles.
Conclusion
I have a testimony that we have a loving Heavenly Father who, by design, has added unique challenges into each of our lives. He has given us examples to follow. He has given us the gospel of Jesus Christ and the plan of salvation. As much as we would like to shake our heads and ask Him not to make us do these hard things, we need to look upward, have faith, be obedient and persist. It is when we persist in the fiery furnace that we are refined, and the outcome is for our eternal benefit. No one is exempt. Jesus Christ, our heroes in the scriptures, Joseph Smith, the pioneers, our parents, and us. Heber J. Grant instructed us that the hard things that we persist in doing become easier not because of the nature of the hard things but because of our ability, which grows with every hard thing that we experience.[12]
I'm thankful for the gospel, for the Church, and for my family. I have experienced hard things and have learned from my family and friends as they have endured their challenges. I have been so blessed to have good examples in my life. I'm also thankful for the opportunity to be here at BYU-Idaho. I am inspired every day by the students and faculty who are doing hard things.
It has been almost 45 years since the death of my little sister. My mom has been valiant in her testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and has hung onto the hope of the plan of salvation. She has grown and had good things manifested within her. She made the comment many years ago that she didn't realize how long this life would seem without Marianne. Sometimes we look at this life as eternity, but there is a promised day where there will be no tears. "Though hard to you this journey may appear, / Grace shall be as your day."[13]
When you have tried everything and think you can't go any further, look upward. Remember a loving Heavenly Father who knows us and wants us to become acquainted with Him.?We have tough times ahead. We will need more courage, strength, dedication, and faith. We can do hard things.
I leave these things with you, hoping that you have had your hearts touched today, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] D&C 121:1
[2] D&C 20:77
[3] Alma 32:27
[4] Mosiah 3:19
[5] Psalm 46:10
[6] Isaiah 48:10
[7] Abraham 3:25
[8] Isaiah 48:10
[9] 1 Nephi 17:13
[10] Our Father, Our Mentor, Ensign, June 2016
[11] D&C 122:7
[12] Heber J. Grant: A Man Without Excuses, New Era, January 1972
[13] Come, Come, Ye Saints, Hymns, No. 30