While growing up in the '80s, I was fascinated with Wonder Woman. I would watch her show and then go to my backyard to practice a variety of stunts and maneuvers I might be called upon to use in a precarious situation. I can't begin to tell you how empowered I felt when I wore my Wonder Woman shirt. I just felt like I could do so much good! My eight-year-old brain started to think, "If I can accomplish this much good while wearing my Wonder Woman T-shirt, how much good could I accomplish if Heavenly Father would allow me to be Wonder Woman?" So I began to pray, very fervently, numerous times a day, that Heavenly Father would allow me to be Wonder Woman; and while I was praying, I would promise Heavenly Father that I would "only use my powers for good!" After weeks and months of praying and no obvious transformation, I started to have some heart-to-heart talks with my mom about how prayers are answered. During one of our last conversations, my mom said, "Maybe Heavenly Father doesn't need you to be Wonder Woman; maybe he just needs you to be Kynda." How disappointing! I'm just going to be myself? That's no good! But this answer pacified me, and I moved out of the superhero developmental phase and on to another one.
A few years ago I was telling a friend about my Wonder Woman experience, and she told another friend, and the two of them purchased a Wonder Woman keychain for me. When they were presenting me with the keychain, my friend said, "We think you are Wonder Woman!" At that moment, I felt an electrical zing move from the top of my head down to my feet, and I felt this impression on my heart and mind: "You got to be her. You got to be Wonder Woman." My immediate reaction to this impression was, "No, I haven't! I haven't saved anyone from a burning building or stopped a speeding train!" But as I continued to process the impression I received, I began to realize what heroes really do: they help people.
There is a modern fable of a young man who is walking along the ocean and sees a beach on which thousands and thousands of starfish have washed ashore. Further along, he sees an old man walking slowly and stooping often, picking up one starfish after another and tossing each one gently into the ocean.
"Why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" the young man asks.
"Because the sun is up and the tide is going out, and if I don't throw them further in, they will die."
"But there must be thousands of starfish. You can't possibly save them all. In fact, even if you work all day, your efforts won't make any difference at all."
The old man listened calmly and then bent down to pick up another starfish and threw it into the ocean. "It made a difference to that one"[1]
I want you to identify a person in your life that has had a real and positive impact on your development. Are you thinking of someone? Now I want you to identify some behaviors exhibited by this person or identify interactions you had with this person. While some of you may be thinking of sports stars or other media figures, I'm guessing that most of you identified someone you have a personal relationship with--maybe a family member, coach, teacher, coworker, or a friend.
Today I would like to propose that our Heavenly Father's definition of a hero is fundamentally different than the world's definition. One of the curious side effects of the sensationalized media is that when we hear about a heroic person, we have a dual reaction of awe and intimidation. At the same moment we're thinking, "He's amazing! She's amazing!" we are also thinking, "But I can't swim in the Olympics like Katie Ledecky or survive in Afghanistan like U.S. Navy Seal Marcus Lattrell. I'm not capable of heroic acts."
Even more curious is that we tend to have this same reaction with the scriptures. We are in awe of Nephi, Enos, and Captain Moroni, but we are simultaneously intimidated by them. We believe we are not capable of their acts of faith--that what Nephi and Enos accomplished is beyond what we can accomplish. Let's see if this is true.
1 Nephi 17:8-10:
"And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto me, saying: Thou shalt construct a ship, after the manner which I shall show thee, that I may carry thy people across these waters."
"And I said: Lord, whither shall I go that I may find ore to molten, that I may make tools to construct the ship after the manner which thou hast shown unto me?"
"And it came to pass that the Lord told me whither I should go to find ore, that I might make tools."
In this passage, Nephi asks questions, he gets answers, and he follows directions.
In Enos 1:4, Enos is talking here. He says, "And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens."
So Enos prayed. The next scriptural reference is about Captain Moroni and the title of liberty. Just before the verse I'm going to share, Captain Moroni has just said, "In memory of our God, our religion, our [freedom and peace], our wives, and our children."[2]
Then in Alma 46:28 it says, "And now it came to pass that when Moroni had said these words he went forth, and also sent forth in all the parts of the land where there were dissensions, and gathered together all the people who were desirous to maintain their liberty, to stand against Amalickiah and those who had dissented, who were called Amalickiahites." In this passage, Captain Moroni took leadership opportunities.
In Mormon 1:1 it says, "And now I, Mormon, make a record of the things which I have both seen and heard, and call it the Book of Mormon." Mormon kept a journal.
Our final passage is my favorite example. In the first few verses of 1 Nephi, chapter five, Nephi and his brothers have just returned from Jerusalem, where they obtained the brass plates. I will read verses one, two, and six.
And it came to pass that after we had come down into the wilderness unto our father, behold, he was filled with joy, and also my mother, Sariah, was exceedingly glad, for she truly had mourned because of us.
For she had supposed that we had perished in the wilderness; and she also had complained against my father, telling him that he was a visionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness....
And after this manner of language did my father, Lehi, comfort my mother, Sariah, concerning us, while we journeyed in the wilderness up to the land of Jerusalem, to obtain the record of the Jews.
I love this passage because it humanizes Sariah and Lehi. Sariah was a regular, worried mom. If my husband, Eric, had guided me and my kids out on some relocation camping expedition for months on end and then sent my sons, Harrison and Davis, back on some secret mission to confront a bad person, I would be worried too! I would complain too! I also like how, in verse six, Lehi comforts Sariah and sets an example of what husband and wife should do for each other. They should be talking to each other. They should be comforting each other. In the end, Sariah is a regular person. She is faithful. She is strong. She is resilient, and she is human!
So let's recap and humanize these different examples. We can follow directions and build things (like Nephi), we can pray (like Enos), we can take leadership opportunities, we can write in a journal, and we can do hard things. We are more like Nephi, Enos, Captain Moroni, Mormon, Sariah, and Lehi than we realize. They were regular people who were willing to maintain a relationship with the Lord and do what they were asked to do. You and I are regular people who are willing to maintain a relationship with God and do what we are asked to do! We are and can continue to be just like our Book of Mormon heroes! So if Heavenly Father's definition of a hero is fundamentally different than the world's definition, what makes up a hero in our Father's eyes? While there are potentially numerous qualities, today I would like to propose two: the first quality is consistency, and the second is taking baby steps.
Think again of the person you identified as having an impact on your development. I'm guessing that one of their most appealing qualities is that they provided you with some kind of consistent support or guidance that was well paced. In other words, the support provided was neither overwhelming nor underwhelming. In most cases, I'm guessing their support was "just right." I'd like to share an example of pacing.
A few years ago, I had a unique opportunity. In April of 2013, I got to run in the Boston Marathon. In order to run the Boston, you have to earn the right to run it by successfully completing a qualifying marathon in the year prior to the Boston. Qualifying times are adjusted based on your age and gender. My designated qualifying time was 3 hours and 45 minutes, which translates to an average pace of about 8-and-a-half-minute miles. I tried to qualify for the Boston in the Top of Utah Marathon in Logan, Utah, in 2011 but missed my qualifying time by 46 seconds. While I was disappointed, I continued to train throughout the winter. I changed one key strategy and then ran the Ogden Marathon in May 2012. This time I met my qualifying time with a few minutes to spare.
So what was the strategy that ultimately contributed to my qualification? I changed my pacing. In my first qualification attempt--the Top of Utah Marathon--my strategy was to go out and run as fast as I could.
My husband, Eric, who is a fast and accomplished runner in his own right, ran out in front of me, and I did my best to stay right behind him. It felt amazing for the first half of the race. We were flying down the mountain and passing people right and left, but unfortunately this strategy came with a price. By the halfway point, I had expended most of my energy and ended up having very little energy to complete the race, let alone meet my qualifying time.
Eight months later, in the Ogden Marathon, I changed my approach.
I promised myself that I would not allow myself to run faster than an eight-minute mile pace. There were several times during the race that I would look down at my GPS, and I was going too fast. I had to make myself slow down. This was really hard! It's hard to allow people to pass you when you know you are capable of running fast too. But the goal is not to just run fast; the goal is to endure to the end. By slowing down the pace just a little, I increased my endurance. My new strategy paid off, just like the classic fable about a tortoise and a hare. The hare runs in short, distracted bursts. The tortoise is slower but more consistent in pacing, and the consistency ends up winning the race.
How often in life do we approach a new activity, calling, or task with so much initial zeal and excitement that we end up expending all of our energy at the beginning and have nothing left to give at the end? Consistency is a key in any responsibility: planting a garden, maintaining an exercise plan, fulfilling a calling, being a spouse and parent, going to college, and saving for retirement, just to name a few.
We need to plan to endure to the end. In the 13th Article of Faith it says, "Indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul--We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things."
In D&C 10:4 it says, "Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength... but be diligent unto the end." The Lord expects us to be mindful of our pacing. Consistent support and guidance is typically superior to intermittent bursts of support.
My family moved into North Canyon Sixth Ward in Bountiful, Utah, when I was 15 years old. I was blessed by my Mia Maid and Laurel leaders: Mary, Liz, Debbie, and Bonnie. While I cannot remember any specific lesson they taught me, I do remember that they were happy, loving, patient, persistent, and consistent. Now I have a 15-year-old daughter, and I am so very grateful that she has YW leaders who have all of those same qualities, but mostly that their consistent support is "just right." True heroes are consistent.
The second quality of a divine hero is taking baby steps. Just before I ran the Boston Marathon, friends and family who knew about the race would ask me a variety of questions. However, one of their questions kept tripping me up. Every once in a while, a person would ask this question: "How long do you expect the race to take?" I would answer that I was hoping to come in under four hours. When I would audibly hear myself say "four hours," my chest would start to tighten, my heart would start to race, and I would get light-headed. After experiencing this reaction a few times, I had to check myself. I had to give myself a time-out and think through my physiological response to my comment. As I processed this experience, I realized that I felt daunted by the idea of running for four hours. Four hours? That's a really long time! I don't know if I can run for four hours! Now, keep in mind, by that point I had run several marathons under the four-hour mark, but I just wasn't sure if I could do it again. I finally decided to change my focus. Since I wasn't positive that I could run the Boston in under four hours, I would focus on putting one foot in front of the other, and I would keep doing that for 26.2 miles. Once I changed my focus, I could relax and enjoy the race.
While it's good to have long-term goals, sometimes the "big picture" becomes overwhelming and/or intimidating. In these cases, we should break down the big picture into more manageable goals--baby steps. How are you going to complete a one-and-a-half or two-year mission? I don't know exactly how you are going to do that, but here's what we do know. You can get up on time each morning, and you can study when you are supposed to study and make contacts when you are supposed to be out working with the people. And you can do that every day until your time is up.
How are you going to complete a degree here at BYU-Idaho? Again, I'm not sure exactly how you're going to do it, but here's what we do know. You can attend your classes and contribute to your classmates' learning, you can study each day, you can turn in assignments, you can study for tests, and pretty soon you'll have a degree. If this semester as a whole is too daunting to consider, shrink your focus down to this month, this week, or even just today. Today you will be to class on time. Today you will study for two hours, and so on.
How are you and I going to make it to the celestial kingdom? I don't know exactly how we will accomplish this, but I do know that we can get up each morning and be kind and patient and watch what we say and work hard and be loving. If we don't do a great job today, we'll repent and try again tomorrow. And eventually, we will make it to the celestial kingdom. This is a fairly new concept to me. I did grow up in the Church, but as a child I found it upsetting to talk about the celestial kingdom because I knew my weaknesses and I never thought I would be good enough. But a few years ago, I was in a stake Relief Society meeting, and our wise Stake Relief Society president, Christy Syndergaard, said, and I quote, "You are going to make it to the celestial kingdom! Is it possible you won't? Yes, it's possible but not likely. You are going to make it!" I remember sitting in that chapel listening to Sister Syndergaard and being both surprised and relieved to hear those words spoken so plainly.
Those same words were shared by Elder J. Devn Cornish in this last general conference. He said, "Let me be direct and clear. The answers to the questions 'Am I good enough?' and 'Will I make it?' are 'Yes! You are going to be good enough' and 'Yes, you are going to make it as long as you keep repenting and do not rationalize or rebel.'" Elder Cornish went on to say, "I love the way President Gordon B. Hinckley used to teach this principle. I heard him say on several occasions, 'Brothers and sisters, all the Lord expects of us is to try, but you have to really try!' 'Really trying' means doing the best we can, recognizing where we need to improve, and then trying again. By repeatedly doing this, we come closer and closer to the Lord, we feel His Spirit more and more, and we receive more of His grace, or help."
We may feel that we are not good enough, but we are trying! And the reality is, we are exactly where we need to be right now. Years ago when my second daughter, Nelah, was in kindergarten, she was given a stencil to work with at school. She used this stencil to make me a sign. She brought the sign home and proudly presented it to me. The sign says, "Kynda is lfbut."
I was initially confused. Was she trying to say that I had a fluffy bum? While I was racking my brain trying to figure out what Nelah could mean by this, she said, with a huge smile on her face, "See, Mom. It says 'Kynda is beautiful.'" Aaah, yes, I see it now. "Beautiful" is a difficult word to spell. My five-year-old Nelah had sounded it out and spelled the word phonetically for me. When she ran out of room at the end of the line, she finished the word in the empty space at the beginning of the line, hence "lfbut." During this interaction with Nelah, there was no part of me that was worried for Nelah's spelling ability. I wasn't thinking, "Oh no! Nelah spelled 'beautiful' wrong! Now she's not going to graduate from high school or go to college!" No! Although she did not spell "beautiful" correctly, she was completely developmentally appropriate for her age. She was exactly where she was supposed to be at that time! I knew that eventually Nelah would learn how to spell "beautiful" correctly--and she has. Heavenly Father feels the same way about us! When we make mistakes, I don't think he is saying, "Well, Kynda has really messed up now. I don't think she is going to be able to endure to the end and return back to me." No! I bet He is thinking that you and I are exactly where we need to be at this point in our development: we are learning, and we are on the path to perfection. True heroes take baby steps.
The prophet Isaiah said,
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
"For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee."[3]
As we evaluate how to apply consistency and baby steps in our own lives and in the lives of others, think small, not big. The world will lead us to believe that the only things worth doing are the big things, but "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass."[4] One of the surprises of parenting for me has been how euphoric it feels to watch my kids be productive. After years of being pregnant and nursing, and wiping poop off of bums and mucus off of noses, and making job lists, and making sure they finish those job lists, and reading the scriptures, and holding FHE, and shuttling them around from place to place, now we are starting to see some of the payoff.
Last month we watched our two older children run and place at the state cross-country meet. Harrison is a senior at Skyline High School in Idaho Falls, and Adria is a freshman at the same school. A few days later, we watched these same two children play a piano duet at their younger brother's baptism. Never in those 10 collective years of changing diapers did I realize what all of those tiny, little acts of service and assistance would add up too.
And as parents, our contribution is only part of the puzzle. My kids have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who have guided and supported them. There have been Primary, youth, and Scout leaders. There have been piano, organ, and band teachers. There have been basketball, soccer, swim, and track coaches, and now a cross-country coach who loves them and guides them and who isn't afraid to correct them. As I look at my children, I realize that hundreds of people have been willing to contribute to their lives in a million little ways.
One of those little contributions was made by a student here on our campus. Parker Kuhn was a member of our family ward in Idaho Falls, and he is now a student living in Rexburg. When our son was a freshman, he was completing his Eagle Scout project. As part of the project, the young men of the ward were going to help Harrison by passing out flyers for a shoe drive. Harrison had planned out what he needed to do and bring to the activity but ended up forgetting the tape for the flyers. When I realized he left the tape behind, I drove around the neighborhood to all of the groups of boys who were handing out flyers to give them a roll of tape. I caught up to Parker and his friend and handed them the tape and thanked them for their willingness to help Harrison. Parker's two-word response to my gratitude has been forever seared in my brain. When I thanked Parker, he responded with, "My pleasure." How do we respond when we are given the opportunity to assist another? At that time, Parker was a senior in high school, and I'm sure he had a hundred other things he could have been doing, but he took one hour out of his day to help our son earn his Eagle.
The song "Glorious" from Meet the Mormons teaches us about our impact on the world. This life experience isn't all about you or all about me, but we can play a part. My favorite lines from the song say, "Everyone plays a piece, and there are melodies in each one of us. Pretty soon you'll start to figure out your part." When we look for opportunities to make a contribution, think small. Smile at the cashier at the grocery store. Invite your roommate to join you for an activity. Really listen to a friend. Invite a classmate to study with you. Write a thank-you note. Choose to look for the good in someone else. Reach out to a family member. The Church has introduced a simple service program for this Christmas season called Light the World. The idea is to look for simple ways to serve those around us each day. The theme is "Light the world in 25 ways over 25 days." You can visit Mormon.org for daily themes and ideas to get started. By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.
Frederick Buechner, an American writer and Presbyterian minister, said, "Compassion is ... the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too."[5]
I want you to know that Heavenly Father answered my eight-year-old prayers. He did allow me to be Wonder Woman, but not one from the comic strips and the TV shows. I got to be a daughter and a sister. I am a student and a teacher. I am a wife and a mother. I am a barber and a taxi driver. I am a runner and a referee. I am a visiting teacher and a friend. Heavenly Father didn't need me to be the media version of a superhero. He just needed me to be myself. While this prospect was initially disappointing to the eight-year-old Kynda, I have come to realize that the Lord just wants us to keep trying, keep repenting, keep improving, and realize our own personal potential. Throughout my life, I have been gradually changing my definition of a hero, moving away from the media version and moving closer to our Father's definition. As my own definition has evolved, I have asked myself numerous times throughout my life, did I keep my promise to Heavenly Father? Have I "only used my powers for good?" Do you use your powers for good? There is heroism inside each of us, but not the heroism from the news and movies. It's Heavenly Father's version of a hero. I pray that we can apply consistency and baby steps as we become the children, siblings, spouses, parents, students, and friends that our Heavenly Father needs us to be. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] The Starfish Story, 2006 Conference Program https://4.files.edl.io/b506/03/28/22/180601-2a742737-77ab-4d1b-9093-989e43ba72ce.pdf
[2] Alma 46:12
[3] Isaiah 41:10, 13
[4] Alma 37:6
[5] Buechner, F., 1994, "Spelling out the Truth," Third Way, 17, 5.