I am grateful to be with you today at BYU-Idaho. It's a privilege for me to work here with so many great students and employees. And I believe it is a privilege for you to be connected, in some form, to this special university. It's truly a sacred place.
I am amazed by the great young people that come here to BYU-Idaho. It is also a great opportunity for me to work in the Counseling Center here at the university. And to hear firsthand accounts of the many trials and challenges that you wrestle with in your lives. I am continually amazed and inspired by the way you cope and overcome those challenges. Like you, I am grateful that I have the framework of the gospel to assist in understanding the purpose of trials and opposition in our lives.
Joseph Smith once said,
"I am like a huge, rough stone rolling down from a high mountain; and the only polishing I get is when some corner gets rubbed off by coming in contact with something else, striking with accelerated force . . . - all hell knocking off a corner here and a corner there. Thus I will [in time] become a smooth and polished shaft in the quiver of the Almighty."[1]
In this instance, the Prophet Joseph referred to the role that opposition plays in helping to refine us and make us fit for the kingdom of God. He could certainly speak to that topic, as he had more than his fair share of opposition and trials. There are so many different kinds of challenges and trials that we face.
The focus of my thoughts today will be to highlight some general principles that might assist you in whatever trial you might be facing in your life. To do so, I want to tell you my son Josh's story.
Now I have to tell you a little about Josh so you get a feel for his personality. He is our oldest son, and his temperament is fairly easy-going. He is somewhat introverted. He doesn't like a lot of fuss or attention, and he's pretty independent. Unlike some of our other children, he didn't require much discipline growing up.
I remember when he was around age three, that I could go play basketball and I could sit him on the stage at the church house with some treats, and he could sit there eating his snacks quietly for more than an hour as he watched me play. (That's pretty remarkable). That's just Josh. None of our other children could have done that, but he was blessed with a calm demeanor. His temperament would assist him in enduring the great trials that were ahead for him.
When my son was five years old he sort of trotted into the room one day and very casually said, "Dad, can you see out of this eye the same way you see out of the other eye?" Somewhat concerned, we had him cover his eye and did a little test on his sight. It was apparent that he could not see the same out of both eyes. So, we thought he might need glasses, and took him to an ophthalmologist that same week. As the doctor shined a light in Josh's eye, to examine the optic nerve, I will never forget the look of alarm on the doctor's face. He wouldn't tell us what was wrong, but he immediately scheduled us for an appointment at Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City. (Not a good sign, right?).
Shortly thereafter Josh was diagnosed as having a large tumor directly behind his eyes, that was pressing on his optic nerve, and damaging his vision in one eye. Surgery was scheduled immediately. I'll always remember him being wheeled into the surgery room in a little car, with an angel nurse by his side. To us it was like our lamb was going to the slaughter. And, if you saw him afterward, you would think that he had gone to the slaughter.
Normally they would go through the nasal cavity to access this type of tumor, but because of his age, they had to cut an incision from ear to ear, and go in through his skull. In this picture you can see Josh shortly after he came out of surgery. We prayed hard, and hoped for the best. Within a day after surgery his eyes were completely swollen shut and everything was dark. He was all alone that first night after surgery, as we were not allowed in the room.
That was painfully difficult for all of us. While the surgery was successful in removing the tumor, in the process they destroyed his pituitary gland--the body's master gland. Josh would need to have all his hormones synthetically replaced for the rest of his life.
He received many blessings during this time, and afterward, including blessings that discussed his healing. That healing did not come in the form we expected. We, of course, wanted him to be healed to the extent that he would not be dependent on any more medicine. But instead, the blessing was that he responded miraculously well to all of the medicines he was required to take. It was also a miracle that all of his hormones could be synthetically replaced. 30 years earlier that would not have been possible.
Years passed. By the time he was in high school he was 6' 3" tall. We had one doctor tell us he had never seen someone as tall as Josh, who was entirely dependent on growth hormone from such a young age. We were grateful for that blessing. Josh learned to endure the health challenges that were an everyday part of his life, and our family gradually learned to adjust to his medical routines.
When I think of Josh's experience when he was a little boy, I am reminded of Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's talk entitled "Come What May and Love it!" I sometimes like to think of that statement as "Come What May and Accept it." Elder Wirthlin said, "How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can't—at least not in the moment."
Referring to his mother's counsel of "Come What May and Love it," Elder Wirthlin explained, "I don't think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don't think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life."[2] Elder Wirthlin taught us to make the best out of difficult circumstances, and to still find joy in the journey.
One example from the scriptures about how we might respond to adversity comes from the account of Nephi and Laman and Lemuel. In 1 Nephi 17:1-2, Nephi says,
"And it came to pass that we did again take our journey in the wilderness; . . . And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness."And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmuring."[3]
In that same chapter listen to what Laman and Lemuel said of their experience:
"And thou art like unto our father, led away by the foolish imaginations of his heart; yea, he hath led us out of the land of Jerusalem, and we have wandered in the wilderness these many years; and our women have toiled, being big with child; and they have borne children in the wilderness and suffered all things, save it were death; and it would have been better that they had died before they came out of Jerusalem than to have suffered these afflictions."[4]
Nephi and Laman and Lemuel seem to be describing two different journeys, but in reality they are describing the very same experience.
How could Nephi see the great blessings of the Lord during their journey, while Laman and Lemuel say that it would have been better if their families would have died before they left due to their intense sufferings? I think the answer to that question comes much earlier in the record.
In chapter 2 of 1 Nephi, Laman and Lemuel murmur about their father's revelation to leave Jerusalem, while Nephi says, in verse 16:
"I did cry unto the Lord, and behold he did visit me and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers."[5]
Can you see those same attitudes playing out during their subsequent journey?—Laman and Lemuel murmuring about their trials, while Nephi continues to "cry unto the Lord" for support and understanding. I think there is a lesson in that account for successfully enduring trials. We also will need to cry unto the Lord to soften our hearts during times of difficulty, and look to Him for understanding.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell, who knew much about "enduring" from his own eight-year battle with leukemia, insightfully explained,
"Patient endurance is to be distinguished from merely being 'acted upon.' Endurance is more than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance; it is not only acceptance of the things allotted to us, it is to 'act for ourselves' by magnifying what is allotted to us."[6]
I believe that sometimes, due to our shortsightedness, we might think we have endured enough. In essence, we seek to counsel the Lord as to the timing and extent of suffering we experience, with our own limited wisdom. "If certain mortal experiences were cut short," Elder Maxwell continues, "it would be like pulling up a flower to see how the roots are doing. Put another way, too many anxious openings of the oven door, and the cake falls instead of rising. Moreover, enforced change usually does not last, while productive enduring can ingrain permanent change." Let me emphasize that last sentence, enforced change usually does not last, while productive enduring can ingrain permanent change.
During the summer before our son Josh's junior year of high school he began experiencing painful headaches. We thought he was experiencing a prolonged sinus infection, but after visiting many doctors and seeing no improvement, a doctor finally ordered an MRI. To our shock and horror, when we looked at the scans, we discovered he had multiple brain tumors—cancer spreading throughout his brain cavity. These tumors were unrelated to the one he had when he was five. One doctor told us that the odds of having two different types of brain tumors were something like one in 150 million! One of these tumors was blocking the brain fluid from draining properly and that was what was causing his headaches.
A local doctor did immediate surgery, inserting a fairly large shunt at the base of his skull in order to alleviate the pressure caused by the accumulation of fluid in his brain cavity. They then did a second surgery, also through the top of the skull, in order to take a biopsy to determine if the tumors were malignant or benign. That surgery failed to get a proper biopsy, and we found ourselves back at Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City, where, after a third surgery, it was determined that his tumors were indeed malignant. That meant months of chemotherapy and radiation treatment. He spent his entire junior year of High School receiving treatment. Fortunately, Josh responded amazingly well to both treatments in the intervening months, and by the end of his Junior year of high school he was cancer free! We were again, deeply grateful for this blessing.
In the book of Mosiah there is a great story about Alma the elder and his people who had gathered to a place called Helam. Amulon, a former colleague of Alma's, who had also been one of King Noah's wicked priests, was eventually appointed to oversee Alma and his people. Beginning in Mosiah 24:9, it reads:
"For Amulon knew Alma, that he had been one of the king's priests, and that it was he that believed the words of Abinadi and was driven out before the king, and therefore he was wroth with him . . . yet he exercised authority over them, and put tasks upon them, and put taskmasters over them.
"And it came to pass that so great were their afflictions that they began to cry mightily to God.
"And Amulon commanded them that they should stop their cries; and he put guards over them to watch them, that whosover should be found calling upon God should be put to death.
"And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.
"And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.
"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
"And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."[7]
Several things stand out to me in this account about how we should endure our trials, including Alma and his people crying out "mightily to God." I am impressed with their total submission to the will of the Lord, exercising "great faith" and "patience" during their difficulty. My favorite phrase in this passage is when it describes Alma and his people submitting "cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." What a great example of how to persevere and cope during a very trying time. Like Alma and his people, we are also the covenant people of the Lord, and He will not leave us comfortless during our times of trial.
In our experience with Josh he was a great example of enduring cheerfully. He literally never complained once through the whole ordeal. His Mom and I were certainly not at that level of endurance, and I'm sure I would have done my fair share of complaining had the roles been reversed. Nearly every picture we have of him during his chemotherapy treatments shows him smiling. I couldn't personally imagine going through chemotherapy and radiation treatment and still smiling? This is a picture of Josh with his youngest brother towards the end of his treatment. Now, there were tough days. He certainly wasn't always smiling during times of painful treatment and suffering. But he seemed to remain optimistic and even "cheerful" throughout the experience.
Our family learned many life-changing lessons through these experiences with Josh, and perhaps there are some things that may be of use to you as you experience your own challenges.
First, as you go through your own trials, work to be submissive to the will of the Lord. So often it seems that we try and change the will of the Lord to fit our own view of how things should go. I testify that we can experience great peace when we are submissive to our Heavenly Father and His purposes. We experienced that peace with an assurance that no matter what happened to our son the Lord would not leave us comfortless.
In Mosiah 3:19 it reads,
"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love. . ."
Now, pay attention to this part of the verse:
"willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."[8]
I love the words "yield" and "submit." The dictionary says that when we submit we "Stop trying to fight or resist something: [we] agree to accept something that [we] have been resisting or opposing."[9] Wow! Is there anything in your life of a spiritual nature that you have been resisting? Do we sometimes resist the very trials that could help refine and purify us? Could submitting and yielding our hearts to God allow for much greater growth and ultimately, even sanctification?
The second lesson we learned was this: Allow others to help you. This was one of the most painful lessons I had to learn as we went through our trial with Josh's health challenges.
Now you should know that I am very independent, and before this experience with our son I prided—and I underscore the word pride here—I prided myself on being self-reliant. However, through this experience I have learned that we are all self-reliant in some realms of our lives, and we all need help in others. Also, we may be self-reliant during different periods of our lives, but need help during others.
Brothers and sisters, how can we "lift up the hands which hang down," or "strengthen the feeble knees" if we are all completely independent and self-reliant all of the time? How can we mourn with those that mourn, or comfort those who stand in need of comfort if we, as saints, are all independent?
During one particularly difficult time when Josh was to return to Salt Lake City for chemotherapy, we needed help with our other four children. My Mom was scheduled to come up from Nevada to help, but she came down with a kidney stone at the last minute.
I remember that in our desperate circumstance, gathering the family together, kneeling in a circle, and petitioning the Lord in family prayer to help us. No sooner had we got off our knees than the phone rang, and a sister in a neighboring ward felt impressed to call and ask how she could help. My wife told her of our plight, and she said, "Done. I'll take care of it. Don't even worry about this week." And she took care of the children for the entire week! We couldn't have done it without her timely help. Later on, ward members called and asked if we would be okay with a special fast for our son. After wrestling with that decision some, we finally said "yes." It was one of the best decisions we ever made, as the primary children began to pray for us. If you ever need great faith and extra blessings, get the primary children involved in praying for you.
The third lesson we came to understand was that during trials we need to cling to our faith with all the strength we have. We clung to the words of our prophets and apostles during this time of trial, carrying the most recent general conference issue with us wherever we went. I remember discussing conference talks continually with my wife Daylene while we waited in the hospital, and waited, and waited. We found great strength and pertinent counsel as we studied and pondered the words of our leaders. Here is one nugget of truth I remember from President Monson's talk that conference:
"When compared to eternal verities, most of the questions and concerns of daily living are really rather trivial. . . These questions . . . lose their significance when times of crisis arise, when loved ones are hurt or injured, when sickness enters the house of good health, when life's candle dims and darkness threatens. Our thoughts become focused, and we are easily able to determine what is really important and what is merely trivial."[10]
We found that counsel was so true in our situation. Immediately after Josh's diagnosis all the trivial things of life dropped out of our lives.
Personal prayer also played a critical role. I remember at one point before he started chemotherapy his local surgeon felt like the shunt he had inserted was no longer working. He was concerned that Josh would begin retaining fluid again, which fluid, if there was too much retained, could even cause his death. My wife and mother-in-law were at the doctor's office for a routine appointment when this was discovered. I was at home with our other children. They called me with the news, but I felt unsettled about what the doctor was recommending. Our younger kids were in bed, and I was alone in my home.
I remember kneeling by my bedside and praying fervently for direction. I was given to know that this surgery was unnecessary with an unmistakable answer. I called and informed my wife about my impression, and they cancelled surgery. When she and my mother-in-law came home they were pretty upset with me because of what the doctor had told them. My mother-in-law looked me square in the face, and said, "You realize Josh could die don't you?" Now, for those of you who aren't married yet, just a word of advice here: When attempting to maintain healthy relationships with your in-laws, it is not wise to contradict your mother-in-law. Keep that in mind. But in this case, I stood firm. I got a call from the doctor at 2 am, basically saying the same thing—"Do you realize your son could die?" I heard him out, but stood firm. I had prayed and received clear direction.
What would you do if you had received a spiritual answer that contradicted what everyone else around you thought was the right course, and your son's life hung in the balance? The next day we traveled to Salt Lake, where doctors reassured us that Josh's shunt was okay, and it did not need to be removed. I was so grateful that I listened to the Spirit, and that Josh did not have to go through an additional surgery.
For Josh, during his ordeal, he clung to statements contained in his patriarchal blessing, that specifically referenced his future missionary service and fatherhood, as well as promises he received from priesthood blessings.
Daylene and I increased our temple attendance during this time of difficulty. You might think you haven't the time to increase your spiritual activities during difficult times, but I know that it can be a great blessing to you if you do, and I testify that we received great strength from worshiping more frequently in the House of the Lord. Our burdens were easier to bare—even light, as was the case with Alma and his people—due to these spiritual practices.
Finally, seek to serve others while experiencing trials. During the time Josh was being treated for cancer, he was granted a wish from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Perhaps you have heard of that organization. They were famously highlighted a year or so ago when a five-year-old battling leukemia wished he could be Batman for a day, and so he helped save San Francisco from the Riddler, while tens of thousands gathered to watch and cheer him on. It was a touching experience that has since been made into a film.
In our case, Josh could ask for anything he wanted, and his brothers and sister chimed in on what he should wish for—including meeting NBA great Lebron James, going to Disneyland, or going on a Caribbean cruise. However, when we went to Josh and discussed his wish with him alone—away from his siblings—we discovered that he had already decided what he wanted. He said that so much of the year had been focused on him and his treatment, that he decided he wanted to give his wish away to his siblings. It was the first time in Make-A-Wish's history in the state of Idaho that someone gave what they termed a "give-back" wish. His wish was to give his siblings a surprise Christmas. We were amazed about his request, and we tried to determine whether this is what he really wanted--but he assured us that this was what he wanted most.
He spent weeks gathering information about what his brothers and sister wanted for Christmas, and then spent several days in Salt Lake City after one of his chemotherapy treatments shopping for presents. It was a great distraction from his own suffering. We will never forget that Christmas as long as we live! Josh—all dressed up in a Santa suit—handing out presents to his siblings.
In giving his "wish" away to his family, I believe that it helped Josh have time where he could distract himself from his own burdens, and have joy in witnessing the happiness of others. I find that principle is true in my profession as a counselor.
There have been many occasions where I am burdened with my own challenges, and then I sit down and listen to the difficulties of others. And by the end of our visit, all of the sudden my problems don't seem very big. I think most of us understand that principle, but I believe that it is especially important to remember when going through difficult times.
After waiting an extra year to obtain medical clearance, Josh is now serving as a full-time missionary in Oklahoma. Josh is on your right--pictured here with his younger brother Drake, who is currently serving in the Domincan Republic. Notice that Josh is still smiling.
We are grateful for the miracles he has experienced, and will yet experience in his life. Through the lens of experience, we now see many of the purposes of the Lord in his not being healed immediately from all of his health challenges when he was a little boy. Our whole family, along with countless others, have been blessed by his faith and his patient endurance of his trials.
I hope that we can view our trials not as irritants or a time to ask "Why me?," but rather as an opportunity to deepen our discipleship and draw close to our Heavenly Father. I pray that our times of trial might have a sanctifying effect upon us through submitting to the Lord's will and purposes. That our trials might be a time where we truly exercise our faith in the Lord, and like Alma and His people, we will endure patiently—even cheerfully, in waiting to see the Lord's purposes of the trials that come to us in our lives. I bear testimony that the Lord will not leave us comfortless during our extremities, if we will turn to Him with full purpose of heart. I am a witness of his tender loving support. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] Joseph Smith. Discourse to Saints, May 1843; DHC 5:389
[2] Joseph B. Wirthlin. "Come What May, and Love It," October 2008, General Conference
[3] 1 Nephi 17:1-2
[4] 1 Nephi 17:20
[5] 1 Nephi 2:16
[6] Neal A. Maxwell. "Endure it Well," April 1990, General Conference
[7] Mosiah 24:9-15
[8] Mosiah 3:19
[9] Merriam-Webster Dictionary
[10] Thomas S. Monson. "The Race of Life," April 2012, General Conference