Let me take you back 10 years ago. My oldest daughter had just turned 16, and it was prom day. The girls decided to prepare for prom at our house, and I began to witness something I had never even imagined before. There was makeup, curling irons, giggling, and practicing for hours! The girls actually practiced walking out to meet their dates! I was so out of my element I decided to just find a back corner in the house and try to stay out of the way. But I couldn’t help thinking about how the boys were preparing, because I was reminded how I prepared for my first prom date. We had lowered the basketball hoops to eight feet and were having a slam dunk contest in our tuxedos about 20 minutes before we had to pick up the girls. We got so sweaty that one of us had the brilliant idea that if we coated our armpits with laundry detergent it would cover up the smell. It seemed to work! At any rate, back to my daughter. I remember my daughter feeling so pretty, so valued! Then I had this horrible thought! What if the boys don’t say anything nice! What if they don’t recognize the effort these girls have put into this! The thought came because I again remembered my 16-year-old male brain! I did the only thing I could do; I looked heavenward and said a quick plea: “Heavenly Father, please help these boys say something nice!”
The time arrived and the girls came out as rehearsed! Fortunately, my plea must have worked, because the boys were very gracious. My daughter’s date gave her a great compliment, and she was glowing. And then the last girl came out. She had selected a more revealing dress, and in response to her entrance, all the boys looked away from their dates to give her a scan. I watched my daughter’s confidence get crushed and felt a little piece of my heart break off and drop. This was an unexpected emotion, and only you fathers with daughters will understand this, but my testosterone started to boil and it took all my will power to stay seated! But this emotion was also followed with a sinking feeling of despair, would I have done the same thing? I’m afraid, if I’m being completely honest, I probably would had done the same, at least then, when I was struggling through my stupid years. But I don’t want to talk about then; I want to talk about now!
But to talk about now, we need to go back even further. We need to go back to pre-mortality. We need to remind ourselves that we were once all spiritual beings that lived with God. We were taught, instructed, and we were given the agency to choose, which allowed us to achieve various levels of intelligence. Then came an interesting event; our mature spiritual intelligences were placed into immature vessels, our bodies. Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered, “Where is my spirit? How can two entities co-exist in the same sphere?”
Anyways, our mortal bodies come with some crazy default settings. The prophet Mosiah called these settings the natural man. I have that phrase crossed out in my scriptures and instead have written the phrase “limbic system.” The limbic system is your default setting for survival; it craves love, food, safety, adventure, and warns you when you are about to be friend-zoned! In short, without this system you could not live. But if you don’t learn to control the limbic system, your stupid scale will be off the charts! Can you imagine living in a body that just does whatever it is craving at the moment!
Thus, the goal, as I see it, is for our mature spiritual intelligences to learn to integrate into our mortal brains and control our limbic systems. To help us integrate quicker, God has given us commandments, or rules, but rules are what the limbic system hates most. Why? Because keeping a rule often means forgoing something that your limbic system really wants to do. And yet, when the limbic system learns to obey the rules, the body enjoys a unique and higher form of freedom. The irony is this: You simply can’t survive without the limbic system, but you can’t thrive if you don’t learn to control it.
One of the rules the limbic system hates the most is chastity. Why? Because a major drive of the limbic system is sex, and the law of chastity makes the limbic system wait! And apparently, this waiting is a really big deal! How big of a deal? Here is what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has to say about it: “Setting aside sins against the Holy Ghost for a moment as a special category unto themselves, it is LDS doctrine that sexual transgression is second only to murder in the Lord’s list of life’s most serious sins.” [1] Yikes! That is a pretty big deal!
Why is sexual transgression, or breaking the law of chastity, so serious? Again from Elder Holland: “The purchase price for our fullness of joy—body and spirit eternally united—is the pure and innocent blood of the Savior of this world. We cannot then say in ignorance or defiance, ‘Well, it’s my life,’ or worse yet, ‘It’s my body.’ It is not. ‘Ye are not your own,’ Paul said. ‘Ye are bought with a price.’” [2] Perhaps the seriousness of sexual sin is because of the significance of this purchase price, that price being the innocent blood of the Savior, and it is that price that allows us the freedom to govern sexual desires!
What then is sexual purity? Inevitably when I have conversations about this topic in my bishop’s office, it usually goes something like this: I might ask, “Did you break the law of chastity by crossing any lines?” whereupon the student will respond with, “Where exactly is the line, Bishop?” In other words, my question is often answered with a question back—a very good argument strategy, I might add! Oftentimes, my line and their line are in two different places, sometimes even opposite each other. How is that possible? Aren’t we all on the same team? Well, defining lines is actually a complicated discussion. Maybe because line drawing, with regard to chastity, is highly dependent on what covenants you have made. For example, as a married man, holding hands with another woman, who is not my wife, in a sexual manner, is crossing a chastity line. In fact, married couples have an even tighter expectation with regard to chastity lines, whereas the single dude could easily get away with holding hands with multiple girls and still be far away from chastity lines, although he might tick off a bunch a girls! In addition to temple covenants, priesthood offices, like elders quorum presidents, Relief Society presidents, or bishops, come with even stricter lines.
It is not my objective today to draw a line for you, but consider this question I once posed to a very argumentative student. I simply took out a piece of paper and said, “Here, you draw your line. Make your arguments and convince me that you didn’t break any chastity lines.” As he began with a determined resolve, I added one more challenge: “Oh, by the way, in this role play, you be yourself and I’ll be Jesus Christ.” To this additional prompt, his demeanor changed, and his line suddenly moved closer, a lot closer to mine. It would seem that when our focus is towards Christ, the lines become easier to see.
Rather than focusing on lines, I would like to teach you some physiology to offer a different perspective. Think of the charge given to all us with regard to dominion.
Brigham Young further elaborated this by stating, “The dominion God gives man is designed to test him, to enable him to show to himself, his fellows, and all the heavens just how he would act if entrusted with God’s own power; if he does not act in a godlike manner, he will never be entrusted with a creation of his own, worlds without end.” [3] I think the easiest definition of dominion is simply this: when you are in charge of something. Consider this thought: the immune cells in your body, the ones in charge of keeping you safe from intruders, have access to every part of our body, even your brain, with the exception of two places. For the male that place would be the testis, and for the female the ovary. With this in mind, the “guests,” or the things of our body that we have charge over, are the eggs and sperm. Why do I call them guests? Because your body has never seen them; the immune system hasn’t learned to recognize them. Simply put, those cells are not yours, and if the immune system gets access to them it will destroy them, because it knows they are not yours. In addition, when you were cooking in mom’s tummy, the cells that make up your organs like your heart and lungs, came from the embryo, but the cells that make up your testis or ovaries came from outside the embryo, or the yolk sac. There are only two cell types that come from outside the embryo: cells that will make the testis or ovaries and cells that will make blood. Isn’t that interesting? Blood, which gives you mortal life, and the others, which give you eternal posterity, are both, embryologically speaking, considered “guests.” Yet, God has given you dominion over those things.
Now, back to the limbic system. You may ask, “If sexual intimacy is such a sacred thing, why is my limbic system defaulted towards misusing it!” I might address this question by using the word “if” as a statement, rather than a question. If my limbic system has such a draw towards sex, it must be a very important component of survival, or, if God puts such an emphasis on keeping the law of chastity, it must be essential for my eternal happiness. Finally, if Satan knows the importance of sexual purity to God—and I guarantee that he does—it would make sense for him to put an incredible amount of effort into blurring the lines!
So how might Satan tap into our limbic system defaults to prevent us from learning to control them? The biology behind his attempts is actually quite fascinating! Let’s expose them. There are five ways to tap into the limbic system to make something irresistible. All you need to do is make it:
- An intense version of a natural need
- Novel
- Completely accessible at all times
- Minimize immediate side effects
- Preserve anonymity
If you can create a substance that meets all five criteria, then you have created the most addictive substance on earth! Consider how internet porn hits all five criteria: it is definitely an intense version of a natural need, it is novel (each click brings new novelty), it is completely accessible on our phones (24 hours a day, 7 days a week), it produces no immediate side effects (porn users can view for hours), and it can be used in complete anonymity. No wonder it is the plague of our day and it has one focus: blur the lines of chastity. I think this is a major contributing factor as to why chastity lines can be so different. Can you blame those 16-year-old boys and girls? They were simply no match for the subtlety of the devil and his limbic system takeover tactics. But that was then; what about now? Hopefully this devotional talk can add a few more weapons to your own arsenal to be used to defend yourself against the subtleties of the devil and the blurring of the lines.
Ponder if you will this pleading from Elder Holland:
You must wait—you must wait until you can give everything, and you cannot give everything until you are at least legally and, for Latter-day Saint purposes, eternally pronounced as one. To give illicitly that which is not yours to give (remember—“you are not your own”) and to give only part of that which cannot be followed with the gift of your whole heart and your whole life and your whole self is its own from of emotional Russian roulette. If you persist in sharing part without the whole, in pursuing satisfaction devoid of symbolism, in giving parts and pieces and inflamed fragments only, you run the terrible risk of such spiritual, psychic damage that you may undermine both your physical intimacy and your wholehearted devotion to a truer, later love. You may come to that moment of real love, of total union, only to discover to your horror that what you should have saved has been spent and—mark my words—only God’s grace can recover that piecemeal dissipation of your virtue. [4]
It is my prayer today that I might give you some knowledge and action items to help you recover, or better yet, prevent the “piecemeal dissipation of your virtue.” I offer three challenges on how you might guard against hostile limbic system takeovers.
1. Never charge your phone next to your pillow.
The limbic system will argue, “But you need it for an alarm clock so that you don’t miss class.” Remember, limbic system justifications are always selfish and designed to make it as easy as possible to gratify the desire. These justifications can sound like this: “You have been so good, for so long; you deserve this!” Or it might say, “It could be worse; at least you are not doing that!” If you can make fulfilling the justification just a tiny bit more difficult, you will be surprised at how well it works. After all, the limbic system is also lazy, wanting satisfaction and convenience at the same time.
2. Move.
Perhaps my favorite anti-limbic system word. When the limbic urge comes, all you need to do is move. For example, if you find yourself with your recent “DTR-ed” friend, and it is late, dark, and a little cold, and the movie is not over, and you are alone, when you move to get a blanket, just continue moving right out the door and home! Not moving, when the limbic system has decided it wants something, is like trying to sit all day in the donut shop on fast Sunday, and not eat a donut. Impossible!
3. Keep your covenants.
With regard to the temple, this may be the one recommend question that everyone just thoughtlessly answers yes! When I have asked that question as bishop to members during recommend interviews—“Do you keep your temple covenants?”—I sometimes am tempted to respond, “Really, you keep all of the temple covenants? What exactly, and how many temple covenants are there anyways?” I know that when I asked myself that question once, I didn’t know! Consequently, I paid much closer attention during my next temple visit!
In closing, I would like to add some hope to those who are struggling with control of their limbic system. Can you gain back control? Consider this scriptural chain. In Mosiah 28:4 we read, “And thus did the Spirit of the Lord work upon them, for they were the very vilest of sinners.” [5] This was the description given to Alma and the sons of Mosiah. But that was then. Fast-forward to now, and we find a different description in Alma 48: “Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.” [6]
But one of my favorite versus is the one that follows after:
Behold, he was a man like unto Ammon, the son of Mosiah, yea, and even the other sons of Mosiah, yea, and also Alma and his sons, for they were all men of God. [7]
To me, it is most significant that the verse doesn’t say, except for Corianton, the son of Alma who chased after the harlot Isabel, the son who struggled with chastity lines. Instead it reminds us, “For they were all men of God.” [8]
And how did they become men of God? They repented and never went back to those things. In essence, they stopped charging their cell phones next to their pillows, they moved, and they started keeping their covenants again. It is my testimony that if you focus on obedience to all covenants, especially to chastity lines, you will find your limbic system to be more yielding to your spirit, and when your limbic system yields to your spirit, you become master of the flesh, and mastering the flesh is pure freedom. I’ll conclude with a thought from my oldest daughter: “Physically restraining yourself shows a resilience in fighting temptation. It demonstrates respect for the other person and for yourself. Restraint will strengthen trust in one another, and it will pave the way to developing a deep and unbreakable bond of true love that will be strong enough to weather the storms ahead. Temptation never goes away; it is something you have to fight everyday of your life, but it is something you can fight, and win!" [9]
Notes
[1] Jeffrey R. Holland, “Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments,” BYU devotional, Jan. 12, 1988.
[2] Ibid.
[3] Discussed in BYU Studies, Summer 1972, cf. The Gospel of Philip, 112:14f, and E. Brunner-Traut, in Ztschr, f. aeg. Sprache, vol. 80 (1955), pp. 27, 29.
[4] Jeffrey R. Holland, “Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments,” BYU devotional, Jan. 12, 1988.
[5] Mosiah 28:4.
[6] Alma 48:17.
[7] Alma 48:18.
[8] Alma 48:18; emphasis added.
[9] Jaelynn Hunt (daughter).