Thank you, Sister Eyring. It is always a delight to follow you. The Spirit testifies warmly of your words and faith.
I’m also grateful to gather virtually at the beginning of BYU-Idaho’s 2021 Spring Semester. This is the semester that affords the best weather in Rexburg. It may snow a bit at the beginning, but the shoveling won’t be heavy work.
As in the past two semesters, we will be providing a meal this coming Sunday. The leaders of your stake and ward can provide the necessary information and direction. Our intent is to help you gather as apartment members and make plans, both spiritual and temporal, for having a productive, safe spring semester. You might also consider a one-meal fast.
Notwithstanding continuing uncertainties in the world, spring is a time to celebrate. With it comes renewal, an opportunity to change ourselves for the better. The brightness of the sun and the warmth of the air encourages thoughts and dreams of improvement, not only in the world around us, but also in our hearts and minds.
Yet thorough-going, lasting change is generally hard to make. It’s true that in the scriptures we find some miraculous conversions; but those weren’t immediate, as we’ll see. Generally speaking, spiritual change occurs gradually, often in a dance of two-steps-forward and one-or-more-steps-back.
Sometimes, this perceived failure to advance spiritually can lead us to frustration and a feeling that the windows of Heaven are not open to us. In fact, though, we are known perfectly by our Heavenly Father and the Savior. This mortal life is a divinely crafted learning opportunity, a test of faith and willingness to change. A major feature of the test is a veil preventing us from recalling our premortal life, in the presence of Elohim and Jehovah as well as other loved ones.
Another challenge is presented by earthly temptations and frailties of body and mind. In the Garden of Gethsemane, where the Savior undertook His infinite Atonement, Peter, James, and John, the foremost of the apostles, struggled to stay awake. Their apostolic colleague Matthew later wrote:
And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?
Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. [i]
Given the mortal weaknesses and infirmities of even faithful people, as well as the persistence and cunning of our spiritual adversary, we are most likely to pass the tests of mortality if we look to trustworthy guides and guideposts. Among them are prophets and other leaders called of God. Also helpful are revealed scripture, wise parents, and faithful friends. Perhaps most helpful are the whisperings of the Holy Ghost, who can dwell in our hearts and illuminate our minds, as we let Him.
Tests of Faith
But even with this divine help, all of us face times of doubt and weakness. Sometimes we can feel inadequate and even mired in despair. That was true of me 25 years ago, when I was a young father of three children, each of them now BYU-Idaho graduates. As you may have heard me say before, the year 1996 was an emotionally and spiritually challenging time in my life. Frustrated in my professional ambitions, I let distress get the better of me. And I failed to hide that distress, as was manifested in my hair, which fell out from head to toe, including eyelashes and brows.
Blessedly, Sister Eyring came to my spiritual rescue. I asked her to seek Heaven’s guidance in coming out of my spiritual and physiological funk. I expected that she would return with a new career plan for me. However, several days later she privately said, “I have received a clear answer. I was told, ‘Henry should keep a journal.’”
That, of course, wasn’t the message I’d hoped for. I wanted a solution to my professional and personal struggles. But I knew that Kelly was speaking for Heaven when she said, “Henry should keep a journal.”
So, I resigned myself to obey. Here are a few paragraphs of my revived journal, dated July 24, a Pioneer Day:
It has been more than 12 years since I made a journal entry. The last time I wrote was the night before my mission ended; a Friday late in March of 1984. I had made an independent record of every day of the mission.
Kelly is entirely responsible for my beginning again. Yesterday, after Henry Christian and I returned from a night at an aquatic scout camp at Bear Lake, she informed me that inspiration had come to her about my professional and spiritual struggles. The answer, she said almost sheepishly, was journal writing.
Two things made me believe her. One was her tearful look; the wonderful, remarkable one she gets when the Spirit has touched her. The other was the ridiculousness of the suggestion. In my current state of morose malaise, journal writing seems nothing short of repugnant: unpleasant for me to write, unpleasant for others to read.
As it turned out, over many years, journal-writing became my emotional and spiritual salvation. In the beginning, the writing was sporadic and mostly woeful. Yet, if only to avoid digging myself further into a dark emotional hole, I began to recognize signs of hope and even small miracles in my daily activities. Life still seemed to be serving up more challenges and disappointments than victories, but the win-lose ratio began to shift.
Slowly but surely, as I tried to focus on the good experiences rather than the disappointing ones, my perception and attitude improved. I still felt a sense of falling and failing spiritually. However, the rate of falling was slower.
How Calculus Can Help Us Change Our Spiritual Trajectory
Now, this is a point in our journey that requires imagination, optimism, and faith in our ability to reason. We’re going to explore one of the mathematical principles of calculus. But don’t worry. You needn’t be a math major, and you don’t have to solve any equations.
In fact, the principles of calculus can show even us non-math majors powerful ways of thinking about and managing the world we live in. Let’s start with a straight, sloping line. The steepness, or slope, of the line can be identified mathematically by finding its first derivative. You may have seen graphs such as this one, which portrays a straight, upward slope. You also might have heard of a line’s “rise over run.” That’s a simple way of describing a sloping straight line. It’s also a first derivative.
Knowing the first derivative, or slope of a line, can be very useful not only in solving math problems but also in practical challenges such as making two sides of a roof meet exactly in the middle, with the same height. Failure to calculate that slope, or the first derivative, could lead to a gap at the crown of the roof. The long-term consequence could be leaks and structural damage.
Another example of a first derivative is a ski slope. Let’s suppose that you and a friend are trying out a new resort, but you don’t pick up a trail map before choosing your runs. Without knowing the difference between a green trail and a double black diamond, you could find yourselves snowplowing—or sitting and sliding—to get down the mountain.
Now, here’s the trickier but potentially more valuable principle of calculus we can apply in our lives. It’s possible to take a second derivative of a line. The second derivative can tell us how a line may be bending; upward, downward, side-to-side, or some mix of those directions. For example, you’ve certainly seen and have likely created a parabola, which is a curving, symmetrical line. If you have tossed a water balloon or a horseshoe, or shot fireworks when the wind is blowing, you’ve made a parabola.
The bend of line is an important thing to know because the world we live in isn’t naturally one of straight lines. In fact, most lines bend at least a bit, even if that’s not obvious to our eyes.
For those of us rational and habit-driven people like me, that reality can be frustrating. As children we learn that the shortest and seemingly best distance between two points is a perfectly straight line. We want to prevail quickly over our mortal environment and our human frailties. But the reality is generally different. This is especially true when we are trying to overcome personal weaknesses and transgressions.
Apparent Exceptions to the Rule of Steady, Lifelong Effort
Now, we could cite apparent exceptions to the general rule of incremental and sometimes frustratingly slow self-improvement. For example, two scripture stories in particular tell of seemingly miraculous, relatively quick spiritual turnarounds. You likely remember the conversion stories of Alma the Younger and Paul, both of whom spent years wreaking havoc on the Church and its leaders. They were responsible for terrible persecution and, in Paul’s case, accessory to the murder of Stephen.
Somehow, both Alma and Paul were pardoned by the Savior in a relatively short time, along with the sons of Mosiah. But it’s important to note that their spiritual conversion and gospel training didn’t end there. Paul seems to have spent several years in what may have been a kind of personal MTC experience in a place referred to as Arabia. [ii]
Likewise, Alma and the sons of Mosiah invested much time and effort, over a lifetime, to cement their testimonies. Alma later declared:
Do ye not suppose that I know of these things myself? Behold, I testify unto you that I do know that these things whereof I have spoken are true. And how do ye suppose that I know of their surety?
Behold, I say unto you they are made known unto me by the Holy Spirit of God. Behold, I have fasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself. And now I do know of myself that they are true; for the Lord God hath made them manifest unto me by his Holy Spirit; and this is the spirit of revelation which is in me. [iii]
Listening and Responding to the Whisperings of the Spirit
Upon study and personal reflection, it becomes clear that gospel testimony is forged and preserved not so much through rare miracles as the hearing and heeding of the whisperings of the Spirit, over our lifetimes. President Gordon B. Hinckley, who presided over the Church for more than a dozen years, recalled being set apart as a stake president by Harold B. Lee, then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. President Hinckley recorded this statement regarding Elder Lee’s blessing:
I remember only one thing he said: “Listen for the whisperings of the Spirit in the middle of the night, and respond to those whisperings.” [iv]
This statement resonates with me. In my experience, personal improvement is an incremental and often slow process that is guided and aided by the Spirit, through whisperings which come to my mind and heart. I have learned from experience that it is hard to make big, permanent changes quickly. I also struggle to make more than one or two personal changes at a time. Becoming a new person rarely happens all at once, as it seems to have happened for Alma and Paul.
This general reality brings us back to the second derivative. For the sake of avoiding mathematical equations that I can no longer solve, let’s imagine that you and I are piloting an airplane through a storm. The turbulence is enough to be dangerous, even life-threatening. After brief consultation, we begin a steep descent to get below the storm.
But, as we finally emerge from the clouds and turbulent air, we see that we’re closer to the ground than expected. The natural inclination at that point is to pull back hard on the airplane’s yoke, or steering wheel, with the hope of climbing. However, that move could lift the nose of the plane and slow it to the point of causing a stall and possibly a crash. In other words, overreacting to a downward trajectory, particularly by pulling up, could be fatal. Pilots call this “getting behind the power curve.”
You may have done something similar in setting self-improvement goals. I certainly have. Particularly at the end of a lackluster year and the beginning of a new year, I’ve tended to make ambitious lists of tasks and performance targets.
For a time, I try to be Superman. But, almost inevitably, I fall behind in at least some of my goals. I also tend to fall prey to old, bad habits. Ironically, trying to change too much all at once can be counterproductive, as the gap between my lofty ambitions and my currently limited capabilities widens. An emotional “stall” is almost inevitable, resulting in further drops in confidence.
Changing Our Spiritual Direction
Here’s when the second derivative could guide and lift you and me. Let’s suppose that you and I have been at odds with a roommate. We don’t necessarily have to make a 180-degree turn, though that would be good. For a start, we can be civil, if not entirely friendly.
However, by further seeking forgiveness and showing kindness to this roommate, we could incrementally enhance our standing not only with our former rival, but also with Heaven. As that occurs, our downward sloping line of spirituality and happiness could tick upward a bit.
Our downward trend could be further turned into an upward one by identifying sins or other concerns, present and past, that could be addressed with the help of parents and authorized Church leaders. In a personal journal, we could also write about the sweet experience of receiving forgiveness. Those journal entries might also include plans for increasing our connection to the Holy Ghost. Study of the scriptures and the teachings of modern Church leaders, along with giving service to the downtrodden, could, in time, turn our former downward trend to an upward one.
We can see examples of this kind of slow-but-steady turnaround in the scriptures and Church history. The Book of Mormon prophet Enos had a pivotal spiritual experience while hunting and pondering the teachings of his father, Jacob. Those teachings weren’t new, having been bestowed over a lifetime. But they must have been percolating, effecting a slow but sure change of heart.
The same was true of the prodigal son, who, after exhausting his financial fortune, finally “came to himself” and returned home, where his return was celebrated. [v] Even faithful Peter, who led the Twelve and the Church after our Savior’s death, needed preparatory experiences. One of those was this conversation with the Savior, who said to Peter:
I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.
And [Peter] said unto him, Lord, I am ready to go with thee, both into prison, and to death.
And he said, I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that thou shalt thrice deny that thou knowest me. [vi]
The Prophet Joseph Smith seems to have had similar up-and-down spiritual experiences through much of his youth and even into adulthood. To his great credit, he was candid about them, writing the following about his teenage years, after his First Vision and visits from the Angel Moroni:
I was left to all kinds of temptations; and, mingling with all kinds of society, I frequently fell into many foolish errors and displayed the weakness of youth, and the foibles of human nature; which, I am sorry to say, led me into divers temptations, offensive in the sight of God. In making this confession, no one need suppose me guilty of any great or malignant sins. A disposition to commit such was never in my nature. But I was guilty of levity, and sometimes associated with jovial company, etc., not consistent with that character which ought to be maintained by one who was called of God as I had been. But this will not seem very strange to any one who recollects my youth, and is acquainted with my native cheery temperament. [vii]
I resonate with young Joseph Smith’s concerns about his foibles; I still resonate with such foibles, and I’m not young anymore. But I take some comfort in the experiences of a prophet as faithful and experienced as Moses, who reportedly lived to age 120. Notwithstanding his being identified as “very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth,” [viii] he was prevented from entering the promised land. Apparently, Moses had a final bit of spiritual polishing to endure before completing his life’s mission and returning to our heavenly home.
There may have been a related benefit to the children of Israel: with Moses prevented from leading them into the promised land, Joshua was given that honor, which bolstered him. In any case, there is no doubt that Moses received full honors and spiritual power, as testified by Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery, who wrote of a vision in the Kirtland Temple:
[T]he heavens were again opened unto us; and Moses appeared before us, and committed unto us the keys of the gathering of Israel from the four parts of the earth, and the leading of the ten tribes from the land of the north. [ix]
“Try, Try, Try”
I am grateful for the examples of people who have aspired to become better from day to day and year to year over a lifetime. One of them, Russian author Leo Tolstoy, became an ardent student and disciple of Christianity in his sixties. From that time until his death, at age 82, Tolstoy struggled mightily to change his baser habits and embrace righteousness. But it wasn’t easy, partly because of the very strict standards he set for himself.
Sadly, this excessive zeal became counterproductive. Lacking full appreciation of our Savior’s infinite Atonement, which makes repentance available to all who will confess and sincerely commit anew, Tolstoy’s rigid ideal of Christianity became a hard-to-bear burden. He might have been better served with a statement made by my Grandfather Henry Eyring, a scientist, in the final days before he died of cancer. In the hospital room, my father asked whether he had any final repenting to do. Grandpa smiled through the pain and said, “Oh no, Hal, I’ve been repenting as I went along.” [x]
Recently, I was blessed to enjoy private time with my mother, who is housebound and now speaks little. Our extended family members, many who visit often, are deeply grateful for nurses who lovingly attend her. I was surprised by Mother’s focus. She reached for my hand and grasped it with astounding power. That reminded me of the lifetime of tennis she played. She also riveted her gaze on me, as though I were a ball to be struck—powerfully, with precision.
I found myself singing Primary songs to Mother. The one that came to mind was “Jesus Once Was a Little Child.” You may remember the first verse:
Jesus once was a little child,
A little child like me;
And he was pure and meek and mild,
As a little child should be.
Mother’s intensity seemed even greater as I sang the chorus of this song, which was written more than a hundred years ago, plenty of time for her to sing it as a Primary child:
So, little children,
Let’s you and I
Try to be like him,
Try, try, try. [xi]
Finishing the Course
In this life, we are learning to try and ultimately fly, spiritually. That means experiencing ups and downs. With Heaven’s guidance and our best efforts, we can stay ahead of the spiritual “power curve,” rising above obstacles on the ground and sudden downdrafts. The key is to remember that that stormy spiritual weather is built into our mortal experience for our own good.
Flying sometimes means falling below our preferred altitude and trajectory. When that happens, we need to lower the nose of our spiritual airplane and add power, rather than pulling back and risking a stall. I’m convinced that Mother is doing that, staying airborne notwithstanding tremendous physiological drag and spiritual turbulence. It’s clear that she is being kept aloft by the Savior’s hands, having done all she could do.
Like wise pilots, we can benefit from keeping records of our experiences and lessons learned. For me, keeping a journal has been a great spiritual blessing. It provides me the chance to give thanks for blessings while creating the opportunity to learn from my mistakes and become a more competent spiritual “pilot.” It also allows me to reflect on past “flights” and prepare for more challenging ones in the future.
Let’s go forward with preparation and faith. Let’s watch our spiritual instruments, taking counsel with the Holy Ghost, our copilot. Let’s also maintain contact with our spiritual air traffic controllers, including parents and Church leaders on the ground.
When spiritual storms arise, we can pull up incrementally and add power. Here’s a simple formula that helps me:
Fewer Sins (or Drag) + More Service (or Thrust) = Greater Spiritual (or Aeronautical) Power
Applying this formula, we can stay ahead of the spiritual power curve, lift others as we go, and arrive safely at our spiritual destination in the celestial kingdom with our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ. There we will be able to say, as Paul did:
I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:
Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing. [xii]
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[i] Matthew 26:40–41.
[ii] See, “Paul,” Bible Dictionary.
[iii] Alma 5:45–46.
[iv] Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley (1997), 556.
[v] Luke 15:17–20.
[vi] Luke 22:32–34.
[vii] Joseph Smith—History 1:28.
[viii] Numbers 12:3.
[ix] Doctrine and Covenants 110:11.
[x] Henry B. Eyring, “Spirituals Preparedness: Start Early and Be Steady,” General Conference, October 2005.
[xi] “Jesus Once Was a Little Child,” Children’s Songbook, 55.
[xii] 2 Timothy 4:7–8.