On May 22, 2022, my husband, Roger, was in an accident on his way to church. He was riding his motorbike when a driver failed to see him. He was life-flighted to Oregon Health Sciences University where surgeons worked for 11 hours just to stabilize him. Amazingly, he survived. They added 71 pieces of metal to his body to reattach some of his 24 broken bones. His brain and vital organs were miraculously unharmed. We are very aware that others are not always as fortunate and feel grateful. It has been a long road of patience and learning with 11 surgeries slowly transitioning from the hospital to a care home, to home health, to outpatient visits; and from a bed to a wheelchair, to a walker, to a cane, to walking. He wanted to be here today, but he was able to return to work last week.
Our earth life is a unique learning environment. We have this experience of living by faith only once in all of eternity. Living by faith requires us to “stay in the boat,”[1] as Elder M. Russell Ballard taught, even when difficult things happen in our lives. How do we navigate these challenges successfully when they come? Why are these challenges a necessary part of this once in an eternity experience?
I loved what Sister Amy Hanks shared in devotional last week about God’s awareness of who we are and what experiences we may personally need. She shared:
Isn’t it amazing that Heavenly Father knows each of us individually. He knows our strengths, our weaknesses, our struggles, our triumphs. And He knows our full potential both spiritually as daughters and sons who can become queens and kings in His Kingdom and WHO we can become in this mortal life as we learn and grow and bless our families and other children of our Heavenly Father.Thankfully, my husband’s accident is not the first major trial in his life or mine. We had lots of experiences prior to that day. One of the more difficult trials I experienced went on for an extended period. I was told that the experience was to teach me to trust the Lord. During that trial, I gained a great appreciation for Mosiah 24:13-15. It reads:
And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.[2]In this earlier trial, I learned to trust that the Lord would heal things I could not and that He would strengthen my ability to carry burdens. Like the people of Alma, I too can now testify that the Lord visits His people in their afflictions because He visited, comforted, guided, healed, and strengthened me in that experience.
As I went through that trial, I was not particularly grateful it was happening, but in hindsight, I can see the growth that resulted from it. As I watched the helicopter lift off with my injured husband inside, I was very grateful for the lessons of that earlier trial. I was starting this trial already acquainted with a Savior who I knew would help and whom I could trust no matter the outcome.
This trust was key as the news came first that his leg might be amputated (it wasn’t), that his left arm might never work again (it didn’t for a month or so, but now it does), that he might never regain the use of his hands and leg well enough to return to work (and now he has done that too).
Another key to navigating this trial came from the blessings of family, friends, neighbors, and our ward family. Our eldest daughter, Lindsay, came home for two weeks to help and then, seeing that this was going to be a situation that was slow to find resolution, she dropped out of school for the term and came home to serve. She was a tremendous support that summer emotionally for our family and in watching our youngest son, Abraham, so I could visit Roger daily.
People contributed funds to help our family. They brought food. They did service around our home and provided enjoyable play dates for Abraham. They built a ramp to our front door so Roger would be able to get a wheelchair into our home. People of our faith and friends and neighbors of other faiths prayed for my husband. We were so blessed at the hands and hearts of many.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in his 2008 general conference talk about the ministry of angels said,
I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.[3]These people were our angels.
Once Roger was home and off many of the medications, the concerns of the situation came into better focus for him. He would struggle to sleep at night because of concerns about providing for our family and worries from the day. He initially handled this by listening to many conference talks. He thinks he listened to more talks in the past year and learned more from them than in the previous 60 years of his life. These spiritual beacons helped him find peace.
A good friend of mine recommended he begin journaling so he could let go of his concerns and sleep. This sounded like a great idea in principle, but with two broken hands, it wasn’t terribly practical. We decided instead that we would journal together each night. I acted as scribe and we would share the blessings of the day, the questions of the day, and our needs. This was a wonderful blessing for us. Some days the blessing list was long; some days we struggled to come up with blessings. But we’ve tried it and will likely continue to count blessings together and express our questions and needs to each other for the rest of our lives. It is a wonderful way to see the blessings and communicate with each other. It is also great preparation to know what we should include in our evening prayers.
I would challenge each of you to try journaling the same way each day. What blessings do you see? What concerns or questions do you have? What needs do you have that need addressing? Putting them on paper has led to a better understanding and to gratitude and resolution of many of the issues we’ve faced. It helped us think through issues even during great stress.
Taking care of my physical and spiritual health made a large difference during the past 10 months. There were days, especially at the beginning, where I had no appetite. We were so blessed by the women of our ward who brought meals, so my family ate and I was presented with an easy solution to ensure I ate. Sleep was also very important so I was rested enough to deal with the stresses of the week. Spiritually, I was blessed to have friends and family watch our son so I could go to the temple. I remember the first time I went after the accident. My husband was in the ICU and unconscious. Two people I knew were at the temple that day. They were just the right people. I have returned to the temple almost weekly throughout this trial. It is a place of strength and healing. Attending reminds me to pray for the strength to carry the burdens that I encounter throughout the week, and God listens and answers those prayers. It gives me a wonderfully peaceful place to plead for the needs of my husband in his recovery.
I enjoyed reading your insights this week on the devotional discussion board. There were so many wonderful responses. Brandon is an online student. He shared:
The commandments help me navigate trials. When the path is dark and I otherwise would not know what to do, the commandments are lights that never go out. Even if the path is so dark that I cannot see anything else, since my Savior taught us His commandments, I know what I must do and the lights that I must hold on to until the darkness goes (D&C 123:17). The trees that bear great fruit need both the rain and the sun to grow and produce that fruit. In those times of darkness, we have an opportunity to lean more heavily on the ample arm of our Redeemer and to get to know and appreciate Him more intimately.Jessica shared:
I have found that praying, talking to God, earnestly asking for His help has helped me. While reading talks has helped, I find it very comforting to be able to reach out to a sister who lovingly calls to check in on me, who shares relevant experiences, listens uninterrupted, and holds my hands or hugs me just to say this too will pass. I love the [unity] we create by being our brother’s keeper as we go through trials. We become a force to recon with, which is what God desires; we become one in heart.James expressed in the New Testament that we should “count it all joy”[4] when we have trials in our lives. Yet how often do we struggle to see what is joyful about the harder things when they happen? What is it about trials that make them not only necessary for our lives but actually beneficial to us?
Angela Duckworth is a researcher who was tasked with finding out why students that all look equally ambitious and promising on paper and are admitted to West Point seemed to somewhat randomly choose to stick out the rigorous program there or drop out and go home. In the Church, we would say that she was tasked with determining what makes people “endure to the end.” She studied this and was so fascinated by what she found that she went on to study people in many different occupations to see what made them have what she called “grit” that allowed them to succeed and thrive in their fields. She shares:
The scientific research is very clear that experiencing trauma without control can be debilitating. But I also worry about people who cruise through life, friction-free, for a long, long time before encountering their first real failure. They have so little practice falling and getting up again. They have so many reasons to stick with a fixed mindset. I see a lot of invisibly vulnerable high-achievers stumble in young adulthood and struggle to get up again. I call them the “fragile perfects.” Sometimes I meet fragile perfects in my office after a midterm or a final. Very quickly, it becomes clear that these bright and wonderful people know how to succeed but not how to fail.[5]She discovered that the difficulties of life help us develop this “grit,” which makes later success easier to reach because we are comfortable with struggling and occasionally failing, and that we can start anew the next day instead of giving up.
Christ promised His apostles:
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.[6]This is a wonderful promise, but it is not an absence of troubles because we know the twelve apostles had many difficulties in their lives.
President Howard W. Hunter talked about the contrast between these two types of peace. He taught:
The peace for which the world longs is a time of suspended hostilities; but men do not realize that peace is a state of existence that comes to man only upon the terms and conditions set by God, and in no other way.[7]In other words, through our trials, we can draw closer to God and find real peace. This peace comes from God and in His way. It does not come from an absence of difficulties. During a recent testimony meeting, we had a good friend share that she had always believed in God, but recently that relationship had changed, that when trials bring us to our breaking point where we need our relationship with Heavenly Father, it finally develops real depth.
A pioneer speaking of his experience in the Martin Handcart Company shared:
“We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? Not one of that company ever apostatized or left the Church, because everyone of us came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for we became acquainted with him in our extremities.”“I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, ‘I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it.’” He continues: “I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there.”“Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company.”[8]Our trials acquaint us with God. My husband was not afraid of death before this experience. But now, he claims that when the right time comes, he will welcome it. He felt the comfort of God and angels as he went through this experience, and it has made those things all the more real to him.
Brigham Young shared insight into how this relationship with God changes our perspective on life. He taught:
Thrust a man into prison and bind him with chains and then let him be filled with the comfort and with the glory of eternity, and that prison is a palace to him. Again, let a man be seated upon a throne with power and dominion in this world, ruling his millions and millions, and without that peace which flows from the Lord of Hosts, without that contentment and joy that comes from heaven, his palace is a prison, his life is a burden to him; he lives in fear, in dread, and in sorrow. But when a person is filled with the peace and power of God, all is right with him.[9]God—not a lack of difficulty—is really the key to peace. Trials can bring us into this relationship so we learn to access God’s love and to love God in return. This is the first great commandment.
These trials also give us much needed experience. Joseph Smith was told in Liberty Jail:
My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.[10]So, our experiences here are tailored to bring us not only closer to God but to start us on that road to understanding how to become like God. Fortunately, He is there to help us in that journey. President Dallin H. Oaks taught:
Our Savior has revealed that He “descended below all things” (D&C 88:6). As Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught, “Having ‘descended below all things,’ He comprehends, perfectly and personally, the full range of human suffering.” We might even say that having descended beneath it all, He is perfectly positioned to lift us and give us the strength we need to endure our afflictions. We have only to ask.[11]In preparation for this talk, I asked Roger how going through this experience has changed him. After pondering it for a day or two, he had a list of several ways it had changed him. On his list was that he has greater compassion and understanding for those with disabilities. His sister had a stroke several years ago. She is somewhat paralyzed on the right side of her body and uses a wheelchair. She is unable to work to support herself financially as she once did. My husband cared about her situation before his accident, but I have seen the level of his care and concern increase as he has experienced parts of what she has been experiencing these past few years.
In this life, we will not descend below all things like our Savior, but our personalized trials will allow us to descend below some things. These things allow us to see those situations more as the Savior sees them. When that happens, with the guidance of the Holy Ghost and blessings of our experiences, we are often placed in situations to succor those who are asked to endure similar trials. It stretches our hearts, skills, and understanding so we can increase in our capacity to love our neighbor with the charity that God has asked us to develop. This is the second great commandment.
After experiencing difficult trials, I have grown to love the seventh verse of “How Firm a Foundation.”
The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for reposeI will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,I’ll never, no never, I’ll never, no never,I’ll never, no never, no never forsake![12]This is the God we have. With Him, life is a joyful experience. He is the answer to all our trials, heartaches, questions, and joys. Coming to Him is worth any price we may be asked to pay. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] M. Russell Ballard, “Stay in the Boat and Hold On!” Ensign, Nov. 2014.
[2] Mosiah 24:13–15.
[3] Jeffrey R. Holland, “The Ministry of Angels,” Ensign, Nov. 2008.
[4] James 1:2.
[5] Angela Duckworth, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Scribner, May 3, 2016, https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/45670634-grit-passion-perseverance-and-the-science-of-success?page=2.
[6] John 14:27.
[7] Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Howard W. Hunter, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2015.
[8] Relief Society Magazine, Jan. 1948.
[9] Brigham Young, “Remarks,” Deseret News, Jul. 15, 1857.
[10] Doctrine and Covenants 121:7–8.
[11] Dallin H. Oaks, “Strengthened by the Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Ensign, Nov. 2015.
[12] “How Firm a Foundation,” Hymns, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.