In every relationship and every phase of life, brothers and sisters, we experience the heartache of failing to live up to the kind of person we have the potential to be. We are all children of perfect and loving Heavenly Parents, and we can become like them—but we are going to make mistakes and fail along the way.
What we often miss is that failure is not the end. Failure is critical to learning, growing, and becoming perfect, “even as [our] Father who is in heaven is perfect.” [1] The adversary seeks to distort failure into a permanent condition, whispering lies that our mistakes define us, that we are beyond redemption, or that our failures mean we have no worth. But the truth lies in the gospel of Jesus Christ, which teaches us the opposite. We shouldn’t live in constant disappointment and despair over our shortcomings. I am here today to talk about the joy that can be found in failing righteously. It is in our moments of failure that we can best understand the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Despite how it may feel at times, you are not alone in making mistakes. Throughout the scriptures, we read stories of our brothers and sisters who experienced failure we can learn from. Consider the prophet Jonah, who ran from the Lord’s call to serve a mission in a place that worried him, or Peter, who denied that he knew Christ during a crucial moment. Moses, Enos, Elijah, Joseph Smith, and other mighty prophets experienced moments of doubt and despair and failed to see the almighty hand upholding them. These examples remind us that failure is a common human experience—even among the Lord’s chosen servants.
Types of Failure
Until we become perfect, we will continue to experience failure. There are many different ways to fail and how we should respond to each of them is different, but the Atonement of Jesus Christ is at the heart of each appropriate response. Three types of failure that I would like to highlight today include (1) mistakes and errors, (2) sin and sabotage, and one particularly beneficial type that I like to call (3) righteous failures.
Mistakes and Errors
Mistakes happen when we don’t pay attention to something that is important, or we accidentally forget to apply knowledge that is already available to us. When I lived in Boston, my mom visited me at the end of fall. I still had my window air conditioning unit in. Feeling ambitious, my mom suggested we take this unit out for the winter. I agreed, and the two of us set about getting the window unit out. We were so focused on the weight of the unusually large window unit potentially crushing us, that neither of us thought about how the weight was distributed. We cracked open the window ready to catch the unit just in case it fell in towards us.
You don’t have to be an engineering student to see what we were doing wrong. The moment the window cracked open the unit fell from my fourth-story window, crashing into the space where my neighbor’s BMW had been parked for months. Mercifully, he had sold it the day before our little accident and the space was empty. The unit burst into pieces. We had made a mistake. If we had looked at the problem of getting the air conditioner in and used everything we remembered and knew, we would have been fine. We were very blessed that no one was hurt when we made this potentially fatal error in judgment. Sometimes the Lord provides tender mercies to make up for our mistakes. Either way, we can learn from them. I likely won’t forget the basics of Newton’s Laws of Motion in practice, and my mom and I have learned to caution each other “no air conditioners” before we take on a new project together.
The Lord has perspective that we do not yet have in this life. Brothers and sisters, it is essential to remember that everybody makes mistakes, especially with our limited mortal perspective. As a teacher, I have witnessed many students beating themselves up when they forget something they studied while taking an exam. I feel for their frustration and disappointment. But as an educator, I also experience the satisfaction that they will not forget that principle again anytime soon. Our Heavenly Father has a perspective that we sometimes fail to see when we have a problem. At times, all that we need to avoid a mistake is to pray to Him to find a solution. Other times, even when we pray, He may allow us to make a mistake to learn or relearn the principle we have been forgetting.
Sin and Sabotage
The next category of failures, sin and sabotage, stops us from moving forward and growing. When we intentionally act against the knowledge that we have already been given, we set ourselves up for a failure that does not help us progress forward. For example, you know you have a major paper due at the end of the semester, and you have already learned from experience that you should start your work on that paper weeks, if not months, in advance. Still, you wait until the day before and throw something together. Even if, and I emphasize if, you even manage to eke out a good grade, you have sabotaged your opportunity to write something better and learn and grow in the studying process.
Sabotage also happens when you look at a problem or situation and decide it is impossible to succeed before even trying. For example, you accept that you are going to do poorly on the paper anyway, so you don’t put your best effort into it.
Sin is a close relative of sabotage as it is also committed when we intentionally act against the knowledge that we have been given; however, sin has graver consequences. When we act contrary to the commandments we have been provided through the gospel of Jesus Christ, the light of inspiration from the Spirit dims, and we stall out on our journey to become like our Heavenly Father and Mother.
So why do we do it? Why do we sabotage our progress? Why do we sin against the Lord and fail to live up to our potential? Sabotage and sin can both happen in response to temptation and to fear. For example, the prophet Jonah tried to flee from the Lord rather than go tell the people of Ninevah that they were being wicked. If ever you find yourself wanting to hide yourself or your actions from the Lord, you have found a pretty good sign that you are giving in to fear over faith. Jonah’s consequences lay in the belly of the whale. However, just as the Lord provides us a way for us to repent and turn our lives back to the Savior, He did the same for Jonah.
Perhaps you are easily beset by temptations. Often it is small choices that sabotage your resistance. For example, if you know that you have a temptation to look at things that you shouldn’t, which overwhelms you when you are tired, awake late at night, and on your phone, then avoid putting yourself in that situation! If these actions trigger temptation, then staying up late when you are tired and getting on your phone late at night are sabotaging choices that set you up for the graver failure of sin. Do not let the failures of sin and sabotage drag you down, brothers and sisters. They only lead to misery.
Righteous Failure
Now let’s talk about righteous failure. Even when we use all the information we have and we attempt to do the right thing, we still fall into traps of failure. Why? Because we are not omnipotent. We are not yet perfected. We do not see everything there is to see and know everything that there is to know. We must rely on the Lord, and at times He allows us to fail in order to help us learn important lessons. Other times people’s agency interferes with important steps for success. When we act with the right intent, using all of the knowledge that we have been given, and we still fail, we are failing righteously, and righteous failure can teach us a lot. For example, Nephi and his brothers were told to go get the brass plates from Laban. They failed, not once but twice. They tried to do what the Lord asked them to, but it didn’t work out.
First, Laman tried simply to talk with Laban and asked him to give them the plates. How did Laban respond? “And behold, it came to pass that Laban was angry, and thrust him out from his presence; and he would not that he should have the records. Wherefore, he said unto him: Behold thou art a robber, and I will slay thee.” [2]
Okay. Yikes. They had made a difficult journey back to the home they had recently left and they had tried to reason with Laban. They could honestly say that they had made a real effort to get the plates as commanded. But when they failed, the brothers were all feeling “exceedingly sorrowful.” [3] They had failed. Plain and simple. The failure became a righteous one once Nephi inspired his brothers to come together and figure out plan B, taking into account what they had just learned—that Laban was upset that they wanted to take something of financial value from him. Remember, Laban said that Laman was trying to rob him when he asked for the plates.That failure became righteous when they decided to learn from it and try again. Laban’s concern about the material value of what they wanted was heard by the brothers and they gathered the gold, silver, and riches their family had left behind in Jerusalem and went to try to buy the brass plates from Laban. They made yet another righteous effort to do what the Lord asked them. And yet they failed again. This time, more than threats were made against their lives and they had to flee and hide. Once again, they had tried to act righteously, willingly sacrificing their wealth to obtain the plates of brass, and they failed again.
We do not know what was in the heart of Laban, but the Lord did. He likely knew what the outcome of these confrontations was going to be. So why didn’t He give Nephi and his brothers instructions on how to succeed the first time? Why were their righteous actions allowed to fail? First, the Lord has given us the gift of agency—something that He allowed Laban to exercise even when it became a stumbling block for the others to overcome. Secondly, the Lord allowed Nephi and his brothers to grow from their failures. The failure to obtain the plates in their first two efforts pushed them to trust in the Lord more than their own understanding. He would provide a way for His commandment to be achieved, even when it seemed impossible. Nephi would need that level of trust for that third and final attempt to be successful. Because they acted righteously, the Lord took their failures and turned them into learning lessons, and He still enabled them to succeed in the end, even if that success was not precisely how Nephi and his brothers imagined it would be.
So how do you embrace righteous failure? (1) You do the thing that you know you should do even though it scares you and (2) do it with the Savior by your side. Ask the person in your lab on a date, audition for the choir, and put effort into an assignment—even if a passing grade doesn’t seem within reach. The Savior will catch you. You will learn more and achieve more. “Success is not final. Failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” [4]
(3) You follow the commandments and guidance of the Lord as received by personal revelation and by the mouth of His messengers, even when it seems impossible. There will be times when the Lord does not allow us to fail when too much is at stake. My mind turns to Enoch, who felt inadequate to the task he was called to and cried, “Why is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and [I] am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?” [5] Enoch was blessed, and the Lord made the impossible possible for him.
(4) You shift your perspective. When you encounter a setback, reflect on what you can learn. Ask yourself: what is this experience teaching me?
(5) You share your experiences and seek support; open up to your friends, roommates, family, or ward members about your failures. Sharing struggles with each other can foster connection and encourage others to embrace their own challenges. Don’t hesitate to take your disappointments and discouragements to the Lord and to your community. Allow others to support, provide guidance, and offer encouragement when facing difficult times. Allow them also to cheer for your righteous failures! When I teach Acting I, when someone puts forth their best effort and it doesn’t work, the student is invited to triumphantly cry out, “I failed!” to which we as a whole class respond, “You failed!” with claps and cheers. Celebrating best efforts that fail helps to destigmatize failure.
(6) You cultivate a culture of growth around you. In your family, Relief Societies, priesthood quorums, apartments, and even in your university departments, let’s create an environment that values growth over perfection—we are an institution of learning after all. Celebrate your efforts, not just your results, and don’t be afraid of shifting courses or changing directions if that is what experience is teaching you. As a part of this step, forgive yourself and others for their failures and recognize the difference between sabotage and honest mistakes. Use the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to overcome them all. And work on replacing fear with faith. Elder Bruce C. Hafen once wrote, “One way to distinguish what matters a great deal from what does not matter so much is to ask whether the subject is within our control. If it is, then it probably matters enough to merit our attention. But if the subject of our fretting is inherently beyond our control, it is not likely that God will hold us responsible for our ultimate success or failure as to that concern.” [6]
We have a kind and loving brother in Jesus Christ who can make up the difference when we fail on the important things. President Russell M. Nelson has spoken frequently about the joy that comes from sincere repentance. He said, “When we choose to repent, we choose to change! We allow the Savior to transform us into the best version of ourselves. We choose to grow spiritually and receive joy.” [7] Repentance is a gift given to us through the Atonement, a process that helps us leave behind our sins and our mistakes and helps transform us into better versions of ourselves. It is a perfecting tool. Righteous failure and atonement can be just as much of a sanctifying tool if we allow it to be.
Do not let righteous failure or even mistakes drag you down. As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland stated, “Prepare. Plan. Work. Sacrifice. Rework. Spend cheerfully on matters of worth. Carry the calm, and wear the assurance of having done the best you could with what you had. If you work hard and prepare earnestly, it will be very difficult for you to give in or give up or wear down. If you labor with faith in God and in yourself and in your future, you will have built upon a rock. Then, when the winds blow and the rains come—as surely they will—you shall not fall.” [8]
We are all works in progress. Through His infinite Atonement, the Savior Himself provided a way for us to learn from our mistakes, repent, and move forward. The Lord has promised that His grace is sufficient for us. When we live righteously, our failures are covered by the Atonement. We draw nearer to the Savior when we turn to Him and ask Him to make up for our shortcomings. Christ has paid the price for our sins, mistakes, and failures. We often talk of repentance as a response to sin, but if we allow Christ to heal us when we fail righteously, we will draw nearer to Him and gain the confidence to try hard things. We are not finished. We are not perfect. The Lord is, and He and His sacrifice make all the difference.
At this time, I would like to repeat the invitation that I made earlier. Take the challenging class, ask the person you are interested in getting to know better on a date, audition for the choir or the play, make the art, and work on the unsolvable problem you are facing. Don’t be afraid of righteous failure. The Lord will magnify the efforts and will heal, through His Atonement, that which needs mending. You will never break beyond the Savior’s ability to repair you. Brothers and sisters, He loves you. He cares about you. So do your Heavenly Father and Mother. Cherish those relationships. As you do so, I testify that you will find courage and strength beyond what you think is possible. As Enoch, you will be able to rise above your challenges. [9] I testify of these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] 3 Nephi 12:48.
[2] 1 Nephi 3:13.
[3] 1 Nephi 3:14.
[4] Nur Ibrahim, “Did Churchill Say, ‘Success Is Not Final, Failure Is Not Fatal’?” Snopes, January 22, 2024, Did Churchill Say 'Success Is Not Final, Failure Is Not Fatal'?.
[5] Moses 6:31.
[6] Bruce C. Hafen, The Broken Heart: Applying the Atonement to Life’s Experiences (Deseret Book, 2008), 102.
[7] Russell M. Nelson, “We Can Do Better and Be Better,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 67.
[8] Jeffery R. Holland, “For Times of Trouble,” BYU Speeches, March 18, 1980, For Times of Trouble - Jeffrey R. Holland - BYU Speeches.
[9] See Moses 6.