Thank you for the privilege to speak at devotional. Many good and inspiring talks have been given from this pulpit, and I hope to add to, or at least not diminish, the light and truth that gets shared with us each week. I am thankful for the direction and guidance given to help me prepare for and deliver this address today, including many family and friends here today and offering support.
If you were to visit my office on campus, you would first notice my doormat. It has caused many people to consider if they are in the right place! Then you might see a sign behind my desk, and if you are a relative you come in anyhow, if you’re a friend you laugh and wonder how serious I am. These are intended as good fun, but they also outline a message about our individual agency to choose those we associate with, and how we can make the best choices that lead to eternal relationships.
Today, I would like to discuss with you the power of relationships. How they influence our lives, our decisions, and how they can help us learn to develop and exercise our agency.
We all have the agency to choose with whom we will associate and who or what will be influences in our lives. Have you set standards of who you want in your life? Today, as we discuss relationships, I invite you to think about who or what is in your life and if it is time to make some changes.
The scriptures provide a few examples we can learn from. Let’s start with Joshua when he said, “Choose you this day whom ye will serve … as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” [1] He is inviting us to consider, and choose an important relationship, this one specifically about choosing Christ and serving God.
Another example is from the Book of Mormon in Alma 47 when Amalickiah was to compel Lehonti and his men to take up arms to war against the Nephites. Lehonti fled to a mountain top and Amalickiah called for Lehonti three times to come down and talk with him about his master plan to become the second leader of the Lamanite armies. When asked to come down, Lehonti replied that he would not because he knew that Amalickiah would request of him something he did not want to do. Then on the fourth request to meet near the top of the hill with his guards, Lehonti agreed and began a relationship with Amalickiah that did not have pleasant outcomes.
Just like Joshua and Lehonti had to do, I invite you to consider today who or what is in your life that is good, and who or what you may want to separate from.
I have used the phrase “who or what is in your life” because relationships aren’t just with people. There are also the things and habits we choose to let influence us. In 2024, Elder David A. Bednar warned about counterfeit relationships that can take place when we let technology build relationships for us. He said, “Virtual companions specifically designed to appeal to and evolve with a person’s emotional needs may wreak havoc in previously safe relationships. Like carbon monoxide, such virtual relationships may become the “invisible killer” of real relationships.” [2]
In today’s world, with so much technology and things that we can get absorbed in, there is an increasing need to identify what is important in our lives and focus our time and efforts on protecting the things that matter most.
We could also remember in relationships that it’s important to blame the problem for the problem, don’t blame the person for the problem if it’s not the person. Here is an example: I am currently serving as Bishop in a married student ward, and when relationship conflicts come up, I try to help identify the root issue they are dealing with. I try to remind these young married couples that the problem is the problem; you don’t have to point blame at your spouse but work together to identify the problem and then work to fix the problem. Some silly examples I could share are that the dishes are not washing themselves, or the apartment did not come with self-cleaning carpets—don’t blame the person by saying they are not pulling their weight. Identify the problem, such as dishes or carpet, and solve the problem without blaming the person in the process.
I would invite you today to consider the things in your life that distract you from having better relationships. This could be time spent with AI relationships, video games, doom scrolling, constant need for air pods, notifications, or any other distraction that keeps you from prioritizing strong relationships.
Another good observation about relationships is that they can be very emotionally based! We can have the greatest joy when things go well and deep sadness and self-doubts when things are not good.
Because I also work in and love construction, let’s consider this humorous story about the way these tools feel when everyone gets together in the toolbox.
Some tools lived together in a carpenter’s shop. They were having some problems getting along, and some complained that others were not doing their share of work. They met to discuss their issues.
The Hammer spoke first, for he served as the chairman. “Brother Drill,” he began, “you and your family are so noisy. And you seem to spin in circles but go nowhere.”
The Drill quickly spoke up. “It’s true that I go around in circles, and my work makes noise. But at least I’m sharp. Pencil is small and often so dull that he makes a bad impression. He needs to be sharpened a bit if he expects to be of any use around here.”
Pencil felt defensive and spoke up. “Yes,” he began, “I’m a little blunt at times, but it’s because I work hard at my job. At least I’m not rough like Sandpaper here. It seems all he does is rub things the wrong way!”
That remark made Sandpaper really angry. “Hey, what about Ruler, here? He measures others by his standards, as though he is the only one right around here.”
Ruler surveyed the group and said, “I’ll go if I have to, but then so must the Screwdriver. He’s so annoying, always tightening here and loosening there.”
Screwdriver angrily spat out, “Fine with me! I’ll go, but Plane must go, too. His work is superficial; there’s no depth to it!” he said.
To this, Plane leveled his terse reply, “Saw’s cuts hurt, and divides instead of unifies.”
Saw rose up to answer these accusations when suddenly a noise at the door stopped all conversation.
The Carpenter walked in, ready to begin the day’s work. He put on his tool belt and stepped to the workbench. He picked up the pencil and ruler. Carefully he measured and marked the wood before him. He sawed along the marks and then planed the cut edges of the wood to smooth the rough edges. He hammered joints into place and drilled holes for screws to make the piece sturdy. Then he sandpapered the wood to a silky smoothness. All day long he worked, using first one tool, and then another.
At the end of the day, he gave a hearty blow and blew the dust from the finished product. And then he said, “Beautiful! I couldn’t have done it without my tools. Each one had an important role to play. No one tool could have done all the jobs. They’re all important.”
The problem each of these tools had was pointing blame to the others. They seemed to gain their individual value based on the fact that they were better than someone else. They forgot the rule to identify the problem, not just blame the other tools in the toolbox. It took the touch of the carpenter’s hand to use these tools for their intended purpose, to help each individual know what they were placed there to do. As we allow the Savior Jesus Christ into our lives, and build a relationship with Him, He will help us to see our relationships in a brighter light and we will begin to care for, minister to, and love all of God’s children in a more caring and compassionate way.
We can each take the Savior’s teachings as our guide to understand our individual worth and the value of others around us. Looking through the lens of Christ will help us to see the good in those around us. The spiritual gift of discernment can guide us to building those best relationships and know when to separate from those people and things that tear us down rather than build us up.
In chapter 3 of Preach My Gospel, we find this eternal truth taught by Elder M. Russell Ballard:
“There is one important identity we all share now and forever, one that we should never ever lose sight of, and one that we should be grateful for. That is that you are and have always been a son or daughter of God with spiritual roots in eternity.
“Understanding this truth—really understanding it and embracing it—is life changing. It gives you an extraordinary identity that no one can ever take away from you. But more than that, it should give you an enormous feeling of value and a sense of your infinite worth. Finally, it provides you a divine, noble, and worthy purpose in life.” [3]
Knowing that we are each sons and daughters of God has a huge impact on the relationships we allow into our lives, and the value that they are in our eternal journey. We have been sent here to develop these relationships.
In the Book of Mormon, many stories are shared that can teach us about relationships. The very first story we read is about Lehi’s family and some trials they faced, and also the times they worked together on a common goal. Their stories can provide examples of things we can do to build stronger relationships. As we know Laman and Lemuel threatened their brother Nephi several times. Outside of the walls of Jerusalem they beat him with a rod right before an angel appeared. While crossing the water they tied him to the ship. Not very kind brothers, yet Nephi seems to react with kindness in most situations.
Take, for example, 1 Nephi 1: 1.
It starts fine and well as Nephi records that he was born of goodly parents. I actually give Nephi credit here for not commenting about his brothers. He does include in verse 1 about “having seen many afflictions in the course of my days” but makes no mention of that affliction being inflicted by his bothers. Instead, he gives credit to God when he says “Nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days.”
We will learn as we study the book of 1 Nephi that though Lehi’s family prayed together, worked together, and had a fantastic journey and saw many miracles including the Liahona, angelic visitations, and a promised land for inheritance they also had trouble in their relationships. Doubt, mistrust, and contention crept in and tore their family into two great nations: One who followed Christ, and one who gave into temptation, bloodshed, greed, lust, and need for power.
In the beginning it was the little things that tore them apart, much like the tools in the toolbox they gave into things like murmuring and complaints, unwillingness to help, finger pointing, and other things that separate and diminish rather than build and strengthen. You can think of several examples of this, but I will share just one about the time when Nephi broke his bow.
“And it came to pass that as I, Nephi, went forth to slay food, behold, I did break my bow, which was made of fine steel; and after I did break my bow, behold, my brethren were angry with me because of the loss of my bow, for we did obtain no food.” [4]
“Now it came to pass that I, Nephi, having been afflicted with my brethren because of the loss of my bow, and their bows having lost their springs, it began to be exceedingly difficult, yea, insomuch that we could obtain no food.” [5]
Is there a story here about relationships? Yes. Nephi’s brothers had their own issues—their bows had “lost their springs.” Yet, instead of focusing on their own failure to prepare, or work together to fix things, their initial, immediate reaction was to blame Nephi. Their spiritual strength had already lost its “spring,” and they were more focused on the person to blame than the problem to solve.
I am continually inspired and taught by my wife. One of her strengths is sharing her testimony and the truth she teaches when she testifies of family bonds. Melodi might be heard to say something like, “I am grateful for the blessings of the temple where families are sealed for eternity, for in them we learn the greatest lessons of patience, sacrifice, pain, and sorrow. We also can find the greatest times of happiness, joy, peace, and love.” Her testimony of eternal families also points to the power of relationships and the lessons we can learn from those vital ties.
Melodi and I think we are pretty typical parents, we raised pretty typical kids. We continue to learn from our children and grandchildren vital lessons of love, agency, patience, and trust. When our boys were teenagers, they often pushed the boundaries just testing to know what they could do, and when they crossed the line. These years taught us the need for consistency and communication. When my daughters became teenagers they brought a trait I was not prepared for—being emotional! They taught me to listen, to be patient, that pink and purple are important colors, and to love their strengths and individual attributes. Our family had to work together to keep our relationship strong. As parents of adult children, we continue to learn from them.
During those years when our kids were younger, my wife would sometimes teach me with a question like this: “Are we working hard enough now, so they will love us later?”
As I look to the scriptures, I can think of two strong attributes that are taught and would help us build strong relationships.
The first example is from Moses 5. This is right after Adam and Eve were removed from the Garden of Eden and trying to build back their relationship with Heavenly Father. We will pick up their story in verses 5 and 6:
“And he gave unto them commandments, that they should worship the Lord their God, and should offer the firstlings of their flocks, for an offering unto the Lord. And Adam was obedient unto the commandments of the Lord. And after many days an angel of the Lord appeared unto Adam, saying: Why dost thou offer sacrifices unto the Lord? And Adam said unto him: I know not, save the Lord commanded me.” [6]
We could likely identify a few Christlike attributes to this scripture, but the one I choose to highlight is the attribute of trust. Adam did not know all the answers, but he knew that he could trust the source. As you think of your relationships, do the best ones include the element of trust? And do the more difficult relationships lack significant trust? We might consider our relationship to the Savior, do we trust Him, and do we act in a way that He can trust us?
The second Christlike attribute that builds strong relationships can be found in the New Testament. We learn in John 15: “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends.” [7]
The Christlike attribute is love. The example we have is a perfect love from Father to Son, and from Christ to each of us. Are you living your relationship with God in a way that you can feel His love for you? Are we doing our part to build the relationship with Him?
In the Gospel Topics, it states, “We manifest our love for Heavenly Father by keeping His commandments and serving His children. Our expressions of love for others may include being kind to them, listening to them, mourning with them, comforting them, serving them, praying for them, sharing the gospel with them, and being their friend. Our love for those around us increases when we remember that we are all children of God—that we are spirit brothers and sisters. The love that results from this realization has the power to transcend all boundaries of nation, creed, and color.” [8]
As I conclude, may I remind us of the invitation to evaluate our relationships. Let us work hard to be part of the relationships we love, have the courage to shed the relationships that are not improving our lives, and let us be diligent in building a relationship with God that will keep us on the path back home to Him.
I testify of His love for us, His trust in us, and that we have the ability to draw close to Him, and to draw upon Him when we need His support. He will always be there for us.
I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] Joshua 24:15.
[2] David A. Bednar, “Things as They Really Are 2.0,” Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults, November 3, 2024.
[3] Preach My Gospel [2019], 50.
[4] 1 Nephi 16:18.
[5] 1 Nephi 16:21.
[6] Moses 5:5-6.
[7] John 15:12-14.
[8] Gospel Topics, “Love,” Gospel Library.
About Andy Johnson
Andy Johnson was born and raised in Upstate New York. He came to Rexburg in 1987 to attend Ricks College. Andy later served a full-time mission in Tallahassee, Florida. After returning to Rexburg, he met his wife, Melodi, in a communications class held in the Spori building. They were married in 1991 following his graduation from Ricks College. They have four children and five grandchildren.
Andy has had a professional career in construction as a licensed HVAC contractor. His career placed him in the construction of several campus buildings. In 2008, he came to work for BYU-Idaho as a project coordinator for the BYU-Idaho Center. He graduated from BYU-Idaho in 2016 with a bachelor’s degree in construction management. Andy loves watching college football, providing for his family, spending time with his grandchildren, and serving in the Church. He has held numerous callings focused on youth and young adults, including Young Men advisor, Scoutmaster, counselor to three bishops, member of the YSA high council, and YSA bishop. He currently serves as bishop in a married student ward.