Earlier this year, a friend of mine developed a condition that required surgery on his vocal cords. This friend had been a proficient singer for many years. Because of the location of the surgery, there was concern that his singing voice would be significantly altered. As the day of the surgery drew near, he asked if I would assist in giving him a blessing of healing, protection, and comfort. I was humbled when he asked me to act as the voice. I silently prayed that the grace of the Lord would allow me to be in tune with His will and convey His blessing for this good man during such a challenging time. As is so often the case, I do not remember word-for-word the details of the blessing, but I do remember the distinct impression to state: "Regardless of the outcome, you will still have a voice."
"You will still have a voice." Since that blessing, I've continued to ruminate on these words. I knew then and I know now that this phrase referred to more than just my friend's singing voice. It is not for me to say or even assume what the words specifically meant for him, but I have since pondered what they might mean for me, and what they might mean for others.
The challenging paths of life have brought seasons where I have felt insignificant and have often wrestled with the question of whether or not my best efforts are a worthy enough offering to the Savior. We live in a world that flaunts numerous distractions and promises of manufactured and misguided self-value. These distractions can often confuse our minds and bend our focus to things that will never give us any lasting comfort or confidence. As if the dissidence wrought by an ever-present and tenacious adversary hasn't at times felt challenging enough, physical, mental, emotional, and social issues affect how we perceive ourselves and consequently what we might have to offer to others and to the Lord. For some of us, the thought that we have a voice that might add any significance to the kingdom has been—and even still may be—difficult to reconcile.
The prophet Enoch keenly felt this type of inadequacy and initially rebutted the Lord’s call to discipleship in stating, “Why is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?”[1] Moses resisted his call to serve God with a similar sentiment: “O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since Thou hast spoken unto Thy servant; but I am slow of speech and of a slow tongue.”[2] Even the prophet Nephi, as committed a disciple as one could hope for in this fallen world, felt inadequate due to his own limitations:
Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard. Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins;[3]
This declaration of Nephi, as well as the insecurities of Enoch and Moses, gives a glimpse into the mind and heart of someone that is not too dissimilar from you and me. Yes, Nephi was a prophet, a profound thinker and writer, one blessed to see in vision much of the beginning and the end of all things. But he was still just a man with frailties and imperfections no different from any of us. Yet Nephi seemed to understand the nature of his weakness—difficult as it was for him to experience—in a way that we so often miss. Nephi did not end his lament with a final verse of sorrow, but immediately shifted his thoughts, hopes, and dreams to the core of his true value in stating “nevertheless." “Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.”[4] I’d like you to ponder that for just a moment. What does “knowing in whom I have trusted” in such moments mean for each one of us?
Enoch and Moses displayed fear and resistance before they answered the call to accept the commission to preach and gather in the name of God. What was the Lord’s response to them? Was it, “You’re right, I hadn’t thought of that. You are slow of speech,” or, “You’ve made some poor decisions,” or, “Yes, you probably have too much anxiety,” or, “Hmm. . . not enough experience leading hundreds of thousands of souls out of Egypt.” No, that is not what the Lord said. Often, we think that this must be of the type the Lord would say unto us. This kind of negative and fault-finding voice is not His. It is that of the adversary. So, what was the Lord’s actual response? To Enoch:
Go forth and do as I have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee. Open thy mouth, and it shall be filled, and I will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my hands, and I will do as seemeth me good.[5]
And to Moses:
And the Lord said unto him, Who hath made man’s mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.[6]
It is clear to me that the insecurities of both Enoch and Moses were based on the inability to see their true self-identity and potential. The Lord could see a future in both Enoch and Moses that they, at the time, could not begin to imagine for themselves. He sees the same in all of us.
From an early age, Helen Keller had no real concept of voice or even language due to an illness that left her without the ability to see or hear. With a strong will and the devoted service of others, she was able to grasp the idea that written and spoken language did exist and that she herself did have a voice, but not just a voice that could make sounds and form words. She connected herself to eternal truths as best she could with the light and knowledge the Lord had given her and went on to have an immeasurable influence on others. Here are a few thoughts that a deaf and blind Helen Keller gave to the world using her unique voice:
Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost.
Another:
Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see.
And lastly:
When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.[7]
Helen Keller was a beautiful example of faith and using her voice to bring light into the world. But such truths do not come from only those of noted prominence, as inspired wisdom and guidance will most often come from those who walk humbly among us. Mitch Nelson reminds us in this week’s devotional discussion board, “If we remember to be the best we know how to be in our circumstances, remember that it is about people and not work, and see every opportunity as a chance to grow and serve, then we will always have something meaningful and valuable to add.”
Many of us can relate to feelings of inadequacy, or that we of ourselves do not have a meaningful voice due to the consequences of personal choices that have not been in line with the commandments of the Lord. In my teens and early 20’s I found myself lost, inactive in the church, and putting my attention to things of the world that had little to no redeeming value. When I decided to return to full church activity in my late 20’s, I felt that I had strayed so far and lost so much that my offering did not have anything that could make any positive impact on anyone. I knew the Lord loved me, but I fashioned in my mind a love more of pity for a soul who would always be too broken to be of much value, one that needed to simply remain quiet, listen, and obey. But as Brother Brian Schow reminded us in his devotional address last week: “. . . the Savior has an expectation that we will use the gift of the Holy Ghost to do something.” In that season of change, I knew that I wanted to become a better man, and the Spirit whispered to me that if I were to do so, I would not be able to do so quietly.
Because of the struggles in my youth, the story of Alma the Younger has always had a tender place in my heart. Alma, with the sons of Mosiah, sought to lead astray any that would listen to their misguided attempts to destroy the Church. Despite the seriousness of their transgressions, the Lord saw fit to allow these men to see their truly fallen state and imminent demise if they continued upon their current path. Perhaps we can relate to their reduced self-perception as the impact of their iniquities became clear to their newly sobering minds—how that must have made them feel about their own personal value. Said Alma:
But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins. Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell; yea, I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and that I had not kept his holy commandments.[8]
Just moments before, Alma had walked the paths of Zarahemla, building up the vain imaginations of his worldly value while attempting to tear down that of the Lord’s disciples and the Church of God. Yet in an instant, he found himself facing a sharply diminished self-worth, so much so that he wished that he “could be banished and become extinct both soul and body.”[9] Yet in his darkest hour, Alma added his own verse to the psalm of Nephi’s words, “Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.” Alma cried:
And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world. Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death. And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.[10]
In that darkest hour, Alma did not let the voice of doubt and despair define him. Instead, he directed the first utterance of what I view as his “new voice” to the Savior Jesus Christ, supplicating Him for mercy and guidance. In so doing, the false voice of the adversary was overcome and Alma, “. . . was harrowed up by the memory of his sins no more.”[11] When Nephi lamented his many shortcomings, he didn’t stop there and hold on to them like a disabling anchor that, honestly, some of us might tend to do. He qualified his grief by turning directly to the Lord in godly sorrow. So too must we in seasons such as these. If you feel lost, unworthy, incapable, or deficient in any way, turn the voice of your heart, mind, and mouth to the Lord, and plead with humble faith for mercy and guidance. I promise He will answer in His own time and in His own way. . . He will answer.
Over time, I have learned through personal revelation, from charitable and inspired mentorship, and my own life experience that regardless of how often we as imperfect beings fall short of that perfection we so earnestly seek, we can bring our own self-worth in line with that same value the Lord sees in us. The shortcomings that you struggle with today, or this month, or this year, or this lifetime—regardless of how small or how egregious—do not define you. Your desire and effort to fight against and overcome these difficult challenges—that, in part, is what defines you.
What others think of you, whether based on love, concern, praise, or derision does not define you. Even what you think of yourself—and I want to reiterate this—even what you think of yourself does not define you. And why is that? It is because not you, nor I, nor anyone else that has walked this earth—save the Savior Himself—has the full, beautiful, transcendent picture of who you really are and the immense potential that surely awaits. What your Savior thinks of you because of what He knows of you—that is what defines you. And I promise with every measure of energy that I have, that the Lord thinks well of you. Yes, you. And you. And you. And you. He knows that as you turn to bended knee, and read His words, and listen to His teachings through the Holy Spirit, and serve His children, that you are doing the best you can, even though you continually fall short of what you imagine in your mind as the way you ought to be.
Seek to know the individual and personal thoughts and desires the Savior has for you, and you will build a stronger understanding of who you truly are and why you face the struggles that you do. Then, trust that the Lord can heal you and needs your unique voice—not in spite of, but because of the personal struggles that you endure—to help lift others with their own difficulties, internal conflicts, and self-misperceptions. Please know that regardless of where you are at in life, no matter what physical, emotional, or mental challenges you face, no matter how you feel about yourself, no matter what you have done, you, too, have a voice right now, and our beloved Savior needs you to share it in whatever way that you are able.
As I conclude my remarks, I would like to share the closing section of a general conference address given on April 6, 1985. Thirteen days before he died, Elder Bruce R. McConkie of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles stood for what would be his last public address in mortality. Having been sick with cancer for some 16 months, he knew the end was at hand. He had recently been told by his doctors that he would likely be in danger of passing out on national television if he tried to speak at this conference. His wife told his son that though he could not even finish reading it for her while sitting at their kitchen table, he was determined to take this last stand in bearing his personal testimony of the Savior, as he felt that giving this talk meant more to him than anything he had ever done in his life.[12] So, riddled with cancer, unable to eat of any real substance, unable to previously stand but for a few moments, he somehow anchored himself to the podium for what must have been an agonizing fifteen minutes and forty-nine seconds to use his voice to give his final testimony of the purifying power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
". . . and as pertaining to Jesus Christ, I testify that He is the Son of the Living God and was crucified for the sins of the world. He is our Lord, our God, and our King. This I know of myself independent of any other person. I am one of His witnesses, and in a coming day I shall feel the nail marks in His hands and in His feet and shall wet His feet with my tears. But I shall not know any better then than I know now that He is God’s Almighty Son, that He is our Savior and Redeemer, and that salvation comes in and through His atoning blood and in no other way. God grant that all of us may walk in the light as God our Father is in the light so that, according to the promises, the blood of Jesus Christ His Son will cleanse us from all sin. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen."[13]
May we with all of our inadequacies strive alongside Elder McConkie, Alma, and so many others of prominent or modest renown, to wear ourselves out in the service of the Lord. Let us within our own hearts and within our own spheres of influence do all we can to lend our voice—whether in word, action, or spirit—to the chorus of those seeking to proclaim that we were once lost but are now found and can and will be saved only through our Savior’s matchless grace. Through Christ, you too have a voice and it is beautiful. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] Moses 6:31.
[2] Exodus 4:10.
[3] 2 Nephi 4:16–19.
[4] 2 Nephi 4:19.
[5] Moses 6:32.
[6] Exodus 4:11–12.
[7] Hellen Keller, Good Reads.com Quotes, https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/7275.Helen_Keller.
[8] Alma 36:12–13.
[9] Alma 36:15.
[10] Alma 36:17–19.
[11] Alma 36:19.
[12] See Joseph Fielding McConkie, “Bruce R. McConkie’s Final Testimony,” BYU Easter Conference, 2006, https://rsc.byu.edu/vol-8-no-2-2007/bruce-r-mcconkies-final-testimony.
[13] Bruce R. McConkie, “The Purifying Power of Gethsemane,” Ensign, May 1985.