Skip to main content

Finding Joy in Hardship

Audio: Finding Joy in Hardship
0:00 / 0:00

As a Ricks College student, I sat every Tuesday in the Hart Auditorium to listen to devotional. Most likely I was there because my friends were there, and that's what we did on Tuesday afternoons. Regardless of why I came, each Tuesday I spent that hour listening to doctrine, testimony, and music. I can't remember every speaker or every musical number, but I do remember feeling the Holy Spirit, which bore witness to me of Christ's divinity and my Heavenly Father's love. I pray that same Spirit will be here with us today.

Society considers easy one of the essential characteristics of life. In its commercials, one company claims shopping with them is like having an "easy" button. In fact, you can actually purchase an "easy" button that is linked to their website. Just push the button and order whatever you need when you need it.

But in our desire to find the easy way, do we sometimes make things harder than they need to be?

To illustrate, I'd like to share an experience I had with a Foundations English 101 class and their research paper. Because we were working on a long assignment, I'd broken the essay into several smaller (and hopefully easier) sections. The introduction was no problem for the students, and they felt comfortable with the summary that followed. But then we got to the hard part: the synthesis section. This wasn't something they had done before, and I knew that many students would struggle with this part of the assignment. But I wasn't too worried, because I had planned for this. First, we studied the concepts of synthesis. Then we looked at and analyzed writing samples, studying how others had completed this assignment. But eventually it was time for the students to try it themselves.

That day's homework was to come to class with a draft of the synthesis section so we could workshop their essays and identify where they were still struggling. However, the morning this draft was due, a massive outbreak struck campus. At least, that was my thought as I walked into a room with about half of my students missing. It wasn't a flu epidemic that had kept students out of class that day, but an epidemic of a different type. Throughout the day I received emails from absent students who explained that they'd tried to write this section, couldn't figure it out, quit trying, and, because their homework wasn't done, decided to skip class.

Now, the students who did come to class hadn't completed the assignment perfectly, but they came, having done what they could on their own. And because they did, they had a foundation to work from as we looked at their questions and addressed their confusion. As they walked out of class, these students were laughing and joking with each other, very different emotions from the frustration they'd expressed at the beginning of class. Many sighed with relief and expressed appreciation: "Thanks. Today's class answered so many of my questions." 

The students who skipped class that day because "the assignment was just so hard" were now even more behind. They still didn't have a draft, and now they didn't have the additional information and feedback to help them work through this difficult section.

This experience reminds me of the parable of the ten virgins. As a child, I struggled with this story. I'd been to Primary. I'd attended elementary school. My parents raised me right. I knew that you were supposed to share with others. So why couldn't the five wise women simply share their oil with the five foolish women?

As I grew older, attended seminary, and learned more about this parable, I came to understand why sharing wasn't an option. Elder Marvin J. Ashton taught, "The wise virgins could not share their oil with the foolish virgins because 'the oil of spiritual preparedness cannot be shared.'"[1]

We cannot share our oil because of how we fill our lamps. President Spencer W. Kimball explains, "Attendance at sacrament meetings adds oil to our lamps, drop by drop over the years. Fasting, family prayer, home teaching, control of bodily appetites, preaching the gospel, studying the scriptures--each act of dedication and obedience is a drop added to our store. Deeds of kindness, payment of offerings and tithes, chaste thoughts and actions, marriage in the covenant for eternity--these, too, contribute importantly to the oil with which we can, at midnight, refuel our exhausted lamps."[2] I can't help but think this principle applies to education as well. We are better off filling the lamps of our learning drop by drop--one chapter or lesson at a time--rather than trying to read an entire book or write an entire term paper overnight. It reminds me of the joke when a student comes to the teacher and says, "Uh, I know I haven't done anything all semester, but what can I do in the next five minutes to bring my grade up?"

Like the student in this joke, even though it wasn't possible, the foolish virgins who didn't bring extra oil scrambled to find some at the last minute. Similarly, my students who skipped class that day tried to fill their lamps as best they could. In their emails to me, they asked every instructor's favorite questions: "Did I miss anything important?" and "Can you tell me what I missed?" But just as the foolish virgins couldn't fill their lamps last minute, it was impossible for these students to make up 90 minutes of discussion and learning in an email.

This example with my class also illustrates a fairly understandable response to "hard." Some students felt the assignment was too hard and quit. I also struggle against the impulse to quit, trying to avoid difficulties when they occur.

But I need to learn how to face difficulties, because hardship is part of life. Have you ever heard the phrase "I can do hard things"? My son Tavenor repeatedly heard this motto in his first swimming class, as he struggled with rainbow arms and ice-cream-scoop hands and when he worried about putting his face in the water. We hear this statement from the time we are small because parents, coaches, and teachers know we will be asked to do hard things throughout our lives.

And doing hard things is ... well, hard. And it can be painful. To quote the Dread Pirate Roberts from The Princess Bride, "Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something."[3]

Leaving behind motivational clichés and humorous movie quotes, the scriptures teach us why there is hardship and pain in this world. In the Book of Mormon, Lehi teaches Jacob, "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things."[4]

I love that Lehi offers this counsel to Jacob, of all his children. Second Nephi, chapter two, verse two, explains why Jacob might have needed this reminder that opposition is a natural consequence of the world: "Jacob, my firstborn in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain."

Jacob, firstborn in the wilderness, had a life of afflictions. He never knew the ease of city life, where you could run to the store for groceries rather than hunting for your food. He never knew what it was like to live in a house with walls and a roof. Instead, Jacob "dwelt in a tent."[5] The scriptures say he even suffered because some of his family members had lost their faith. Despite these hardships, Jacob is reminded, "Thou knowest the greatness of God." Jacob's challenges and hardships in the wilderness did not mean God had abandoned him.

It makes sense that Lehi would speak to his children about the value of doing hard things. They were asked to do unimaginable things. Some of his children accepted these hard tasks with determination. Nephi's response is legendary: "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded."[6] Sam, Jacob, and Joseph responded likewise. But Laman and Lemuel wanted the "easy button." They didn't want hard: "They did murmur in many things against their father, because he was a visionary man, and had led them out of the land of Jerusalem, to leave the land of their inheritance, and their gold, and their silver, and their precious things, to perish in the wilderness."[7] Laman and Lemuel did not understand why they were doing these hard things. Because God had asked it of them. They thought their visionary father was just making their lives difficult "because of the foolish imaginations of his heart."[8]

Yet the Lord has repeatedly taught us why we must do hard things. His Apostle Elder Dallin H. Oaks reminds us that "the purpose of mortal life ... is to provide the experiences needed 'to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize [our] divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.'"[9]

So how do we progress? How do we fulfill our divine destiny? Elder Oaks answers these questions as he reminds us, "We progress by making choices, by which we are tested to show that we will keep God's commandments. To be tested, we must have the agency to choose between alternatives. To provide alternatives on which to exercise our agency, we must have opposition."[10] Let me repeat that. To progress, we must have opposition. Therefore, we will face difficulties and hardships.

Although we need to recognize that hardship is part of life, we must also remember it is not the Lord's goal for our lives. Again, Lehi explains this distinction. Consider 2 Nephi, chapter two, which lists some of the sorrows we might face in life: opposition, challenges to our agency, captivity of the spirit through sin, and the power of the devil tempting us. But in the midst of all this chapter's list of hardships, Lehi reminds Jacob and us, "Men are, that they might have joy."[11]

Speaking of this principle, Elder Richard G. Scott teaches, "Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenge are events in life, not life itself. I do not minimize how hard some of these events are. They can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining center of everything you do. The Lord inspired Lehi to declare the fundamental truth, 'Men are, that they might have joy.'"[12] Elder Scott then cautions us that, although the Lord intends for us to have joy, our joy is conditional upon ourselves.[13] It depends on whether we seek the easy way through life--what we might call the Laman-and-Lemuel approach to life--or if we face opposition the way the Lord asks us to, with faith and determination, as Nephi and Jacob did. Fortunately, as we face opposition the Lord's way, we will not be facing it alone. Our loving Heavenly Father has given us tools to face opposition and to find joy.

One of the primary tools Heavenly Father has given us is faith. Elder Scott proclaims that "your joy in life depends upon your trust in Heavenly Father and His holy Son, your conviction that their plan of happiness truly can bring you joy."[14]

How can faith in Heavenly Father and His holy Son help us overcome hard things and find joy? First, it is faith that encourages us just to try hard things. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf explains, "Faith is a strong conviction about something we believe--a conviction so strong that it moves us to do things that we otherwise might not do."[15]

As a young girl, I was horribly shy. For example, when I was 11 years old, my ward's Relief Society held a fashion show to spotlight the clothes made by the many talented women in our ward. Because my talented mother had made me a beautiful Sunday dress, she thought it might be fun for me to participate. At least, that's how she sold the idea to me. I'm sure she was just trying to get me to be brave and break free from my shyness. At first, it sounded OK, particularly when, to sweeten the deal, Mom offered to buy me my very first pair of nylons to wear with my dress. But that night, while all the other models lined up to walk the runway, I hid in the bathroom. And I hid there all evening. I just couldn't bring myself to walk out on that stage, even in front of neighbors and friends.

How did I get from a "hide in the bathroom" girl to a missionary who made it a goal to speak to every person she could? It was faith; because as President Uchtdorf said, faith is "so strong that it moves us to do things that we otherwise might not do."[16]

A few years after this failed fashion show, I received my patriarchal blessing, which stated, "You will have the opportunity to serve a proselyting mission." Although this scared me, I had faith that my patriarchal blessing came from Heavenly Father, who loved me and wanted the best for me. So I had faith that I would be ready when the time came to serve that mission.

Obviously, I had to do my part. I couldn't hide out in bathrooms for six years and then magically be able to speak to everyone when I was a missionary. Drop by drop, I had to fill my lamp of preparedness. I had to take advantage of the opportunities my parents helped me find, and I had to look for my own opportunities to speak out. I had to say yes when I had the chance to spend my junior year in Washington, DC. I had to say yes that same year, when my history teacher asked me, the only Mormon in my class, to do a presentation on Mormon pioneers and their westward trek. I had to say yes when I was called to be Gospel Doctrine teacher my first semester at Ricks College, teaching the Doctrine and Covenants to what seemed like a room full of know-it-all returned missionaries.

At the time, these opportunities didn't seem like opportunities. They felt like hardships. But I had faith that these opportunities were from the Lord, and I had faith that He would help me.

As we have faith in our Father in Heaven, we can have faith in ourselves. We are His children, and He will guide us through difficulties. President Uchtdorf explains, "The purpose of faith is not to change God's will but to empower us to act on God's will. Faith is trust--trust that God sees what we cannot and that He knows what we do not."[17]

For some of you here today, completing the semester's coursework might seem impossible, or at least incredibly hard. But you are here at BYU-Idaho because you have faith that you can and will learn. You have faith that you will master the concepts you seek to master. Remember that faith when you are tempted to skip class or to skip homework. Don't forget that faith as the semester progresses and tests and concepts get harder.

Remember that your Heavenly Father knows what you do not. This doesn't mean that He'll give you the answers during an exam. You have to do your part. But He knows what you are capable of learning. Ask Him for guidance as you study. Ask Him for patience and long-suffering as you study, particularly when you have a lot of homework and you'd rather be hanging out with your friends. The Doctrine and Covenants, section 88, verse 118, makes this connection between learning and faith: "Seek learning, even by study and also by faith."

Faith is a tool to help us through our hardships, but in times of difficulty our faith can weaken. Some may even begin to doubt Heavenly Father's love, asking, "How can a loving Father in Heaven allow this suffering?"

If this happens, remember that Satan uses doubt and anger to counteract the power of faith. Nephi warned that Satan will "rage in the hearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good."[18] If we question Heavenly Father in anger, we limit our access to the Holy Ghost, and we weaken our faith.

At a time when I was in the middle of a great trial, my mother tried to comfort me with the statement "at least you know that you are a child of God." She was trying to remind me that, as a child of God, I should have faith in His plans for me and faith that I could get through this difficulty. My response, "Well, how does that help me right now?" was a response that stemmed from anger and bitterness, not faith. I felt that if I were a child of God, then He should take this adversity from me. And I was angry because He hadn't made the trial go away. So, at this point in my struggles, I felt that knowing I was a child of God wasn't much help.

Although we should resist anger, having faith doesn't mean that we have to be at perfect peace in our trials. Even though we feel pain, we can use our faith in Heavenly Father to cope with that pain and to endure it. As I let go of my anger and leaned on my faith, I then changed my angry question to a faith-based question. No longer did I wonder, "How does knowing I'm a child of God prevent me from having pain?" but instead I learned to ask, "How does knowing that I'm a child of God help me heal from this pain?" This question directed me to the tools Heavenly Father had prepared for me: prayer, scripture study, temple attendance, a loving family, and many others who blessed my life at this time.

If we face trials with faith, we are better able to see the blessings the Lord provides us to succeed in these hardships. It might be tempting to think that the times we are blessed are the easy times when we have little adversity. Instead, we need to recognize that true blessings come at the time of hardship, at the time we need the Lord's help. For example, a few years ago, my husband and I, along with two of our sons and two of their friends, were driving home from Island Park, where we'd had a fun weekend camping. On the way home, a driver coming the opposite direction drifted across the highway and hit us. While we were not injured, our truck was damaged, and the trailer we were pulling was obliterated. The young man in the other car nearly lost his leg, requiring many surgeries and months of rehab.

It might be difficult to see the blessings in this hardship, but there were many. First, before the accident, we weren't entirely focused on the highway. Four loud and enthusiastic boys in the backseat can be a bit distracting. But in the seconds before that car drifted towards us, the truck became calm. For no apparent reason, we all stopped talking and focused on the road ahead. This quiet allowed my husband, Jim, to react quickly and swerve to avoid a head-on collision, which would have led to even greater injury and possibly death.

Additionally, this accident occurred at one of the few turnouts on this highway. We had plenty of room to swerve without worrying about sliding off the road. This pull out also provided room for Jim and another driver, who'd stopped to help, to assist the young man in the other car. They were able to apply a tourniquet that reduced the bleeding and saved his life. It also provided room for the ambulance, police officers, and many others to work, as they used the Jaws of Life to remove the young man from the car. Finally, this man's severe injuries came from the impact of hitting our trailer, but, miraculously, the trailer was empty. Just minutes before we left the campsite, we decided not to haul home our four-wheelers, leaving them for the others who were staying behind. Had his car hit a loaded trailer, this young man would have died instantly.

Yes, this young man had great difficulty ahead of him. But the very details of this accident reflected the blessings that we all received that night.

Faith and suffering can and do co-exist. Joseph Smith's pleas in Liberty Jail show this. He agonized, "O God, where art thou?"[19] Yet his question was not one of doubt. It was a plea for comfort. His faith was strong even though he suffered, and he soon gained the comfort that he sought: "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment."[20]

Through faith, we can trust the promise of the psalm: "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."[21]

While faith in a general sense will help us endure trials, faith in Jesus Christ will be our greatest tool in facing adversity and finding joy. Let me return to my original premise: despite the trials we face, we are that we might have joy. The Savior's mission on earth is essential to this joy. In fact, when the angel announced the Savior's birth, he proclaimed, "Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy."[22]

As we consider how faith in Jesus Christ helps us through trials, we might first think of repentance. Sometimes we create our own trials: we make poor choices; we fail to keep commandments; we mess up because we aren't perfect. And we're not expected to be perfect. But when we sin, this sin causes us pain.

Alma describes the intense pain he felt as he came to recognize his sins, declaring, "I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins."[23] Fortunately, we do not have to be trapped in this pain, and Alma teaches us how as he continues:

I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.  

Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.  

And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.  

And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain![24]

I love the promise given in these verses. We can be freed from the pain of sin, and we can be filled with the joy and marvelous light of being made clean.

While the scriptures testify of the joy that comes through repentance, we should also remember that the Atonement extends beyond repentance. The Savior teaches us this key principle when He promises, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."[25]

One semester I had a student who needed the rest the Savior offers. She came to my office one evening in tears. Although her original purpose in coming was somehow related to our class, she soon started talking about her burdens. She had been married for almost two years and had a beautiful nine-month-old son. But her husband had a pornography addiction.

At first he had been apologetic and repentant, but as their marriage continued, he had now become defensive and angry. He didn't see why his behavior mattered to anyone else but him. After all, he hadn't changed. He was the same man, the same husband, the same father. But this wasn't true. Sin changes us, even if we won't admit it. Caught up in his sin, he didn't realize or didn't care that he'd started demeaning his wife, verbally abusing her for her efforts in their home, with their son, and in their marriage. And lately he'd become impatient with their child. 

She wasn't really coming to me for advice; she just needed someone to listen. But as she finished, I couldn't help but make some suggestions. I recommended that she work with her bishop and a therapist to help her with the decisions she faced and to ensure her safety. I then offered comfort by reminding her that the Atonement could help ease her pain. She looked at me with great surprise and shock.

"No, Sister Papworth," she said. "I'm not the one with the pornography addiction. It's my husband that needs repentance."

This lovely, faithful young woman didn't understand that the Atonement means more than repentance. She didn't need to carry the burden of her pain and sorrow alone. Sister Linda K. Burton, Relief Society general president, explains that "our Heavenly Father ... [loves] us enough that He sent His Only Begotten and perfect Son to suffer for our sins, [but also for] our heartaches, and all that seems unfair in our own individual lives."[26]

Like this young woman, we will suffer pain for reasons that are not our fault. Like this young woman, we might suffer pain because of others' choices. We might face physical or mental illness. We might face disappointment and anxiety. But, like this young woman, we can turn to our Savior, and He will bring us peace. As Elder Oaks has stated, "His Atonement reaches and is powerful enough not only to pay the price for sin but also to heal every mortal affliction."[27]

This comfort might not be immediate. Spiritual and emotional healing isn't as easy as pushing an "easy" button. And often the healing power of the Atonement comes drop by drop, until it becomes a healing balm that can soothe our wounds. But the Savior has promised that, because of Him, our pain and suffering can end. Although it may feel eternal, our hardship will be "but a small moment."[28]

Because we live in a world of opposition, we will struggle with adversity. But as we struggle to face hardship or to understand what we seemingly cannot understand, let us remember that the atoning sacrifice of the Savior can comfort and heal. The Lord has promised, "Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy."[29] While we seek to overcome opposition, we should also seek to strengthen our faith in Jesus Christ, for that testimony, and His grace, can sustain us until we do. I bear testimony of this truth in His name. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.


Notes

[1] "The Parable of the Ten Virgins," Ensign, March 2009, 49

[2] Ibid

[3] The Princess Bride [Motion Picture]. 1987. United States: MGM

[4] 2 Nephi 2:11

[5] 2 Nephi 2:15

[6] 1 Nephi 3:7

[7] 1 Nephi 2:11

[8] Ibid

[9] Dallin H. Oaks, "Opposition in All Things," Ensign, May 2016

[10] Ibid

[11] 2 Nephi 2:25

[12] Richard G. Scott, "Finding Joy in Life," Ensign, May 1996

[13] Ibid

[14] Ibid

[15] Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Fourth Floor, Last Door," Ensign, Nov. 2016

[16] Ibid

[17] Ibid

[18] 2 Nephi 28:20

[19] Doctrine and Covenants 121:1

[20] Doctrine and Covenants 121:7

[21] Psalms 30:5

[22] Luke 2:10-11

[23] Alma 30:17

[24] Alma 30:17-20

[25] Matthew 11:28

[26] Linda K. Burton, "Is Faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ Written in Our Hearts?" Ensign, Nov. 2012

[27] Dallin H. Oaks, "He Heals the Heavy Laden," Ensign, Nov. 2006

[28] Doctrine and Covenants 121:7

[29] Doctrine and Covenants 11:13.