I am happy to be gathered with you today. When I arrived at BYU-Idaho ten years ago this month, I determined then that I would never take for granted the opportunity to teach and learn all knowledge through a gospel lens. I pray that the Spirit will attend this meeting; that according to our preparation he will teach us and testify of truth.
I have always loved school and always loved learning. When I was younger I had a misconception regarding learning. I assumed that a time would come in our lives when we would reach a pinnacle of learning; when we would know all that we need to know and spend the rest of our lives applying that knowledge. When I graduated from high school and headed for BYU, I felt that I already knew all that I needed to know to be successful in college. I learned many lessons during the four years I spent in Provo. When I graduated from BYU as a young wife expecting her first child I was by that time smart enough to recognize that I was not quite as knowledgeable as I had assumed. And now two graduate degrees, six children, and 17 grandchildren later I have come to the full realization of how little I know and how much I still need to learn.
In the few minutes we have together today I'd like to share with you a few of what I refer to as life lessons. Some I've learned along the way and others are lessons a few of my last semester students share; lessons they have learned as well as lessons they wish they had known when first coming to BYU-Idaho. Recognize that these lessons do not involve any financial commitment or monetary sacrifice--they can't be purchased! But they can be developed and bless not only our lives but the lives of those around us. As you listen and ponder the thoughts shared today, I would challenge you to identify at least one life lesson that you can learn from and then be willing to do so!
Life Lesson #1: Learn to be Kind
Think for a moment of someone whom you consider to be kind. What is it about that individual that leads you to define him or her as kind? Possibly you would describe them as thoughtful, non-judgmental, compassionate, friendly, charitable, caring, or Christ-like. How well do those words describe you? Would those who know you consider you to be kind? How do we recognize kindness in others?
As a young wife I always thought my husband was kind, but quickly learned just how genuinely kind he is. Shortly after we graduated from BYU we moved into a basement apartment in Bountiful, Utah, as our first non-student home. We had a new little baby and I was so homesick. One weekend, after having saved enough money to make the trip, we were preparing to head to Las Vegas to visit my family. When my husband got home from work on Friday, we packed our one and only car and were just about ready to head out when I questioned if I had locked the apartment windows. While my husband went back to check, I decided to help us get moving a little faster by backing out of our carport and pulling into the front of the apartment. Unfortunately, I didn't think to close the driver's door when I began backing out and the next thing I knew the door was hanging off the hinges, having been wrenched loose by a concrete pilaster in the center of the carport.
I sat there stunned! I must admit I was not only embarrassed but a little worried about what my husband's reaction would be when he saw the door hanging there! I heard his footsteps coming out of the apartment and down to the carport; I prepared for the worst. As he came around the corner and saw the situation that I had created, he calmly and kindly stated, "You'd better go and call your parents; let them know we're going to be a little late getting there." That was it! Not another word was said about the door hanging off its hinges. I knew I had married a genuinely good and kind man!
What does kindness look like at BYU-Idaho? There is a human factor associated with kindness that involves people to people connections. Kindness can and does exist independent of cell phones and iPods. Kindness is evidenced through a smile, a friendly greeting, an act of service to those we do or do not know. Let me share some thoughts from my students:
"I've learned that it's important to put yourself out there and make friends with people in your classes. It makes a big difference to success in classes and just your overall happiness."
"Smile at everyone. You never know how much it affects someone."
"Something I'm so glad that I've learned since coming to BYU-Idaho is the Spirit of Ricks. I love how this spirit is felt through classes and those you come in contact with. People here are so friendly I really should have had no reason to be nervous coming here."
Kindness will be unmistakable through our charitable actions of loving our neighbors and refraining from judging others. Listen again to the lessons learned by BYU-Idaho students:
"People have their own unique situations and we all have struggles in [our] lives. They may look like they [don't] have any troubles but they always do. Be willing to get to know people and help them as much as you can."
"Everyone is different and has some sort of struggles. Respect everyone and don't judge anyone."
In April 2005 General Conference, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught: "Kindness is the essence of a celestial life. Kindness is how a Christ-like person treats others. Kindness should permeate all of our words and actions at work, at school, at church, and especially in our homes . . ."[1]
"But," you ask, "what if people are rude?" Love them. "If they are obnoxious?" Love them. "But what if they offend? Surely I must do something then?" Love them. "Wayward?" The answer is the same. Be kind. Love them. Why? In the scriptures Jude taught, "And of some have compassion, making a difference." Who can tell what far-reaching impact we can have if we are only kind?
Let's be a little kinder!
Life Lesson #2: Learn to be Responsible
For many, this may be your first time away from home or your first experience living with roommates. It may be the first time you have actually had to manage your time or your money, cook a meal, or do your own laundry. Suddenly all responsibility falls on you. There's no longer mom or dad around to wake you up in the morning; no one to remind you to do your homework (or take it with you to class); no one to make sure that from that bottomless pit of dirty laundry emerges freshly washed and folded clothes. It all depends on you!
We are reminded in Galatians 6:7 that "...whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." I am happy to tell you there is hope for those who are not yet the responsible individual you aspire to become. I'm prepared to admit that when I first went to college I was not the responsible person who stands before you today. I had never balanced a checkbook and thought as long as I had checks I could keep writing them. It only made sense that if I had checks I would still have money left. Not so!
Coming from Las Vegas, I assumed if it snowed that classes would be cancelled that day. I couldn't imagine anyone going out in a storm. If it was a snowy morning, I'd roll over in bed and go back to sleep. Let me assure you there is no "Snow Day" policy at BYU-Idaho. I also assumed if you didn't like or need a class, you just stopped attending it. That's how a professor would know that you'd dropped it. When I received my first semester grades and saw that I had failed a class I was honestly shocked! How could my professor fail me? He certainly had to realize that since I had obviously stopped attending class I had obviously dropped it. Obviously not! But I learned, changed my ways, and did eventually graduate with a decent GPA.
So let me clarify. You are the one responsible for every aspect of your performance at BYU-Idaho: academic, spiritual, and social. Learn from other students as they share their BYU-Idaho life lessons regarding responsibility:
"I wish I would have met with a counselor at the beginning of my first semester and better planned out my semesters."
"I wish I would have known more about the major options. I wish I could have seen just a big list of all the majors offered at BYU-Idaho."
"I wish I had known how to manage my time well, so that I would be able to not only get good grades, but also to enable me to get enough sleep."
"I wish I would have known how much attendance helps grades. Because teachers would allow 2-3 [absences] before it hurt your grade, I gave myself the same. This semester I have gone to every class possible and my grades are better than they have ever been."
"I have learned to prioritize and manage my time well. I have found out that the more balance (school, social, spiritual) I have in my life, the happier I am and the better I function."
As you learn to be responsible you will avoid the tendency to blame others for the results of your actions. Avoid blaming your lack of preparation for class on a friend who begged you to "come out and do something fun." Avoid blaming your poor test performance on a professor who "doesn't know how to teach to a learner like you." Avoid blaming your late arrival at sacrament meeting on your roommate who "forgot to set an alarm." By not assuming responsibility for our own actions we run the risk of developing a spirit of entitlement. Reflect on these words from President Kim B. Clark delivered at our September 2010 Devotional:
"If you and I have the spirit of entitlement, it means we have an attitude and belief that the world owes us what we want. Like Laman and Lemuel, some who harbor the spirit of entitlement believe they have been shortchanged in life or aggrieved in some way and that they deserve more than they are getting. Often those who succumb to the spirit of entitlement feel superior to those around them, or believe certain rules should not apply to them, or that they should not be required to do what everyone else has to do. They believe they are entitled to special treatment and special privileges. They want something for nothing."[2]
Take just a moment and conduct a brief "self-check" by asking yourself the following questions. Do I tend to make excuses for my actions and choices? Do I tend to blame others when things don't go the way I'd like? Do I accept the consequences of my actions and choices knowing that they are a result of my agency? Do I choose to act rather than be acted upon?
Embrace the responsibility to be actively involved in every aspect of the BYU-Idaho experience, including your ward and stake. Attend your meetings on time; gladly accept and diligently fulfill callings; attend and participate in Family Home Evenings; love and support your bishopric; make it a goal to get to know all of your ward members. My students have learned the following:
"I've learned that college life includes not only academics but also social and spiritual. I had been so focused on school I left no time for anything else."
"Have faith. The Lord will take care of you and help you survive if you are faithful. Hard times will come, there is no doubt about that, but with the Lord's help we somehow come out alive and successful."
"I wish I knew the importance of getting involved. It took me a few semesters to understand why this is important, but the experiences I've had with involvement so far have honestly changed my life. I've learned that Heavenly Father truly needs me here to do His work, and I can do all things when I rely on Him. Miracles happen every day that help His work progress."
Assume responsibility!
Life Lesson #3: Learn to be Thankful
Two of the most powerful words in the English language are "thank you." These words have the power to change an attitude, lift a burden, brighten a dark day, or soften a heart. In Doctrine and Covenants 59 we are counseled to "...thank the Lord thy God in all things." President Monson taught in the October 2010 General Conference that "Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God's love." We have so many blessings to be thankful for, though we'll address just two.
First, be thankful for your family. The family unit is essential to Heavenly Father's plan for our mortal experience. Think for a moment about your family. Doesn't your heart just melt a little when you do? I have learned that through my family I have experienced both life's greatest joys and life's greatest heartaches. None of us come from a perfect family, nor will we create a perfect family. What we can do is strive to be a perfect member of our family. I am absolutely crazy about my family. I adore them and count them as one of the greatest blessings in my life. I am not a perfect daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, or mother-in-law--but I am trying to become a little better each day. Avoid being critical of family members who are less than perfect. Appreciate the efforts of all within the scope of your family. Have you had the "a-ha" moment of one of my students who wished she had known before leaving home how much she relied on her parents?
Express your thanks to your parents, your siblings, your grandparents--all those in your life who have been instrumental in loving you, nurturing you and providing for both your temporal and spiritual needs. Express your thanks often and sincerely. My mother passed away rather unexpectedly many years ago. While in the hospital for a routine procedure, due to human error with medication administration she suffered a stroke to the brain stem and never regained consciousness. There was no time to express final thoughts with someone whom I loved so dearly. She was gone before we had that opportunity. But because I had expressed my love and appreciation to my mother on a nearly daily basis, I was not burdened with the thought of "if only"--"if only" I had told my mother how thankful I was for her; "if only" I had told her how much I looked to her as an example of a righteous Latter-day Saint woman; "if only" I had expressed my love and appreciation. I had told her, often and sincerely, and I knew that she knew.
Secondly, be thankful to be at this university. I love BYU-Idaho, and I pray that if you don't yet share that sentiment that the time will quickly come when you do. Some day you will come to realize what a blessing it is to have the opportunity to learn secular knowledge through a gospel lens. Listen again to the voices of students:
"I didn't think I'd take to the gospel being integrated into the curriculum as well as I did. Looking back now, I can't even imagine why...I love being able to bring aspects of the gospel into the class! It is almost like finally bringing together two important parts of my life that have been separate."
"Something that I have learned coming to BYU-Idaho from California is the great impact the Spirit has on the school. Attending a school where the Church and gospel are discussed openly in class and where the spirit is welcomed in before each class has helped me grow greatly in aspects of the gospel as well as my other studies."
"One thing I learned at BYU-Idaho is gratitude! Here at BYU-Idaho we have all been taught that our tuition is so much cheaper than most schools because of tithe payers. This makes me want to gain an education even more because it wouldn't be my money going to waste if I don't get the most out of school; it will be the Lord's money, and that is something I don't want to put to waste."
Be thankful for all that you have.
Life Lesson #4: Learn to be Steadfast
What does it mean to be steadfast? According to Dictionary.com, steadfast is an adjective meaning fixed in direction; firm in purpose; unwavering. In relating steadfastness to the gospel, we can see it refers to our being steadily directed on the gospel path, firm in our faith, and unwavering in our commitment to living gospel principles. Steadfastness also relates to our role as students. I propose that if we are steadfast we are committed to seeing our studies through "to the end," course by course. We are firm in our purpose for gaining an education, recognizing that the Lord has commanded us to "...seek learning, even by study and also by faith" (Doctrine and Covenants 88:118).
I hope I haven't led you to believe this path will be without challenges or heartaches; that it will be easy and require little effort on our part. That is not the case. I can assure you that each of Heavenly Father's children will experience trials and challenges in our efforts to be steadfast; but in the same way I can assure you that we are not left alone in meeting those trials and challenges. My students shared the following:
"It is all worth it in the end. If you feel like giving up, don't! Keep trying. "
"Always make time for scriptures, prayer, and going to the temple. Miracles will happen even if they're little miracles. Heavenly Father will help you with everything else in your life when you put Him first. Remember that He loves you!"
"I have learned that the Lord's way is the best way. He has a plan for me, and if my plan does not match His plan as long as I am living worthy He will direct me to His plan and I am far happier when I am doing His plan."
What can we learn from the example of others that will help us remain steadfast?
From the prophet Abraham's response to the commandment to sacrifice his son Isaac, we can learn of unwavering, steadfast obedience. Likely none us will ever be required to demonstrate obedience in that same manner, yet each of us will be required to demonstrate our unwavering obedience in remaining steadfast. Elder Richard G. Scott has taught:
"You cannot today remotely imagine what that decision to be unwaveringly obedient to the Lord will allow you to accomplish in life. Your quiet, uncompromising determination to live a righteous life will couple you to inspiration and power beyond your capacity now to understand."[3]
Three times in the scriptural account of Abraham and Isaac we read the phrase "here am I" or "here I am." When the Lord calls to us, are we worthy and willing to respond, "Here am I"? From the Prophet Joseph Smith we can learn steadfastness in the face of adversity. In spite of experiencing hatred and persecution for saying that he had seen a vision, he never waivered from the truth. As recorded in his history, the Prophet stated, "...For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation" (Joseph Smith-History 1:25). Ask yourself the following: am I steadfast in my loyalty and devotion to the Lord? Or am I more worried about offending man than I am about offending God?
One of the most important life lessons I have learned is to be steadfast in waiting for the Lord. As the psalmist wrote, "I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry" (Psalms 40:1). The summer of my high school graduation I received a very personal witness of Heavenly Father's awareness of and love for each of His children. When I arrived in Provo for my freshman year, I sought out my patriarchal blessing, desirous of better knowing the will of my Father for me his daughter. I received very specific counsel and direction but was left with lingering questions and uncertainty. Should I change my major? Should I change the course I had prayerfully determined prior to coming to school? Through fasting and prayer the Spirit taught me to be patient, to continue forward, and to know that Heavenly Father was aware of me and my needs.
I finished my degree and graduated as I had originally planned. I was privileged to be a stay-at-home mother of six children. I served faithfully in my Church callings and responsibilities and engaged in voluntary community service. And during this time I waited steadfastly and patiently for further direction from the Lord. And it came. Not in my time, but in His. Opportunities seemed to appear from nowhere. Ways and means were provided for me to pursue my graduate work. Time after time I was in the right place at the right time. I was led and prepared to acquire the knowledge and experience necessary for me to fulfill the Lord's purposes. I have felt the guidance and tender mercies of the Lord throughout my life. It is His hand that led me to where I am today. I testify to you that if we remain steadfast and faithful, trusting in the Lord, He will direct our paths.
Be steadfast. Be faithful.
I was struck by the words of Elder Neil L. Andersen during the April 2009 General Conference when he said, "I know that I am not what I must become." Brothers and sisters, I know that I am not what I must become. I know that you are not what you must become. But I also know without a doubt that as we travel the path of mortality, if we will learn from life's lessons and sincerely strive to be kind, to be responsible, to be thankful and to be steadfast, we can become all that our Heavenly Father would have us become. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] Joseph B. Wirthlin, "The Virtue of Kindness," Ensign, May 2005, 26
[2] Kim B. Clark, "Drenched in Gratitude: Protection Against the Spirit of Entitlement," BYU-Idaho Devotional, Sept. 2010
[3] Richard G. Scott, "Making the Right Decisions," Ensign, May 1991, 34