Henry
Sister Eyring and I are grateful for this opportunity to address you today. We join you in giving thanks for government approval to assemble a small group of gifted technicians to produce this devotional—at a time of restrictions on gathering.
Kelly
Like you, we have been thinking about family members. Some, such as those in London, have been kept from visiting. Others have taken shelter together with us in Rexburg. Overall, it has been a sweet reunion. Only occasionally, on days of inclement weather, have we felt a bit of claustrophobia, or what the pioneers called “cabin fever.”
Henry
We can hardly imagine how this time has felt for the parents of young children living in small apartments. I have distant but still-painful memories of spending my first three months in Rexburg in a single-wide trailer with my parents and two younger brothers. I often tussled with them, due to being cooped up in that small space. The younger of those brothers, Matthew, was just three years old. I regret to confess that one of Matthew’s first full sentences was, “He hit me.”
Kelly
Brother Eyring and I have been thinking of you during the past weeks of required staying at home. Feelings of loneliness and uncertainty are natural at a time like this. But as Elder Peter M. and Sister Stephanie Johnson taught us last week: “During this time of your life you may feel a lot of uncertainty and often question whether you are going the right way. . . . When these questions arise, remember who went before you and how to follow Him.” [1] “Continue to make and keep your covenants and seek to feel His loving arms because He is there, you are never alone, and He wants you to hear Him—even the voice of Jesus Christ.” [2]
Henry
New social and spiritual patterns have emerged from this time of trial, many of them welcome. For example, Sister Eyring and I have enjoyed a higher level of worship in our home, especially on Sundays. And our journal entries have become more focused on sacred experiences, with less attention given to daily duties. My writing is gradually becoming more like that of Nephi’s small plates.
The Family Proclamation
Kelly
In this time of disruption, we have felt guided by the 1995 prophetic statement of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, titled “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” In particular, we have felt increased appreciation for the stated duties of husbands, wives, mothers, and fathers. The proclamation includes these important statements of truth:
Henry
“HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.”
Kelly
“THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”
Henry
“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.” [3]
As Marci Hansen shared on this week’s devotional discussion board:
“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” has strengthened my family by giving us the guidelines set by our Father in Heaven about the importance of each of our roles in the family. No matter what your family situation, it gives reassurance to know that we are each important in the Father’s plan.
Kelly
Of course, Henry and I have special feelings about our parents, who have sacrificed so much for us. But we are also very grateful for close relatives who have not found a marriage partner in this life. One of them has substituted for the big brother Henry never had.
Henry
This marvelous uncle welcomed me home from the hospital when I was born, in 1963. A few years later, he was cheering at the swimming lesson when I first put my face in the water. Every summer he took me with my cousins and siblings to our favorite California beach. This dear uncle attended my swimming meets and my missionary farewell. And these days he treats our children as his own nieces and nephews.
Kelly
We appreciate the Family Proclamation’s statement, “Extended families should lend support when needed.” Aunts and uncles can play the role of ministering angels. There is also comfort, especially for single sisters, in a prophetic promise made by President Ezra Taft Benson, who said,
I assure you that if you have to wait even until the next life to be blessed with a choice companion, God will surely compensate you. Time is numbered only to man. God has your eternal perspective in mind. [4]
Forging a Family
Henry
In fact, it is not just unmarried sisters and brothers who may have to wait for the blessing of full family companionship, sealed by the honoring of eternal covenants. As Adam and Eve learned with their son Cain and many of his siblings, it is no easy thing to rear children well, teaching them to love one another and to follow the Savior and His teachings. Adam dutifully provided for his family’s temporal needs, while also presiding ecclesiastically. And Eve gave life to children whom she nurtured faithfully.
Kelly
Sadly, though, many of these children rejected the teachings of their parents, even to the point of Cain killing his brother Abel. Eve’s pains in giving birth were multiplied by the sorrow of seeing her offspring rebel against both their Heavenly Father and their earthly father, Adam.
Henry
Our spiritual adversary, who first tempted Cain, seeks to tempt us as well. Part of the temptation seems built into the timing of family formation. Paradoxically, children come early in marriage, while income is limited and fathers struggle to provide temporally, either as college students or junior employees.
Kelly
In addition to apartment rent and home-mortgage payments, parents must supply braces, music lessons, fees for athletic teams, and summer travel, among other activities and expenditures. In these early years of a family, there seems to be a painful life-cycle mismatch of expenses and income. In other words, you tend to have the biggest family needs when your bank account is smallest. Only much later, when you are a grandparent or a favorite aunt or uncle, will you be able to enjoy using your extra cash to spoil your posterity.
Henry
Throughout our lives, we need to stay focused on the things that matter most in the eternal scheme. But that is especially true in the beginning, as we leave our parents’ home to establish our own. In the beginning, providing for a family is like the start of a waterskiing run. The pull of your responsibilities to make a living and serve in the Church, as well as inviting children into your home, may sometimes make you feel like you’re drowning.
Kelly
But natural leaders such as you get their waterskies to “plane” on the water surprisingly quickly, especially as you make the gospel the center of your life. With heaven’s help, the necessary financial income will somehow come soon enough for the arrival of children. Before long, your leadership capabilities will allow you to provide more than just the essentials of life for you and those who depend on you. That will be true even as you assume the responsibility of teaching and filling leadership positions in the Church.
Spiritual Sidetracks
Henry
Yet just when you’re getting comfortable, a new temptation will rear its head. Your value as a natural leader will be recognized in the form of leadership opportunities at work. Promotions and pay increases will come, providing a degree of welcome relief from debts. But with promotion comes prestige and power. Inevitably, the temptation to pride creeps in. That can negatively affect personal behavior not only at work and church, but also at home.
Kelly
Fortunately, Henry got a spiritual “wake-up call” that came early in his career as a management consultant. In those days, he traveled a lot, often overseas. During one particularly busy month, his credit card provider called to warn that his card had been stolen. In fact, Henry had the card with him; it hadn’t been stolen. But he had used it so much—for expensive airline tickets and hotel rooms—that it was hard for the credit-card-fraud detectors to believe that just one person could legally spend so much money in one month.
Henry
In reality, there had been a thief: me. And the theft was not one of money, but of time and effort that should have been invested in my family and my calling as a stake high councilor. Not long after the phone call from the credit card company, I was interviewed by a counselor in the stake presidency who expressed concern about my poor attendance at Thursday-evening high council meetings. Later, when I complained to Sister Eyring about his lack of appreciation for my heavy travel, she gently replied, “I know how your Church leader feels: It’s easier for the children and me when you’re gone for a long time because then we can maintain a predictable schedule.”
Kelly
I appreciated Henry’s desire to provide well for our family. But his financial compensation was more than we needed. And our three children were growing up quickly, spending less time with their father than they or he wanted. It was a relief when other job opportunities presented themselves, one of them entirely unlooked for. That new position paid less and required a long daily commute. But it allowed Henry to be at home for dinner and weekends, with a focus on our children. The new job also gave him time to serve effectively as a bishop.
Recognizing What Matters Most
Henry
I awakened from my long-held dream of professional prestige and financial wealth just in time to be attentive to our children as they reached the teenage years. It was only in hindsight that I recognized the degree to which I had bought into the world’s definition of success. Its temporal prizes, including promotion and ever-higher pay and perks, had become my way of “keeping score” and feeling proud of myself.
Kelly
Providing the essentials of life isn’t easy in this increasingly expensive world. That has become painfully clearer to most people during the current pandemic. But even in ordinary times, making a financial living for a family is challenging. Especially at the beginning of a professional career, when the competition among young employees is dog-eat-dog, time spent face-to-face at work is important to success. Even in the world of FaceTime and Zoom, there is some truth to the phrase, “Out of sight, out of mind.”
Henry
Ironically, though, succeeding at work brings new challenges for employees and their families. Promoted professionals feel obligated to perform. Success requires succeeding every day. Resting your reputation and long-term happiness on work performed outside of your home is like chiseling your name in ice on a hot August day. You may enjoy the work as long as it lasts. But the sense of satisfaction will steadily fade, as you inevitably lose touch with your professional colleagues. And though the money you have saved will buy physical comforts, it will not fill your time or help you feel needed personally.
Kelly
By contrast, the effort that wives and husbands invest in nurturing children and grandchildren can be emotionally and spiritually fulfilling throughout a lifetime and into eternity. A child’s personality and capabilities are largely determined well before physical maturity. Mothers are particularly influential in those formative years. I will be forever grateful for my mother’s focus on raising my three sisters and me. In addition to supporting us in our schoolwork, she taught us to cook and sew, while daily chauffeuring us to dance practices. I’m also grateful for my father’s sacrifice as he worked faithfully to provide steady income for our family, even though he would have liked to be a professional racing-car driver.
A Family Drive
Henry
Like Sister Eyring, I feel an eternal debt to my parents. That is particularly so of my mother. I was born when she just 21. Within nine years, she was the mother of four headstrong sons, who adored her but were a handful to manage. Then came a period of nine years of pregnancy miscarriages and grieving. When her youngest son, John, began the first grade, Mother filled her daytime hours with private ministering. She also wrote several children’s books, one of which won a state-wide award. But she put her writing aside with the births of two wonderful daughters. When I asked why, she solemnly replied, “More important things came along.”
Kelly
Henry’s father likewise made his children his top priority. Even during the early, hard years of starting a university teaching career, he organized family home evenings and Saturday-morning projects. The four boys enjoyed painting old sheds, planting gardens, and making model airplanes and cars from discarded pieces of wood. Later, when daughters Elizabeth and Mary Kathleen came along, Henry’s father traded the woodworking and gardening he’d done with the boys, in favor of leading the baking of bread to take to neighbors.
Henry
Another priceless tradition undertaken by my father is the nightly writing of a journal that captures the major events of the day, especially those with spiritual significance. The entries are brief, rarely more than one typed page, including a photo or two. They are like the small plates of Nephi, focused on important family events and spiritual insights. They also often include a small watercolor painting, produced by President Eyring in his office at lunchtime. These journal entries are sent to all of my parents’ posterity every night.
Kelly
I’m likewise grateful for a father who shares his faith with his posterity. As a full-time missionary, he encountered apostates who tried to shake his testimony. He found spiritual strength as he corresponded with family members, especially his father and grandfather, who were faithful students of the scriptures. With their support and the ministry of the Holy Ghost, my father developed a similar love for the scriptures. I am grateful for his passing that love down to his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.
Handprints on The Wall
Henry
For many of you, establishing a family is still a future event. Yet it is wise to plan and act as though it could happen sooner than you think. Heavenly Father often keeps us waiting to have our hopes and dreams fulfilled. But we can also be surprised when family opportunities and obligations exceed our expectations. Children may come sooner than planned, and their needs may seem almost impossible to meet.
Kelly
Especially in those circumstances, it is crucial to have a clear vision of the significance of this mortal life and the timing of the things that matter most. If we are not fully aware of and willing to sacrifice for those things, we may be caught off guard, with long-lasting consequences for us and our loved ones. I am grateful for a poem that helped Henry and me focus on our children during the too-short time they lived with us:
Sometimes you get discouraged, because I am so small,
And always leave my fingerprints on furniture and walls.
Henry
But every day I’m growing—I’ll be grown someday,
And all those dirty handprints will surely fade away.
So here’s a little handprint, just so you can recall,
Exactly how my fingers looked when I was very small. [5]
Kelly
Time is short for families, and the spiritual stakes couldn’t be higher. Henry and I have felt blessed in applying several tests of value to the activities we invest our time and effort in. One of them is “The Journal Test.” It helps us focus on—and create—activities and feelings that we want to share with our family members and friends at the end of each day.
Keeping a Spiritual Record
Henry
If I ever published my family journal, I’d have to include a disclaimer on the cover: “Based on a True Story.” As is true of any written record, I choose to emphasize the positive events and feelings, especially when I’m praising my family members and friends and when I’m expressing thanks for heaven’s blessings. I try to be like the Old Testament Prophet Elisha, who was blessed to see his missionary companion taken up into heaven.
Kelly
Faith is a choice that we can make in any circumstance, no matter how difficult it may seem at the time. And writing optimistically about our experiences can solidify our faith, building spiritual antibodies against the spiritual tests yet to come. Like the mothers of the Book of Mormon stripling warriors, we can build in our loved ones a testimony that, if they do not doubt, God will deliver them, no matter how great the obstacles or threats. [6]
Henry
Keeping an inspiring journal doesn’t require that you study or work in places where most people are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nor does it require a job related to the Church or professional colleagues who are Church members. We are commanded to let our lights shine in the spiritual darkness for the sake of serving those who need it. As we shine our lights, the darkness will be driven back and many of our colleagues will be drawn to us, seeking more light.
Kelly
Wherever we are, with friends or strangers, we can give selfless service. In the process, we will naturally radiate Heavenly Father’s love. The pure in heart, as well as those whose hearts are troubled or aching, will be drawn to the light and happiness they see in us. This will lead to opportunities to share gospel principles when we feel impressed to do so. The Apostle Peter has given us this spiritual charge and missionary opportunity: “Sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you.” [7]
Henry
Sometimes, it becomes necessary to leave a work environment or a group of social companions for the sake of maintaining a healthy lifestyle balance and personal standards of behavior. You’ll recognize this necessity if you find yourself making excuses for their behavior, rather than making them positive characters in your journal entries. You’ll also feel the need to change your environment and life balance if your journal references professional or social colleagues more than family members.
Kelly
Your family members, particularly parents and grandparents, can be a vital source of learning and perspective. Express appreciation for them. Seek their guidance and learn from their experiences. Find out what has mattered most to them. Whether they have lived the principles of the gospel or not, they can counsel with you based on their experiences and their natural affection for you.
Henry
Make a similar study of characters in the scriptures. Treasure up inspiring stories and the eternal doctrines found in the scriptures. Put yourself in the shoes of heroes as well as tragic characters. Study the relationships among family members, such as Nephi and his brothers. Liken the inspiring stories and the noble characters to yourself.
Kelly
Above all, pray with an open heart and act as the Spirit directs. As you do so, you will be given impressions and insights for yourself and family members. Acting on what you’ve received, you’ll be blessed in lifting your loved ones.
Henry
Through the guidance of the Holy Ghost, Heavenly Father will empower you to minister as the Savior did during His mortal ministry and as He does so now. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] Stephanie Johnson, “Footprints to Hear Him,” BYU-Idaho devotional, May 12, 2020.
[2] Peter M. Johnson, “Hear Him As We Minister to the One,” BYU-Idaho devotional, May 12, 2020.
[3] “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, Nov. 2010, 129.
[4] President Ezra Taft Benson, “To the Single Adult Sisters of the Church,” General Conference, October 1988.
[5] Author unknown.
[6] See Alma 56:47-48.
[7] 1 Peter 3:15.