I am grateful for this opportunity to speak with you and for the opportunity to be a small part of this great university. I am thankful for my family, friends, and students who came to support me. I appreciate the beautiful music that uplifts us each week at the devotionals. To begin I should say that I am typically not a dreamer of profound dreams. When I dream I most frequently dream about attainable, mundane things. I have had dreams about folding socks, washing dishes, and changing baby diapers at a party. I once had a slightly more exciting dream of visiting a paper recycling plant. But one dream has changed me, even though it is not even slightly as profound as Lehi's dream.
A few years ago I was momentarily between primary callings having just finished my time as primary chorister. I must add that I am not a singer, but I do love the songs. I got a phone call asking me to substitute teach in a primary class. I agreed and volunteered my daughter, Morgan, to teach with me.
The lesson was about the ten lepers. I love this story in the New Testament. The opportunity to talk about gratitude both for others and for the Lord excited me. Jesus's life was so short—only 33 years—and his ministry was even shorter—just three years. Luke recorded and preserved a few precious stories and teachings. I believe that this event with the ten lepers is included in Luke's record not just because gratitude is nice, but because developing a spirit of gratitude is vital to our salvation. Christ's teachings are focused on what we must do to truly become whole.
In the Doctrine and Covenants 78:19 we are taught "... he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more."
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "How blessed we are if we recognize God's handiwork in the marvelous tapestry of life. Gratitude to our Father in Heaven broadens our perception and clears our vision. It inspires humility and fosters empathy toward our fellowmen and all of God's creation. Gratitude is a catalyst to all Christlike attributes! A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues."[1] I knew all of the children in this Primary class from singing time. And although they were an older class they would always gleefully ask to sing action songs like "Once There Was a Snowman"[2] or "Do As I'm Doing."[3] My daughter and I settled on an active plan to teach the lesson where we would first convey the idea of leprosy. I have changed the children's names to protect the innocent and the wiggly.
After the opening prayer we talked with the children about what it is like to be sick. Sarah said, "My mom sits by me and reads me stories." Sam said, "When I was in the hospital my dad gave me a blessing and I felt better."
"We are going to pretend to be in the time when Jesus lived on earth," I told them. "I would like you to think about what it would be like to be sick with a disease called leprosy. Would anyone like to volunteer to help me?" Every hand shot into the air. Nathan stepped forward when I called his name.
"Nathan, I am so sorry you have leprosy," I said. "It has affected the whole left side of your face. You need bandages."
Morgan wrapped half of Nathan's head in clean toilet paper blocking his vision and covering one ear while the rest of the class giggled. Nathan turned and grinned at them then tried to return to his chair. I stopped him and said, "Oh Nathan, you can't sit by the other kids anymore. They are still clean. Lepers are dirty and will make everyone sick." I moved him to the corner and had him sit on the floor.
One by one the children had parts of their bodies bandaged and sat in the corner of the primary room on the floor. Sam asked, "Can I get a drink?"
"No," I answered, "lepers can't use the drinking fountain. That is for healthy people. You are unclean."
Rachel raised her bandaged hand and asked, "Who took care of the lepers?"
"No one took care of them but the other lepers," I explained. "The lepers were taken from their families. Their moms and dads didn't sit by their beds to help them. All of their friends abandoned them. People would run away if they saw a leper coming towards them." Morgan continued, "Lepers had to ring a bell if they were coming close to people and call out 'Leper! Outcast! Unclean!' to warn everyone they were near."
"How would you feel if you were a leper?" I asked. The children were quiet and thoughtful for a few minutes then responded:
"I would miss my mom and my dad."
"I would feel sad."
"Couldn't they ever go back to their families?"
"No," I answered, "not unless they were cured."
"Were very many cured?" Joseph asked.
"No, not then. Today there is medicine that helps when people are sick, but the lepers in Jesus's time didn't have any hope," I responded. The tissue bandages slipped down around necks, wrists, and legs. Some of the children leaned against one another. A few pulled their knees to their chests and put their heads down.
"I would want my mom," Rachel said.
"I would too," Morgan answered softly. "Now, imagine that you have heard some exciting news," I told them. "There is a man who heals people. He healed someone who was blind. He healed someone who couldn't walk. This man is coming near where you live with the other lepers. Maybe he can heal you. What do you think this man's name is?"
"Jesus!" cried the children.
"I would go to him and ask him to help me," said Nathan.
I explained that is just what the lepers in Jesus's time did. Their whole world was filled with hope again. Maybe they would get to be with their families again. They went to Jesus and begged him to heal them. And Jesus did heal them. Morgan and I removed all the tissue bandages and the children returned to their seats.
"How do you think the lepers that were healed felt now?" I asked. The children cheered and even danced around a little.
"I would run to find my dad!" Sam said.
"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" Sarah said.
"I'm so glad you remembered to say thank you," I said. "Do you know only one leper said thank you to Jesus?"
Sarah looked surprised, "But he had given them their whole life back."
We finished the lesson by reading the scriptures in Luke, talking about gratitude, and making thank you cards. Morgan and I got hugs and lots of "thank yous" as they left.
I came home from church tired but proud that the lesson had gone so well with the children. I felt like I had set a good example of teaching primary for my daughter. I settled down for my well-deserved Sunday nap.
My dream began with the primary lesson I had just taught. But as the children left the classroom instead of pride at a well-taught lesson I felt an aching sadness. In my dream I could feel the Savior's rebuke that I had missed the most important part of the lesson of the lepers. I could see myself diseased, bruised, and hurting but I looked normal on the outside. No one that looked at me could see the wounds that I carried. I could see that the others around me had unnoticeable secret wounds as well. I yearned to be healed and to be clean. I wanted to be with my family but knew I could not find them. I was utterly hopeless.
I startled awake with cold regret washing over me. I would not teach these children again next week. The primary class was not mine, I was just a substitute. I would not get to tell them that the story of the ten lepers was not just about gratitude and thank you notes, it was about the Atonement; that each of us walks around in life with wounds, and sores, and missing parts. For some of us the wounds are visible, but for most of us the wounds are not on our physical bodies. Our spirits are wounded and bruised, sometimes from our own actions and choices. Sometimes our bruises come from the actions and choices of others. Like the lepers there is no hope for us, there is no medicine or procedure to cure us, even with all the fabulous modern methods that we have now, there is no hope for us to be with our families again except through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. "For it is expedient that an atonement should be made; for according to the great plan of the Eternal God there must be an atonement made, or else all mankind must unavoidably perish; yea, all are hardened; yea, all are fallen and are lost, and must perish except it be through the atonement which it is expedient should be made."[4]
Of course this dream has prompted me to ponder the Atonement of Jesus Christ and to think more about the scripture account of the lepers found in Luke 17. All ten lepers were healed. They were physically cured of the disease of leprosy, but only to the Samaritan leper who returned to give thanks did Jesus say, "thy faith hath made the whole."[5] I do not believe that the other nine men were "un-healed" or afflicted with leprosy again. So there must be a difference between being healed and being made whole. In the Guide to the Scriptures we learn that "to be whole" is synonymous with "to be complete or fully developed" or in other words to be made perfect through Christ's grace and Atonement.[6] In addition to developing a spirit of gratitude, what do we need to become whole? Jesus told the Samaritan leper that his faith had made him whole. Consider also the story of the woman plagued with an issue of blood. After touching the hem of Jesus's clothes she was healed and Jesus turned to her saying, "Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole."[7] This is the kind of faith in Jesus that He can and He will deliver us. This is faith in Christ as our Savior—He who saves us from the consequences of the fall, and as our Redeemer—He who pays the consequences of our sins and fulfills justice. It is deeper than faith in general—like the faith that if we study hard we can do well on our exams, or even the faith that Jesus is our benevolent big brother who wishes us well. It is different than the faith in Christ as the Lord of Hosts that will fight our battles.
Elder Robert D. Hales explained, "Only faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His Atonement can bring us peace, hope, and understanding. Only faith that He suffered for our sakes will give us the strength to endure to the end. When we gain this faith, we experience a mighty change of heart."[8] Alma emphasized this faith when he asked, "Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who created you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith, and view this mortal body raised in immortality, and this corruption raised in incorruption, to stand before God to be judged according to the deeds which have been done in the mortal body?"[9] How does such faith in the roles of Jesus as Savior and Redeemer affect us? On lds.org it says, "Having faith in Jesus Christ means relying completely on Him—trusting in His infinite power, intelligence, and love. It includes believing His teachings. It means believing that even though we do not understand all things, He does."[10] This is the faith that motivates and guides our actions and our choices. This is the faith that makes us turn to the Lord and ask for healing. This faith leads us to repentance and gives us the motivation to make daily consistent righteous choices. Armed with faith we speak kindly to our grouchy roommate. We accept callings, even though we are uncertain about our abilities, like nursery leader, gospel doctrine teacher, or bishop. We come to church even though it is easier to stay home with the cranky toddler. As we cultivate this faith we are led to make and keep sacred covenants to bind ourselves to the Savior and Redeemer. To become whole we need a spirit of gratitude and faith in our Redeemer, and like the ten lepers, we must plead with the Lord for healing and for strength.
In Alma 37:37 we read, "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day."
Consider the story of Enos. I think he was a lot like you and me. We have been taught the gospel and he too had been taught "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." One day as he thought about eternity and life and joy, his soul hungered and he cried out in "mighty prayer and supplication." Like the Samaritan leper and the woman with the issue of blood, Enos was told that his faith in Christ had made him whole.[11] He then began to pray for others, starting with his people, the Nephites. He prayed that if all else failed their records would be preserved. He then prayed that the Lamanites would not be destroyed. Why did he do that? Didn't he know that the Lord had already promised several prophets that he would preserve the Nephite records and the Lamanite people? Perhaps not because the Lord does tell him. In verse 18 we read, "And the Lord said unto me: Thy fathers have also required of me this thing; and it shall be done unto them according to their faith; for their faith was like unto thine."
I wondered how Enos would have prayed for the exact thing that prophets had prayed for, for the things that the Lord had already promised. As we pray in faith and gratitude our desires change from our will to what the Lord desires.
In the Bible dictionary it states, "Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.... We pray in Christ's name when our mind is the mind of Christ, and our wishes the wishes of Christ—when His words abide in us (John 15:7). We then ask for things it is possible for God to grant. Many prayers remain unanswered because they are not in Christ's name at all; they in no way represent His mind but spring out of the selfishness of man's heart."
As we live in "Thanksgiving daily,"[12] act in faith, and pray sincerely in Christ's name, we then can become what the Lord wants us to become—and what the Lord sees for us is always better than what we can see for ourselves.
Let's think about our beginnings. We are each born into a family and we grow and learn. Our childhood and teen years are a time where we focus on ourselves—necessarily so—as we learn to eat, drink, walk, talk, and love. We learn math and reading, winning, and losing. We learn the stories of Jesus and the Primary answers. We learn to get along with others even when they are annoying. We learn to drive, and to work, and to study, and more, all while being supported and encouraged by our parents who we rarely thank for changing our diapers.
Then comes a time for a change in our focus. If we willfully choose to stay in the self-focused stage of life, we become selfish. Our progression is stopped no matter how many things we can check off our personal "bucket list." We are like the rich ruler that approached Christ. He had kept the commandments. He wanted eternal life, but when Jesus told him to give his possessions to the poor and follow Him, the ruler turned away sorrowfully.[13] We too find only sorrow as we turn from our Lord to our selfish desires.
The Savior is the Master Teacher. He teaches with history, words, and parables. He teaches by example, providing a perfect example to follow. And He provides experiences in our lives that lead us to Him and help us come to know Him better, promising each of us that, "All things shall work together for your good."[14] It is essential that we come to know Him because He is the only way we can be made whole.
May I share a little about how I recently realized that I have been taught by the Savior. For some the change from self-focus begins during a mission, where the hard work of being a disciple is practiced. For me it began at college. But first a little background, I grew up in a family with three girls. We had no close neighbors, especially no boy neighbors. By the time I was in college I realized that talking to men, especially young unmarried men, especially cute, young unmarried men, about non-academic subjects made me nervous, which definitely does not help on lonely Friday nights. I knew I needed to improve my communication skills so I decided to practice. I began to practice by talking to one cute young unmarried man who occasionally came to visit in my apartment. His name was Tom. While I did begin by helping with his math homework, I also worked on talking about non-academic subjects. Practice seemed to be going well, even though once I said "hi" on campus and he totally ignored me. He started showing up in my Physical Science class and his apartment visits became more frequent. Soon we moved to dating, but I had goals and plans and I was just practicing after all. I remained oblivious.
You know that sometimes promptings from the Holy Ghost come as a quiet whisper, or a burning in your heart. One day as I was walking up to campus I received a prompting in a very different way, more like a slushy snowball to the back of the head and the strong, loud words in my mind, "If the Lord wants you to marry Tom Wagner you had better get ready to marry Tom Wagner." Later, thankfully, more gentle confirmations from the Spirit followed.
As I willingly chose to marry Tom, I literally took upon myself a new name, his name. I was identified as his, just as he was identified as mine. My focus changed from a self-focus to an us-focus. Not perfectly of course, but we were united and what seemed important to me had changed. Many experiences followed leading us to paths and vistas we never would have or could have had alone. We had the excruciating and wonderful experience of giving birth to five children, watching them grow, learn, and struggle. As parents, as adults we look around us and say in effect, "Bucket list-Smucket list. For these that I love—my family—I would give my all. I will give every effort every day. I would give my life for these." And we realize it is the hardest, but best thing in the world.
As I looked back at this experience, the spirit taught me that in my life it is a type of uniting in purpose with Christ. To unite in purpose with Christ we sometimes fear to give up self, our selfish goals, or our bucket list. But as we take upon us His name willingly we become part of something new. It is not always easy, but it is always better than what we saw for ourselves. Like King Lamoni's father we can choose to give up our sins,[15] like pettiness, pride, and jealously. We can choose to bury our weapons of war and submit our will to the will of the Lord. It is the only way.
However, just because we have a spirit of gratitude, faith in the Savior, and pray sincerely does not mean we will not have trials and hard times. We learn and grow from the experiences we have here in mortality. I grew up with wonderful parents that exemplified the gospel. My mother taught Spanish and my father was a civil engineer. My father was big and strong. When I was young I loved to have him throw me up in the air then catch me laughing. He carried me on his shoulders and showed me the world. Later he carried his grandchildren the same way.
When I was about six I realized that he was one of the kindest people in the world. One day as we stood in line for an ice cream cone he left me with my sister and walked past the angry customers to the front of the line. He quietly told the frustrated clerk that he would pay the difference between the handful of pennies a messy little boy had spread on the counter and the food the boy had ordered. It was a small thing really, maybe a few dollars, but it made a huge impact on me. I first began to understand the love of the Savior because of the love my father showed.
About a month ago my father died. We had 12 hours from the time that the Life Flight helicopter landed at the hospital for my family to gather. Machines surrounded his bed in the critical care unit. They buzzed and cried out while they traced the electronic patterns of his failing body. At the end, I stood at his bedside with my mother and my sisters, my husband and my children, and we wept. At that moment everything else fell away—all concern with pretense, or positions, or possessions did not matter. The only things that remained important were the covenants that held my family together and the Savior's victory over death.
The next Friday, after work, I walked along the snow-packed streets of Rexburg. I would like to thank the many BYU-Idaho students who stopped to offer me a ride. I'm sure I looked cold walking in the snow and slush, but despite the skirt I was wearing I just felt the need to walk and think. No one could see the invisible hurt and sorrow I was carrying. When I looked up through the swirling flakes I could see the temple, creamy white in the snow. But instead of peace, questions machine-gunned into my mind, not because I doubt, but because I hurt. Where was my father? Is the gospel real? Can these covenants really keep us safe? How will I help my mother? Where is hope? Will this winter ever end? By the time I got home I was numb, even more in my heart than in my toes. I talked, walked, made dinner, and slept numb.
In the morning the sun rose. Outside, as I ran past the snowfields, answers came. Past the despair and pain that seemed to hang in the air, I could breathe in the hope given through the Atonement. Through the Savior's sacrifice my heart could beat, my lungs could fill, and blood could circulate without collapsing under the weight of forever losing someone I loved, because of the Atonement; because of the covenants my father and mother made and spent their lives keeping; because of the covenants I have made and am striving to keep, we can be united as a family again. The Savior and Redeemer knows perfectly how to succor us.
Alma taught that Jesus Christ "...shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities...the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance"[16]
Like the lepers in Jesus's time, there is only one way, there is only one hope for me, and for you, to be healed, to be made clean, and to be made whole. It is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We must remember Him and we must remember the price He paid through His unfathomable suffering. We must turn to Him and plead for His help having faith that He will deliver us. We must show our gratitude and love by obeying His laws and making and keeping sacred covenants. There is no other choice that matters and no other way. Nephi told us the Lord "...loveth those who will have him to be their god."[17] We must choose Him.
As we turn to the Lord it is vital that we remember His sacrifice for us. When I was younger I shied away from thinking about Christ's suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane, the cruelty of His trial, and the agony He suffered on the cross. It seemed gruesome and so sad. Yet the resurrected Lord called direct attention to the nail prints in His hands and feet and the piercing in His side that He still bares. He invited his disciple Thomas and the thousands of Nephites to "thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet." And why did He do this? "That ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world."[18] He revealed to Joseph Smith the suffering that he endured so that we would not have to suffer the price of justice for our sins.
"For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I; Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink."[19] We sing with our primary children, "It shouldn't be hard to sit very still and think about Jesus, his cross on the hill, and all that he suffered and did for me; it shouldn't be hard to sit quietly."[20] We, and even small children, must remember and ponder Christ's suffering because even a partial understanding of the Atonement that He made for our sins incites us to turn to Him, to plead with our Father in Heaven for help and hope through Him, to turn to Him in gratitude and obedience. With even our limited understanding, we are moved to learn what He would have us learn, to do what He would have us do, and to become what He would have us become.
I testify that He lives and He loves you. He is the creator of our world. He is the only begotten of the Father—the baby who fulfilled prophecies born of a mortal mother. He lived a perfect life and provided us a perfect example. He is the master teacher, the healer, the rest giver, the forgiver of sins, the master of elements, the keeper of covenants. He came to earth to suffer, to be rejected, to die and to rise again. He took upon Himself our pains, our sorrow, our sins and bore the unbearable price to rescue us. He died and rose again on the third day, conquering death and forever changing the world. He is our advocate with the Father who stands betwixt you and justice.[21] One day He will come again to reign in glory on the earth. All of this because He knows you and because He loves you. This is the testimony I leave with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Notes
[1] April 2014 Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Grateful in Any Circumstances," Ensign, May 2014
[2] "Once There Was a Snowman," Children's Songbook, 249
[3] "Do As I'm Doing," Children's Songbook, 276
[4] Alma 34:9
[5] Luke 17:19
[6] www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/perfect?lang=eng&letter=p
[7] Matthew 9:22
[8] Robert D. Hales, "Finding Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ," Ensign, November 2004
[9] Alma 5:15
[10] www.lds.org/topics/faith?lang=eng
[11] Enos 1:1-8
[12] Alma 34:38
[13] Luke 18:18-23
[14] Doctrine and Covenants 90:24
[15] Alma 22:15-18
[16] Alma 7:11-13
[17] 1 Nephi 17:40
[18] 3 Nephi 11:14
[19] Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-18
[20] "To Think About Jesus," Children's Songbook, 71
[21] Mosiah 15:9