Ryan Buttars’ father passed away when Buttars was only five years old. Then, during his junior and senior years of high school, his mother was arrested and sentenced to life in prison for a capital crime.
Seventeen years would pass before the Innocence Project would succeed in getting his mother released and exonerated.
Buttars struggled paying rent in the months following his mother’s arrest. The then-high school student moved into his car after he was evicted from his studio apartment.
Buttars said he would shower in the morning at the local gym, attend high school during the day and work in the evening, so he could afford gas and food.
“I just felt like, ‘I can blame everything on my circumstances.’ And so, I was basically an object to be acted upon,” he said in an interview with BYU-Idaho Radio.
Buttars lived in Logan, Utah at the time. Missionaries of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints would often knock on his door throughout his life, which acquainted him with the religion. Buttars would add each Book of Mormon he was given onto a pile of the books in his bedroom.
Buttars said the missionaries hadn’t made a significant impact on him, until he met one elder missionary, Elder Cluff.
“He just really affected me. And he left, went back home and I never did commit to any more appointments with the other missionaries, but the seed he planted in me … just made me think different,” he said.
As a homeless young adult, Buttars sought God again when he prayed one night in his tent to know if God was there and if He knew him.
“There was kind of a breaking point for me, kind of a rock bottom, where I’m like, ‘Why is my life this way?’ I went and found a spot to pray and basically bore my heart and soul out in prayer, as hard as I could, so hard my body was shaking,” he said.
Buttars did not perceive any answer to his prayer and, in disappointment and anger, threw his one set of scriptures into a nearby dumpster the next morning.
Years passed since Buttars had those experiences, but he always remembered the positive feeling he had when he learned from the missionaries.
Buttars eventually met Tennessa, a woman who had also faced adversity throughout her life. They immediately became best friends and were married soon after. They are now the parents of seven children.
Tennessa had grown up as a member of the Church. Although she had become inactive, she decided to return, and encouraged Buttars to attend church with her.
“She started going back to church, realizing we were missing that … Christ-centered life. My transition was slower than that. I kind of watched her example and I was like, ‘She’s changing. What do I need to do to get to this point?’” Buttars said.
With the persistence of his ward’s Elders Quorum president and Buttars’ desire to learn more, Buttars was baptized into the Church.
As the couple prepared to be sealed in the temple for time and for all eternity, Buttars decided to receive his patriarchal blessing.
Although the patriarch had not known Buttars at all previously, the first words of his blessing were, “Ryan, the Lord’s eye is upon you. You are not by any means lost to His sight. He has known you from the beginning.”
That is why, when Buttars was asked to give a devotional talk at BYU-Idaho, he knew the title of his talk would be “You Have Never Been Lost to His Sight.”
“I look at our family today and the many ways the Lord has guided our lives,” Buttars said in his talk. “Although we have battled our fair share of ups and downs, I cannot deny that He is there, that He is aware of us and that He loves us.”
You can listen to more messages from upcoming devotionals on KBYI 94.3 FM or stream them live on Tuesdays at 11:30 a.m. here.