We were on a humanitarian missionary assignment to Romania right after the fall of the Berlin wall. By invitation, I taught classes to medical and helping professionals at the neuropsychiatric hospital in Bucharest. The lecture room was cold in the winter but they came in large numbers to learn. Most had not been taught helping theories and skills for forty years. One day hospital administrators came to say they needed our room. I said, "That is fine. We will continue next week." But the class said, "No. No, we will find another place." And they did.
It was an unused building at the other end of the large complex. I believe it had not been heated all winter. As my husband Harold helped me fill the van with our audio/visual equipment, I said, " It is too far and too cold--the class will not walk all that way." But as we drove along the main road, we looked over and saw them--trudging along in the snow through the campus. Soon they were seated in the cold and vacant building, wearing coats, hats, boots, scarves and some with mittens, pencils in hand. They were waiting to be taught. As we were setting up our equipment, we noticed the leader of the group was also searching for an electrical outlet that worked. She had an old, small, hotplate in her hand, the kind with the little wire coil as the element. And I thought, "These people are so innovative." She is going to keep warm with that hot plate. As I was beginning to teach, I noticed her coming toward me. She put the hot plate down by my feet. "There," she said, "It is not much, but I hope it will keep you a little warm while you teach us." And I was the one who was taught--the great blessing of selfless service, given with a willing heart, no matter the sacrifice of the contribution.
Lehi told of a dream wherein he saw a magnificent tree shedding its leaves over the children of men, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy. He said the fruit was sweet above all he had ever before tasted and filled his soul with great joy. His son, Nephi prayed to know of the interpretation of the dream. His prayer was answered through a visitation from an angel. Nephi was first shown the tree. Then, in vision, the angel showed him the birth of the Savior, Jesus Christ and His ministry unto the people. Nephi saw multitudes of people who were sick and who were healed by the power of the Lamb of God. He saw the Savior lifted up on the cross and slain for the sins of the world. The angel then asked Nephi, "Knowest thou the meaning of the tree which thy father saw?" Nephi understood and replied, "Yea it is the Love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; it is most desirable above all things." The angel added, " and the most joyous to the soul."
We learn more about this love in Moses 1: 39 where the Lord declares: "This is my work and my Glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." It took me years to realize the Lord was hoping I would help. The sacrament prayers spoke of it--of my covenant, of my willingness to remember Him, take upon me the name of Christ and follow Him. President Spencer W. Kimball said, "The Lord answers our prayers but it is usually through another person that he meets our needs." How might I be that other person? How might I help?
I sought to learn more about the Savior and how He prepared Himself. The scriptures teach that He learned obedience by the things, which He suffered. He walked among the people, healing, blessing and lifting those in need. In Alma we learn the Savior took upon Him the pains of His people and their infirmities that His bowels may be filled with mercy that He may know how to succor His people. At the time of His great sacrifice, he first looked to heaven and followed the will of His Heavenly Father. He drank the bitter cup--and filled a better cup overflowing with the gifts of his learning, his growth, his servant's heart, and his tender love which envelope, protect and bless us. He also allowed for us to experience trials, grow over challenges and not weaken us by a constant rescue.
If we truly want to follow and help Him bless the lives of others, we will learn and grow to be Christlike--to fill our cups to overflowing with resources. We will learn, not by noon tomorrow, not in one giant leap, but "line upon line and precept upon precept, here a little and there a little." We too will learn by the things that we suffer, by our trials and challenges. They are most important; for it is through them we grow in empathy, tenderness and in a merciful desire to succor others. Sometimes rush to help them. In our practicing, we will look heavenward and plead, "Father, teach us." We will ask His counsel and follow His will. Alma taught his son, "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and He will direct thee for good." President Eyring shared, that when he partakes of the sacrament he is impressed with, "the names and faces of people He would have me serve for Him." We too will not shrink from helping spread the precious fruit of the tree--the Love of God. Albeit in our own weak way! It won't be the first time the Lord has used the weak, and even made weak things become strong. And we will find it is a joy to receive the gifts from the Savior's cup, but even more joyous to the soul to help bestow them.
University is a significant learning laboratory. Through this educational opportunity we refine our talents and magnify skills. We practice using them, alone or in teams, in order to assist others. We care for our minds and our bodies as a resource for our efforts. We prepare to bless people through choosing vocations and gaining knowledge. My husband taught our children to select a vocation they love, one where they can hardly wait to go to work each morning. We can better help people when we love what we do. We want to study much and make the very most of it. As my father taught me, "Eat your hard bread while your teeth are good." We choose vocations to bless and provide for our families, with a goal of having a little extra to save and to share. Here at university, we truly fill our cup.
A common distraction is our continual and futile attempt to measure our worth and growth against the illusive and impossible goal of perfectionism. That standard of measurement is based upon unrealistic expectations of others and even ourselves. We editorialize and judge our every action, weighing it against what would others do, or have already done. Then we mourn over what think we could have, should have, might have done better. We jump up and down on the trampoline going nowhere. A trampoline is a vertical continuum of doubt and discouragement. We say, "Yes I think I am good enough. No I'm not! I will never be good enough--or at least compared to others." It is a full time assignment. We turn inward, obsessed with ourselves. Such an activity is tiring and fruitless. Perfectionism is a lie, a counterfeit for perfection. We have been counseled to choose realistic goals and efforts toward learning and growing--taking a step at a time, being patient with ourselves and being just a little better every day. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Don't nag at yourselves. Go forward in life with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye." We can learn much from our mistakes, especially if we don't use them against ourselves in negative personal judgment. Excellence is peacefully pursued, by choice, toward an obtainable goal. Joshua was counseled of the Lord to, "Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." We are sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally. We simply already are persons of worth, with unique gifts and talents, and as my four-year-old nephew would say, "With all the component parts."
One of the most meaningful areas of growth comes in learning to relate to others. We may have something in our cup to give, but most often, relationship skills pave the way for our contribution to be accepted. We have roommates or classmates or spouses in our university laboratory with whom we can refine our abilities to reach out in kindness and respect. This is our time to leave "self-focus" behind the "what have you done for me lately, and what is my place in the group?" It's our time to say, "How can I help you feel belonging and important and encouraged. One of the best ways to encourage others is to notice their positive effort. It literally invites confidence that leads to more positive effort. Personal criticism implied verbally or nonverbally, invites discouragement and negative behavior. Let's not wait for others to meet our mark or present a wonderful performance. We don't usually have too many great performances in our lives, but we all make a whole bunch of positive effort.
I remember a young Relief Society president who was especially talented and attractive. The president brought to meeting a woman who had never been in our group before. She appeared dowdy and shy by comparison to the president but was introduced with such joy and enthusiasm and the noting of her talents that we all wanted to get to know her. In that environment the woman literally blossomed.
Gifts from our cup can be most delicious when given in a corner. When I was sixteen years old my ankle was smashed in a car accident of my own making. The good old doctor in our little town of Cardston was about to retire, but he graciously returned that evening to see what he could do. He worked hard but afterward told my Mother, that although he was able to form it to look almost like an ankle, it was unlikely it would ever bend. Some weeks later, after the cast was off, my dear mother quietly went to work. Many times a day and for many weeks she filled a basin with water, as hot as I could stand, and soaked my ankle. She would then sit in front of me, put my foot on a towel on her lap and unwearyingly try to work the joints. In that little bedroom day after day a miracle began to happen--my ankle began to bend.
We are not usually expected to sacrifice all that we have, like the widow who gave her mites, or the widow who gave her last oil and meal to bake a cake for Elijah. But often the gift can be just as tender. After a particular surgery, I fell into a deep depression. I understood the symptoms and tried to handle it alone. One evening I found myself sitting on a chair in our bedroom, unable to walk the few feet to the bed. When my dear husband entered, I explained to him about depression. I said that I would not likely make it till morning as I had so little energy and felt I was sinking fast. He replied softly, "You will make it. I will help you to the bed and stay right by you until morning, when we will call the doctor." And he did.
There were two great men in Church History who were at different stages in their developmental process toward maturity. The period of time was when the saints needed to leave Kirtland and sell or leave, not just the property of the Church, but their own as well. One of the two men found it difficult to leave. It was hard for him; He held on. The Lord said of him, that he should be "ashamed of all his littleness of soul before me," that he should not, covet the drop and neglect the more weighty matters. My heart cringed as I thought of my own, "littleness of soul." I did not want the Savior of the world to ever look at me as this shriveled, prunish, selfish, little soul. I read of the other man who was left behind as an agent to sell the properties of the church. Economic times were difficult. He was not so successful as he would have liked, but he willingly gave it his all. Of him, the Lord says, "when he falls he shall rise again, for his sacrifice shall be more sacred unto me than his increase" That brother's personal sacrifice was more sacred to the Lord, who understands sacrifice, than even his increase.
Shortly after we returned from our mission in the Philippines, we discovered that our next-door grandson, Cameron, had acquired a dog--a big dog--that he dearly loved. His name was George. Cameron did everything with that dog. He was his buddy. As the months wore on that dog took over Cameron's yard and our "absentee yard" for "his territory". He would defend it to the death and he just about did because when my husband returned after his mission excited to work in the yard again, George was determined to discourage him. Now Harold had had a dog, so surely they could be friends, but when George began stalking him and with teeth-revealing growls, Harold became uncomfortable. Cameron was so hoping for the best but he could see that Grandpa was concerned about leaving the house. In Cameron's mind, he had a choice to make--it was either Grandpa or the dog. As hard as it was, there was only one choice for Cameron--he gave up his dog.
What we have in our cups becomes our resource for personal sacrifice whether of the heart or otherwise. Even as we contribute, we are counseled to remain self-reliant. That is to stay strong--physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even financially. In the very same address where King Benjamin pleads with us not to turn away the beggar temporally or spiritually, he also advises us that it would be well to retain, "sufficient that ye remain from day to day." The pioneers did not use all of their yeast each time they baked but set aside a little as a "starter" to grow more yeast for the next time. Self- reliance is our yeast from which we grow our resources, refill our cups and have something more to contribute. We are to have balance. That is why, even as we are diligent in our efforts to bless others--we are to "see that all things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite to run faster than [we] have strength."
We learn so much through our time at the University but most of all we learn HOW to fill our cups. The "How" opens a door to life-long education and motivation which continually rejuvenates our opportunities and heartfelt devotion to others. Elder Richard G. Scott promised, "When we obey the commandments and serve His children unselfishly, the natural consequence is power from God--power to do more than we can do by ourselves. Our insights, our talents, our abilities are expanded because we receive strength and power from the Lord."
One glorious day, my daughter called to say she had been given an opportunity to go with her dear friend who was on the Primary General Board to a General Relief Society meeting in the Conference Center. And joy of joys, I had been invited too! The board member had planned to take her mother who was later unable to go. We needed to go early because the third ticket--mine--was to be brought to the Center by another sister whose mother was not able to go. We did. We went early. We waited by the door of the Center for sometime, allowing others to go in front of us. I knew the board member needed to be inside by a half hour before the meeting, and so I pled with her to take my daughter and go in. I would be fine. She had made the arrangements and was the only one who knew the sister with my ticket and so she resisted. Just before the meeting was to start, the sister, who had some difficulties in getting there, came, and so our dear friend retrieved the ticket. We started into the Center only to be told we needed to go to the back of the line. Again she graciously stayed with us until we were invited to enter, and she led us to our prescribed seating. I was embarrassed to look up. The huge room was full. In my mind, the members of the First Presidency were seated directly in front of us and looking right at us. I'm certain we were the only moving people in the Conference Center and going right down to the front at that. No sooner were we seated than the Relief Society General president arose to conduct the meeting. Later, I told someone that I was embarrassed, not so much for me, but for having to make that dear board member arrive on the very hour. My friend laughed and said tenderly, "I'm sure the members of the First Presidency were just glad you made it."
I was touched by the powerfully sweet spirit and teachings of that meeting. And I was deeply touched that it was all was made possible for me because of a gracious friend and her gift of love. Again, I was taught the great blessing of selfless service, given with a willing heart, no matter the sacrifice in the contribution.
I humbly bear witness of the Savior Jesus Christ, the love of God, and of the joy of receiving the fruit of that love. I further bear witness that it is in the gathering and bestowal of those gifts where we are truly blessed and come to know what is "most joyous to the soul."
Notes
Scriptures:
- 1Nephi 8:10-12
- 1Nephi 11:8-24,31-33
- Moses 1:39
- D&C 20:77
- Alma 7:11,12
- D&C 128:21
- Alma 37:37
- Joshua 1:9
- Mark 12:43,44
- 1Kgs. 17:12-15
- D&C 117:8,11-13
- Mosiah 4:16,24,26,27
Articles:
- Spencer W. Kimball, "Small Acts of Service", Ensign, December 1974, 5
- Henry B. Eyring, "He is Risen"Ensign, April 2013, 4
- Gordon B.Hinckley, "Lord Increase Our Faith"Ensign, November 1987
- Richard G. Scott, "For Peace at Home", Ensign, May 2013, 29