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How Can I Know?

I once read a story about a place called the Cave of Truth. A group of students heard about it. The name intrigued them because they yearned for truth. They inquired about its location, obtained a map, and then set out in search of the cave. After a long and difficult journey they arrived at a deep cavern near the top of a high mountain.

At the entrance sat an old man guarding the way. They approached him and asked if this was the place they had heard about--if it really was the Cave of Truth. He assured them that it was. They asked if they could go in. "Of course," he said, "But first I need to know how deeply into the cave you want to go?" At this question they withdrew and had a discussion among themselves. Then they returned and said, "Well, we would like to enter and go in at least far enough that we can say we have been here." 

So it was with Naaman. He heard of a prophet in Israel who could heal. After a long and difficult journey from Syria to Samaria he came and stood at Elisha's door. He was prepared to pay ten talents of silver and six thousand pieces of gold to be healed (or for truth as it were). But when the prophet sent a servant to instruct him what to do he became angry and "turned and went away."[1] 

Similarly, Moses invited the children of Israel to know God. But they hardened their hearts and chose to not accept the higher law and the truth associated with it.[2]   

Jesus asked the multitude mourning the death of the daughter of Jairus to believe. "They laughed him to scorn."  So he put them all out and only Peter, James and John, and the girl's believing parents were privileged to see her raised from the dead. Those outside were unaware of what occurred within.[3] 

And once the prophet Joseph called Sidney Rigdon and Parley P. Pratt to help him recruit "the young and the middle aged" to be part of the Zion Camp march. After the recruiting was over, Parley joined Joseph in the march to Missouri.  Sidney didn't.  He chose not to go. He missed out on the truth and testimony that he could have had and his decision would haunt him forever.[4] 

And so it is with you. There is so much accumulated wisdom at this university. It is a great repository of truth. You are in constant contact with wonderful teachers who know the gospel well. You are so surrounded by excellence and knowledge that you probably take them for granted.  But how far into the cave do you want to go? 

And how do you know if you have gone far enough? How do you know if your faith is strong enough? How do any of us know if we are humble enough, or submissive enough, or home enough, or if we have loved enough? 

And what if the cave were the "Cave of Testimony"? What if we go in half-heartedly or turn back just past the doorway because the way is narrow and the light is dim? How do we know if we have gone in far enough? To borrow a metaphor from childhood, how do we know whether our testimony is built of straw, sticks or bricks? 

These are important questions because testimony is the house we build to shelter us from the storm. And we can't afford to kid ourselves by standing in the entryway saying, "We have been there!" or "Don't worry. I will always have a testimony" or "My testimony is as strong as anyone else's," or "I don't need to go on a mission to have a testimony." 

I know that each of us here today has a testimony of, or at least a belief in, the truthfulness of the gospel. So let's talk about our testimonies. 

Testimony is one of the most used (and sometimes misused) words in the Church. It is not a scriptural term. The scriptural word, and perhaps a better one, is witness. A witness is one who testifies. Testimony is what a witness says. 

As I have worried about strengthening testimony it has been helpful to look to my experience as a lawyer. In the courts there are essentially three kinds of witnesses.

  1. Eyewitnesses - who testify about what they have seen or heard;  
  2. Expert witnesses - who testify on the basis of their study or experience; and
  3. Parties to a legal action - These are witnesses who, on a limited basis, are allowed to testify about how they felt when something happened to them. They may have been injured or felt pain. They know that they have been hurt. But in a court of law, a jury will not be allowed to give much credence to their testimony because it is considered to be self-serving and is difficult to corroborate.There are similar kinds of witnesses in the Church. 

1. There are eyewitnesses - who testify of what they have seen or heard.

In the Church, however, those who have seen don't always testify. There are those on earth, (and I say this in all seriousness) who have seen God or have experienced the ministering of angels and do not speak about it. Not because the experience is secret or would not stand scrutiny, but rather because it is so sacred and personal that it cannot be shared without the permission of the one who gave it to them. It is not theirs to give again.  Let me give you an illustration. 

When I practiced law one of my partners was Marion G. Romney's son. His grand father George Samuel Romney was once president of this university. Marion G. was then in the First Presidency of the Church. One day my friend and I spoke of deeply spiritual things. We wondered, as perhaps some of you have, how many people in the history of the world had seen the Savior. I remember saying that if anyone on earth at the time had, it would most likely be President Romney. 

I said to my partner, "Have you ever asked him?" "No. Not really," he replied. I said, "Why don't you? You are his son. He will surely tell you." He thought a moment and said, "All right, I will. We have a family home evening scheduled with dad next Sunday night. If the opportunity presents itself I'll ask him." 

I could scarcely wait for the week to end. The following Monday, early in the morning, I stood in the doorway of his office and said, "Well?" "Well what?" he asked. "Well. Did you ask him?"  I said. "Come in and close the door," he replied. I went in and sat down.He laughed and said, "Yes. I did ask him. And do you know what he said to me--his own son?" "Tell me," I said. "Well, when I asked him if he had ever seen the Savior my father just looked at me and said, 'Not to speak of son. Not to speak of.'" 

If we seek this kind of testimony, we are likely to be disappointed. Just as it would be a mistake to believe that if you haven't seen something, then no one else has either; so also it is a mistake to believe that you can have a Burning Bush or Sacred Grove kind of experience just because Moses or Joseph did. Those who do, attempt to counsel the Lord and fail to realize that, as C.S. Lewis once wrote, "It would be rash to say that there is any prayer which God never grants. But the strongest candidate is the prayer we might express in the single word "encore."[5] 

2. There are also expert witnesses in the Church - Those who testify about what they know from study or experience.

In reality though, in the Church there are two kinds of expert witness - the false and the true. 

The false are those who attempt to prove spiritual things by secular scholarship. These are sometimes the authors of books about the last days, or the self-appointed researchers of old journals who seek to explain sacred temple ordinances, or clarify what it means to have one's calling and election made sure. They seem to want to force the disclosure of spiritual truth and get a testimony by the power of their own intellects or reason. In this they will always fail. 

The other kind of expert witness in the Church is the one who after much study and prayer has come to understand the revelations and to be taught by the Spirit. This university is full of such witnesses. The General Authorities all stand as such witnesses. Even the rest of us, the most ordinary members of the Church, after sincere searching will be taught by the Spirit and can know and testify about spiritual truth. Again, if you will forgive a personal reference, let me give you an example. 

For more than forty years I travelled the world. After I was called as a General Authority, I began to be concerned about our three younger children. There were times when I was not home much and I knew they needed to spend more time with their father.  So one family home evening I announced a new grand bargain. If they would keep the rules, help their mother when I was gone, get to bed on time, and do their home work, once a year I would take each of them individually with me on assignment. At my own expense--anywhere in the world I was going, they could each come with me. 

Oh my! Were they excited? Did I really mean it? Anywhere? They wanted my schedule and began to plan their trips. And they knew where they wanted to go. They began alphabetically: Alaska, the headwaters of the Amazon, Anaheim, California, etc. 

At the time our son Paul was twelve years old. He was gifted athletically but not spiritually. He had never born his testimony. I wondered if he ever would. But he decided that he wanted to go with me to Mexico. I told him he could but that he would have to bear his testimony there. He said, "Then I won't go." 

I had a scheduled conference in Mexico City. As the date drew near my son again asked if he could go with me. I said, "Sure. But you will have to bear your testimony." He was adamant, "Then I won't go." 

The time came to order the tickets; again he asked if he had to talk. I said yes. He said, "Does it have to be in Spanish?" I said, "Yes." He sighed and reluctantly said, "O.K." I called the mission president. He also had a twelve-year-old son. He agreed to pick us up at the airport and drive us to the conference. The boys could keep each other company. 

One of the meetings was in Celaya. The road we took was narrow and wound through the mountains.  As we started down the steep incline into town, the president suddenly braked the car. The road was blocked with a huge pile of logs and branches that had fallen from a rickety cart ahead of us. A woodcutter and his two sons were frantically trying to clear the road and reload their cart.  My son said, "Good! Now I don't have to talk." 

We shut off the car. We chatted a bit. The logjam didn't seem to be moving. Someone suggested that maybe we should help, so we did. And a kind of camaraderie developed on that mountain road between our sons, dressed in white shirts and ties, and the two barefoot wood gatherers. It just happened as bark filled their hair and sawdust covered their clothes. It took us about thirty minutes to pick up and restack the wood. 

When we finished, we said goodbye to our new friends, cleaned up as well as we could, and drove to Celaya. At a convenient moment in the conference I called on my son to bear his testimony. He stood behind the little pulpit and in gringo Spanish haltingly said, "Yo se que el Libro de Mormón es verdadero, porque lo he leído."

It was true. He knew the Book of Mormon was true because he had read it--in Spanish!  In painful, two verse at a time, early morning scripture study that our family had conducted for years, in English, and Spanish, and Portuguese, he had read it and he knew it was true. And to me what happened to my son Paul on that road to Celaya was just as important as what happened to his namesake Paul on the road to Damascus. And his testimony was just as valid. 

3. There are also personal witnesses in the Church - Those of us who testify about what we feel.

Just as in the courts, our feelings are often incapable of convincing others, but we know what we feel, and are willing to act upon it to the extent that we change our lives, pay tithing, go on missions, and do other things that people with testimonies do. 

Personal witness doesn't depend on visions or miraculous events. Its origin is, and will always be, the still small voice.  It is the foundation for greater spiritual experiences that come from time to time, usually unbidden, after our faith and obedience have been demonstrated. 

But when our testimonies are based on what we feel, we will always need to be vigilant because, unless we are living the gospel well enough so as to have the Holy Ghost as a reasonably constant companion, feelings can sometimes lead us astray. It is easy to confuse wants and desires with spiritual promptings and many a young man in the Church has confused infatuation with a "burning in the bosom." 

And even though you might feel otherwise, the Holy Spirit will never say, "You know enough. Your testimony is strong enough. You have read the scriptures enough. You've been to the cave, now you can rest." 

As Mark Twain reportedly said,  "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so."So I need to share another story about things we most certainly believe that are sometimes not true. A number of years ago I had an assignment to accompany President Spencer W. Kimball to a regional conference. We had many meetings. After the conference a lovely dinner was held in the Prophet's honor. Eighteen stake presidents and their wives, together with a few others were in attendance. We were assembled in a large banquet room with tables covered with white linen arranged in a square. I was seated about as far from the head table as you could get. My seatmate was a long time friend Jerry Cahill who represented the public affairs department of the Church. 

The master of ceremonies made a few remarks and turned the time over to the prophet. President Kimball rose to his feet, thanked everyone for their hospitality and then said, " I think I would like to hear from you. Would a representative of each of the couples please stand and tell me a little about yourselves, your families, and your experience in the Church." 

As the president was giving these instructions Brother Cahill whispered to me, "This is going to be so great! I was with him in another conference when he did this. I have never been in a more spiritual meeting in my life. After they are through speaking President Kimball will stand again and say, 'Now let me introduce myself to you. My name is Spencer W. Kimball.  Some say I am a prophet of God. Let me tell you a few things that have touched my soul today.'" 

Just then the master of ceremonies jumped to his feet and took the microphone from the prophet. He was certain he knew what God wanted. He was certain that he knew what would be best for the stake presidents and their wives. 

He said, "O we don't want to do that President. We can listen to them any time. We want to hear from you." President Kimball looked at him for a moment and said, "I think I'm feeling a little tired. I believe I would like to go to my room now." 

And while that master of ceremonies may have had a testimony of the gospel, he didn't have a testimony of obedience. Like Sidney Rigdon, he didn't know what it meant to sit at the feet of a prophet, and his certainty that he knew what the Prophet wanted, kept him from hearing what the Lord might otherwise have taught him. 

So how can we be sure that the Holy Ghost has prompted us, or whether our feelings have caused us to believe something that just isn't so? How do we know our testimonies are strong enough? I think that just asking the question helps. And it helps to remember that the only thing that keeps us from knowing more is the false certainty that we know enough. 

4. I also need to speak briefly about another kind of witness in the Church, the special or especial witness.

Long before I was called to the Seventy, even as long ago as when I was your age, I wondered what it meant to be a "special" or an "especial" witness.When I became a general authority I tried to understand what was expected of me as such a witness. I decided (and this was just my thought) that it meant that I should first be a faithful agent of the Savior and of the First Presidency and the Twelve. Then, that I should do, as well as I possibly could, the things that I had been asked to do; to teach, as well as I possibly could, the things given me to teach; and, to testify, under the direction of the Spirit, of some of the things, that I had seen and heard. 

In that spirit, with you my young brethren and sisters, I would like share a little part of my especial witness that I have never spoken about before. 

Many years ago, I received an assignment from the First Presidency to incorporate the Church in all of the countries of the western hemisphere. In the spring of one year I flew to El Salvador. At my own expense I took Sister Howard with me. We were looking for a lawyer to draft articles of incorporation and to help us register the Church in that land.  We went to the U.S. Embassy hoping they would recommend someone but instead were given a long list of almost one hundred attorneys with international corporate experience and no recommendation. 

Leaving the embassy, we went out and stood on the sidewalk and read through the three-page list. About halfway through the second page we saw the name Jose Enrique Rivera. We could pronounce it. He seemed to be as good a candidate as any. We found a taxi and gave the driver the address of his office in the Pan American Building. 

It was a time of civil unrest in El Salvador. When we arrived at the address we found the building in ruins. It was bombed, blackened, and empty. There was no forwarding address. I was disappointed and began to leaf through the list looking for another lawyer.My wife asked me what I was doing. When I told her she said, "but what if you were inspired to pick his name the first time?" I didn't want to admit that I wasn't so we went to a neighboring store and asked what had happened to the Pan American building and it's tenants. We were met with suspicion. "How should I know?" the proprietor said. After several inquiries in several places, we finally found someone who thought Mr. Rivera had moved into a building in a distant part of the city. 

It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. I grumbled that a lawyer was a lawyer and that anyone on the list could do the job equally as well. My wife ignored me. It took us the better part of the day to locate Jose Enrique Rivera. We finally did. We walked into his office unannounced in the early evening and asked for an appointment. I explained to a secretary what we wanted. She asked us to have a seat. We did. 

Latin lawyers are not noted for receiving their clients promptly and I expected that it would be midnight before he would see us. However, within five minutes we were ushered into his office. I introduced myself and explained what we needed. He reached into the lower right hand drawer of his desk and pulled out a complete ready to record set of Articles of Incorporation for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  We were stunned! 

Mr. Rivera explained that a few years before he met a missionary on a plane who told him that eventually the Church would come to El Salvador. He had felt impressed to draft some articles. When they were finished he kept them in his drawer feeling that someday someone would want them. 

And any time I am discouraged or wonder if God is in his heaven or if he is aware of his children or their needs, I look back on that afternoon and know that all is well and that He is in charge. If He wants me to know more He will tell me. If he wants to endure more, I pray that I may in some small measure rise to his expectations. To sum it up: 

We all start our lives with borrowed testimonies. But these will not sustain us when rain and floods come and beat upon us, as they surely will.  The storms will come whether we have built upon a rock or upon the sand.   

To build a stronger testimony, we need to emulate Abraham. We must want to know more and be better.[6]  We must be desirous of having spiritual adventures and actively seek out opportunities for adventuring. We need to go into the cave as far as we can go. (And that is the principal reason you are here on this campus) 

But we must have our own adventures and experiences, not someone else's, or testimony will not long withstand the storm.To keep a testimony, we must cultivate an eagerness of soul that hopes for things not yet felt, and discovers spiritual depths in ordinary tasks and errands. (For that is where testimony is most often found) 

And remember that certainty is sometimes incompatible with learning. After all it was uncertainty that allowed the heavens to part, that spring morning in the Grove. 

And we must realize that faith is the power that enables us to venture beyond the bounds of past experience, piercing the walls of certainty that surround us just enough that we can glimpse and then slip through to a brighter understanding of things we have never known before. 

May we so live!


Notes

[1] 2 Kings 5:11-12

[2] D&C 84:23-24

[3] Mark 5:21-43

[4] D&C 101

[5] C.S. Lewis, Letters To Malcolm, p.29, Fontana Books 1983

[6] Abraham 1:2