My attention was captured awhile back by a tee-shirt quote that said, "It's all about me. Deal with it." I've heard similar words in music and commercials. From day spas to credit cards the commercials want us to believe, "It is all about me." From country music to rap a recurring message is, "It's all about me." My son, Dallin, and I were visiting about this dangerous attitude a couple years ago. He told me about the beginning of one of his high school classes. The teacher had had a huge impact on him when she asked the students to write one note in particular in their notebook: "The world's biggest lie: It's all about me."
I can remember being taught this lesson many times in my life. Once, when I was in high school and we lived on a family farm in Buhl, Idaho. Our farm had a dairy, lots of row crops, some fruit trees, and three fish ponds. My father loved the fish ponds and he regularly invited Cub Scout groups or youth groups to come fishing. But the ponds took a lot of work. Before someone would come to fish we had to clean the weeds away from the edges of the ponds, make sure the water was clear and that any muddy irrigation water was diverted so that the area was clean and presentable for his fisherman friends. Anytime someone would come to fish, the whole family would join Dad and our guests. We would help them bait the hooks, teach them to use lures or counterfeit worms, how to hide the hook, how to cast the fishing pole or remove the snags, and we would talk to them while we sat and waited for the fish to bite.
On one occasion there were lots of little boys and their parents there fishing, and I was a little impatient. My "It's all about me" attitude showed in how I was treating others, and I started to complain about all the work required for this "foolish fishing" event. Turning to my father, I asked permission to leave because "I wasn't getting anything out of the experience." He looked me straight in the eyes and without even a second's hesitation said, "Maybe it's not about you."
Satan had fed me a lie. He had baited his hook with a counterfeit truth and I had believed it. He told me, "It was all about me." But, it's a lie. Ponder Satan's attitude described in Moses 4:1, "and [Satan] came before me saying--Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor." In contrast, consider the Savior's words in the following verse, "Father, thy will be done, and the glory be thine forever."[1]
Jesus Christ already understood the truth that he would teach over and over again when he would come to the earth: "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."[2] He understood he wouldn't be fulfilling his mission for his own glory. No, it would be for the glory of His Father.
The Lord told us the day would come when our generation would really believe the world's lie. In D&C 1:16 we read his description of our day: "They seek not the Lord to establish his righteousness, but every man walketh in his own way, and after the image of his own god, whose image is in the likeness of the world, and whose substance is that of an idol"[3] Idolatry of the individual.We are living in the day of fulfillment for this verse. Think of the "It's all about me" attitudes and problems of today which show that we have cut ourselves off from the prophets and walk in our own ways, after the image of our own gods:
- Self Indulgence
- Pornography
- Immorality
- Abortion
- Divorce
- Abuse
- Consumer Debt
- You owe me
- The world owes me
- Revenge
- Greed
- I know you can't do this for everybody, but I
- My body is mine, I can do with it what I want
- Lust
- Covetousness
- Instant Gratification
- Road Rage
- But, it is not my fault
We definitely aren't the first group of people to have these attitudes or problems. As we study Mosiah 11, find the words or phrases which show King Noah's "It's all about me" attitude:
For behold, he did not keep the commandments of God, but he did walk after the desires of his own heart. And he had many wives and concubines. And he did cause his people to commit sin, and do that which was abominable in the sight of the Lord. Yea, and they did commit whoredoms and all manner of wickedness.
And he laid a tax of one fifth part of all they possessed, a fifth part of their gold and of their silver, and a fifth part of their ziff, and of their copper, and of their brass and their iron; and a fifth part of their fatlings; and also a fifth part of all their grain.
And all this did he take to support himself, and his wives and his concubines; and also his priests, and their wives and their concubines; thus he had changed the affairs of the kingdom.
For he put down all the priests that had been consecrated by his father, and consecrated new ones in their stead, such as were lifted up in the pride of their hearts.
Yea, and thus they were supported in their laziness, and in their idolatry, and in their whoredoms, by the taxes which king Noah had put upon his people; thus did the people labor exceedingly to support iniquity.
Yea, and they also became idolatrous, because they were deceived by the vain and flattering words of the king and priests; for they did speak flattering things unto them.
And it came to pass that king Noah built many elegant and spacious buildings; and he ornamented them with fine work of wood, and of all manner of precious things, of gold, and of silver, and of iron, and of brass, and of ziff, and of copper;
And he also built him a spacious palace, and a throne in the midst thereof, all of which was of fine wood and was ornamented with gold and silver and with precious things.
And it came to pass that he placed his heart upon his riches, and he spent his time in riotous living with his wives and his concubines; and so did also his priests spend their time with harlots.
And it came to pass that he planted vineyards round about in the land; and he built winepresses, and made wine in abundance; and therefore he became a wine-bibber, and also his people.[4]
We can see from these verses that King Noah believed the great lie--"It's all about me." His world revolved around himself and he successfully persuaded many to follow him in his self-centered, self-indulging, "It's all about me" lifestyle. It's easy for all of us to get caught up in such a lifestyle where we think everyone and everything should be trying to meet our needs and our wants. Let's think back to the last time you were frustrated; why were you frustrated? Did we have to cancel our own plans because someone else in the family or apartment had a competing event? Did we have to adjust our thoughts or our feelings because of someone else's needs or wants? How willing are we to support our brother's event and miss our own? What about the last time we were told "no" on any subject; how did we respond?
- Pouting
- The silent treatment
- A temper tantrum
- Or just plain, "you can't tell me no."
- We may have even pondered the King Noah example of, "I'll just eliminate the source of the problem"--like he did with Abinadi.
Sometimes we read this story and think King Noah was so wicked because he killed Abinadi, but his wickedness began with an attitude of entitlement. Consider how he got into that position. His father, Zeniff, had been overzealous to inherit the land of their fathers, had rejected the divinely inspired exodus from the land of Nephi, and had covenanted with the king of the Lamanites for the land of their fathers, not realizing that King Laman had entered into such a covenant with the purpose of bringing the people into bondage. Later, King Noah inherited the enslaved kingdom from his father.
We have a parallel situation today. We are so blessed with possessing and receiving the worldly stuff that we live in bondage believing that we actually own this world. We begin to think all this stuff is ours. Satan tries to ensnare us by planting thoughts in our hearts and minds that we are owed a certain lifestyle or certain indulgences. And sometimes we reject the prophetic warnings to flee from the things of the world and the attitude of "It's all about me."
President Kimball, while speaking to the youth, said:
To do the special things given to this generation, you will need to guard against selfishness. One of the tendencies most individuals have which simply must be overcome is the tendency to be selfish. All that you can do now while you are young and are more pliant to become less selfish and more selfless will be an important and lasting contribution to the quality of your life in the years, indeed in the eternity, to come. You will be a much better wife or a much better husband, a better mother or a better father, if you can curb the tendency to be selfish.[5]
Elder Joe J. Christensen taught, "Children who always get what they want will want as long as they live. And somewhere along the line it is important for the character development of our children to learn that 'the earth still revolves around the sun' and not around them."[6]
King Noah's selfishness blurred his vision of what the Lord could do with him. Can you imagine how the story of King Noah may have been different had he learned self-restraint or if he had listened to a prophet's voice instead of advocating the idolatry of the individual?
Elder Bruce C. Hafen taught about individualism and self-centeredness when he warned about some of the modern wolves attacking family and marriage today. He said, "[Another attacking] wolf is the excessive individualism that has spawned today's contractual attitudes. ...The adversary has long cultivated this overemphasis on personal autonomy, and now he feverishly exploits it. Our deepest God-given instinct is to run to the arms of those who need us and sustain us. But he [Satan] drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, [doing it my way] and being left alone. Some people believe him--and then they wonder why they feel left alone."[7]
On another occasion, Elder Hafen taught: "Nobody really wants to be lonely, but the lifestyles associated with today's frenzied search for 'individual freedom' often lead, unsurprisingly, to loneliness."[8]
We are witnessing a downward spiral in the morals of the world as we watch a replay of King Noah's idolatrous story. For the past forty years, the laws in this country have been modified and torn apart in a search for individual identity and individual rights. Now, as never before, the rights of individuals seem to trump marriage rights, parenting rights, the rights of the unborn, rights of speech and rights of worship. It is deteriorating our relationships in every aspect of our lives. And many of you born during these past forty years are taught to believe the world's biggest lie: It's all about me. Well, it's not. The world is wrong and Satan is intentionally misleading as many as he can. He is lonely, and unhappy and miserable. Because of Satan's selfishness from the beginning, "he [fell] from heaven, and [became] miserable forever, he [seeks] also the misery of all mankind."[9]
As we allow Satan's taunting and tempting influence in our lives, the relationships around us will suffer. Many of the attitudes and behaviors that weaken relationships in family, business and education can be summed up in one word: selfishness. President Hinckley said: "I find selfishness to be the root cause of most [broken homes]. ... Selfishness is the antithesis of love. It is a cankering expression of greed. It destroys self-discipline. It obliterates loyalty."[10]
The Savior taught us how to overcome this dangerous, relationship-destroying attitude in John 10: 10-13, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." Jesus then explains how his plan works, "I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth; and the wolf catcheth them and scattereth the sheep. The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep."[11]
So, the question for our relationships becomes this: Do I care for my friends and family and neighbor as a hireling or as a shepherd? Am I willing to give of myself or of my lifestyle for others? Or am I more worried about my own wants and desires than I am for theirs?Let us return to the story of our great, selfish, "It's all about me" King Noah. He was confronted by one sent from God to correct his ways. The Lord sent Abinadi to try to save a people from the idolatry of the individual "that they might have life more abundantly."[12] Instead, they as a people rejected the Lord's prophet and lived their idolatrous lives day by day into a literal slavery.
Isn't it interesting that today we can easily identify "others" who, like King Noah, are selfishly caught in the slavery of pornography, abortion, alternative sexual lifestyles, living beyond their means, etc.
But, are we just as aware of how the same selfish "It's all about me" attitude also affects our relationships with parents and siblings, roommates, coworkers, employers, and even fellow students and faculty? Do we sense how selfish contention forces the Holy Ghost to leave us? It affects our relationships with neighbors as charity is traded for criticism and judging of others leads to jealousy. It affects our relationships with fellow students and coworkers as etiquette gives way to envy. Yes, selfishness brings us to rationalize our own selfish behavior and feelings while discounting and distrusting the efforts of others. Finally, the selfish "It's all about me" attitude destroys our relationship with the true and living God as our integrity fades to make place for instant gratification. We replace the God of our Fathers with the gods of our own making.
Unlike King Noah, Abinadi was selfless (consider Mosiah 11:20, 26). He accepted the difficult mission call to preach repentance to the people, and the people did not receive him well. I have to ask myself, "Why would Abinadi be willing to accept such a mission?" I'm sure he didn't want this mission call. He would have had many reasons to say "No." And later in the story, "Why didn't Abinadi recall his prophetic words when Noah offered him a chance to live?" Because Abinadi understood that this story was not about him. He understood that the story was really about the Savior and his loving invitation for his children to return to Him so they could have the blessings and benefits of God's plan of happiness. He knew this story was about the one--the one who may listen and become converted. And, there was one who did listen. Was Abinadi's mission worth the life it cost? It was for Alma. And it was for all those who later followed Alma. Including those of us in this room who have been led to Christ by Alma's teachings. I am so thankful Abinadi was not worrying about his own individual rights and freedom from having to serve the Lord as a missionary.
Although Abinadi was willing to lay down his life for the Savior's message to go forward, most of us will not face such a trial. But, everyone of us has been asked to take the prerequisite course, Discipleship 101. We are all asked to live as Christians and die as disciples and thereby submit our lives to our Heavenly Father's will.
I was reminded of this lesson again a few years ago when Debi and I were at the University of Utah hospital. She had just embarked on her first of seven surgeries for those next fifteen months and I was in the waiting room, pacing the floor and wondering, "Why is this happening?" I questioned, "Why me? Or Why us?" as I stood there looking out the window gazing across parking lots and Salt Lake City traffic, where everyone was hurrying on their way someplace. I thought, "Nobody even cares that we are here or that life for us is changing." I was scared and I was angry and really I was having my own little pity party. I was all-alone and I had forgotten that this story was not all about me [or us].
I sat in an uncomfortable chair alone and away from everyone else, silently praying and then writing some of my thoughts in my journal. But, I felt so alone. I felt terrible as I pondered Debi's pain and our frustration--this didn't fit with our plans. After a long hour of self-pity, I walked to the window again avoiding contact with anyone that might interrupt my self-centered thoughts.
I was only there at the window for a few minutes before I noticed an ambulance coming into the parking lot with lights and sirens on; simultaneously a helicopter was landing on the emergency helipad. I could tell something traumatic had happened and doctors and nurses were hurrying into and out of the emergency room area on the other side of the hospital. Suddenly my attention turned to the several cars following the ambulance into the parking lot and people hurrying to get inside the hospital with their loved ones. My thoughts went heavenward as I offered a simple, silent prayer for these people who I didn't even know who were facing some unknown emergency. While praying I also thanked Heavenly Father for our wonderful family and for our temple marriage. I thanked him for our wonderful children that He had entrusted to Debi and me.
As my mind shifted back to the waiting room where I was actually standing, and away from my own worries about Debi and myself and our situation, I became aware that there were several families there in the waiting room, and all of them had looks of worry and loneliness and fear. Everyone there seemed to be worried and they were either praying to God or talking amongst themselves trying to reassure each other in one way or another that their family members would be okay.
Then, it happened, I realized how self-absorbed I had been. I remembered the truth: it's not all about me. "Awake, my soul."[13] Nephi's words rang in my mind. Wow,it was an ah ha moment and I was being taught by the spirit. I had been so focused on my own feelings I had completely ignored or been unaware of those immediately around me who were in need.
I turned to the lady closest to me and asked who she was waiting for and why they were in surgery. Her story unfolded over the next forty-five minutes, and I had the wonderful opportunity to share my belief in God, priesthood power, the plan of happiness and the importance of families. That day turned out to be a wonderful experience getting to know all but one group there in the waiting room.
I learned that day that we all have the opportunity to struggle, and the more we learn about other people's lives the more we appreciate the personal trials that we have to face. That day I realized how much the Lord loves all of His children. I even had the privilege of using the priesthood for blessing one of the men in the waiting room. It was a choice experience to feel our Heavenly Father's love for His children as testimonies were shared and love was expressed.
That day proved to be the beginning of many trips to the hospital where I loved meeting people and sharing my love for my Heavenly Father. I had learned there in the waiting room for sure we can find many who need a lift. They are all there worried about their own families and friends. But if we can remember that truly the story is not about us but about how we lift others, wow, the world opens up for all of us just like it did that day for me. And we don't have to go to the waiting room to find them--we can find them in our own apartments, wards, and neighborhoods every single day.
Consider the many scriptural examples of those who understood it wasn't about them even in their time of extremity: Sarah gave her handmaid to Abraham; Jonathan supported David in taking over his own father's throne; Joseph of Egypt accepted the Lord's will in his life and became a savior to his own family despite having been sold as a slave by them; Joseph and Emma accepted their divine roles in the restoration of the gospel even though it required of them seemingly endless persecution and ultimately Joseph's life. Can you imagine how life would have been different if any one of them had listened to Satan's lie and believed, "It is all about me. This isn't fair. I'm doing something for me now. I've paid enough of a price for this eternal stuff." What a blessing that each of them hearkened to the voice and will of the Lord.
Finally, let's look at the story of the Savior. First, facing the extreme pain and difficulty of Gethsemane, he prayed, "O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt."[14] No, he did not look forward to this part of his mission but he loved the Father and he loved us. Now, ponder these statements he made while on the cross: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."[15] "Woman, behold thy son. ... Behold thy mother."[16] "To day shalt thou be with me in paradise"[17]
Jesus was not concerned about himself in this hour of horror. Instead, he showed his concern for his executioners, his fellow prisoners, his mother, Mary, and his disciples. Jesus did not fall for Satan's lure "It's all about me." He knew instead it was all about His Father and His Father's children. He understood, brothers and sisters, that it is all about His giving of His life for us. By so doing He gives us all the opportunity to experience the ultimate freedom and taste of a more abundant life, "eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God."[18]
Isn't that ironic? Satan's lie is actually a truth misapplied, a counterfeit. In reality, it is all about us. That's why Jesus did what He did. He did it for me and you and every other person who will accept Him as their personal Savior. But we can't have what He offers if we act as though the world revolves around us; instead we must become like He is and lose our life in order to find it.
I pray we will not bite at Satan's counterfeit lure of "It's all about me." Instead, I hope we will express our deepest gratitude to our Heavenly Father for the marvelous blessings we enjoy, look to lift and love those around us, serve others with Christlike love, and bring them to the Savior as He brings us--each one of us who is willing--home to our Heavenly Father to dwell with him and with our loved ones eternally. I testify that Jesus Christ lived and that He lives for that very purpose. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes
[1] Moses 4:1-2
[2] Matt. 16:25
[3] D&C 1:16
[4] Mosiah 11:2-15
[5] Spencer W. Kimball, "President Kimball Speaks out on Planning Your Life," New Era, Sept. 1981, 51
[6] Elder Joe J. Christensen, "Greed, Selfishness, and Overindulgence", Ensign, May 1999, quoting Fred Gosman, Spoiled Rotten: American Children and How to Change Them, (1992), 32
[7] "Covenant Marriage," by Elder Bruce C. Hafen, Ensign, Nov. 1996
[8] "How We Lost the Plot," by Elder Bruce C. Hafen, Covenant Hearts, Salt Lake City, 2005
[9] 2 Nephi 2:18
[10] "What God Hath Joined Together", Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, May 1991, 73
[11] John 10:10-13
[12] John 10:10
[13] 2 Nephi 4:28
[14] Matt. 26:39
[15] Luke 23:34
[16] John 19:26-27
[17] Luke 23:43
[18] D&C 14:7