Returning Home for Christmas

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Brothers and sisters it is a privilege and honor for me to have the opportunity to address you this afternoon, this being the last devotional of the semester and of the year. Many of you have end-of-semester projects that are due with upcoming finals to prepare for so it is commendable that you're trying to keep your life balanced and your priorities aligned with gospel principles as you attend devotional today.

Some of you have set a high goal to attend every devotional during this semester. What a noteworthy and fulfilling accomplishment. I pray that as I relate some personal experiences and speak about gospel principles, that the spirit will teach and prompt you individually in the things that you should do. When you feel those promptings of the Holy Spirit I encourage you to take note and plan to act upon them.

I would like to share with you an experience that I had many, many years ago. It is much like an experience that most of you will have in a few days—that is, returning home for Christmas. Now I recognize that for some of you, you may not be going home for Christmas during the upcoming break, but I hope that the message and experiences that I share with you today will be applicable in other areas and times of your life. When I was a freshman at BYU, I had just completed my first semester of college and I realized two things; one, that college was a lot harder than high school, and two, that I was really, really excited to go home.

I grew up in Flagstaff, Arizona and the drive from Provo, Utah to Flagstaff took about seven to eight hours. I was excited to be with my family and friends. I arrived home and had dinner with my family. After dinner, I grabbed my car keys and was heading toward the door when my mother asked, "Where you going?" I responded," I'm going to go look for some of my friends." She further asked, "Well, who are you going to be with and what time are you going to be home?" I told her, "Mom, I'm 18 years old now. I'm an adult. I've been living out on my own and I can make my own decisions" and then proceeded to head out the door. Now, I would like for you to take a moment and reflect upon the response that I gave my mother. Was my response appropriate given the fact that I was legally an adult and had been living on my own? Shouldn't I be allowed to act for myself?

In order to see if our words and actions are aligned with gospel principles, it is imperative to study the doctrines and the patterns that are taught in the scriptures. In the book of Exodus, chapter 20 we read the account of Moses receiving the 10 commandments from the Lord on Mount Sinai. In verse 12 we read: "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."¹

Now, there are two questions that I have for you:

 1. Does the commandment to Honor our Father and Mother only apply to those that were living under the Law of Moses?

 2. Does this commandment only apply to children up to the age of adulthood?

While teaching here at BYU-Idaho I've had the opportunity to teach a few Business Law classes. If we examine this commandment to honor our fathers and mothers from a legal perspective, we do not see any termination clauses or expiration terms stated in any of the standard works for this commandment. There is no rider or addendum that states that this commandment is only in force until you reach the legal age of adulthood. When the Savior was upon the earth he reemphasized this commandment when he stated in Matthew 19:9: "Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."² Furthermore, Paul said to the Ephesians in Ephesians 6:1-2: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth."³

In reading these verses from the New Testament, it is evident that the commandment to honor our father and mother was not one of the old things that are done away with under⁴ the Law of Moses but continued to be valid when the Savior was upon the earth. It is also important to study the scriptures to see if we can see examples or patterns of this doctrine of honoring our parents.

Let's examine an experience that Nephi had with his family while traveling in the wilderness. In 1 Nephi 16, we read the account of when Nephi broke his bow. In verses 18-19 it says:

And it came to pass that as I, Nephi, went forth to slay food, behold, I did break my bow, which was made of fine steel; and after I did break my bow, behold, my brethren were angry with me because of the loss of my bow, for we did obtain no food. And it came to pass that we did return without food to our families, and being much fatigued, because of their journeying, they did suffer much for the want of food.⁵

So what did Nephi do? He didn't wait to be commanded in all things.⁶ In 1 Nephi 16:23 we read: "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did make out of wood a bow, and out of a straight stick, an arrow; wherefore, I did arm myself with a bow and an arrow, with a sling and with stones."⁷

We know that Nephi was large in stature⁸ and we can assume that he was probably a skilled hunter. We also know that Nephi was an adult. He was married⁹ and had already proven his diligence and devotion to his family and God by obtaining the Brass Plates of Laban. Did Nephi say, 'Well, I made the bow and arrow. I am going to go out and prove to my family that I'm an adult and I can do it myself.' No! At the end of verse 23 we read a simple question that portrays Nephi's attitude. It states: "And I said unto my father: Whither shall I go to obtain food?"

This simple act of asking and communicating with his father, exemplified that Nephi was humble and obedient to the commandment to Honor his Father. Even though Nephi was a married adult, he recognized the importance of following the patriarchal order. He asked his father for counsel and directions. He did this even though his father was murmuring. In verse 25 we read that his Father Lehi "...was truly chastened because of his murmuring against the Lord, insomuch that he was brought down into the depths of sorrow." Nephi did not allow his Father's imperfections and mistakes to cause him to deviate from the way in which he knew that he should act. Nephi was going to follow the commandments regardless of his circumstances or the behaviors of others around him.

Brothers and Sisters, not only is the commandment to honor thy father and thy mother applicable to adults and children alike, it is also an eternal commandment and our very salvation depends on that eternal link that must be created between parents and children.

In Malachi 4:5-6 we read: "Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse."

In Doctrine and Covenants 128, the prophet Joseph Smith expounded upon this scripture, explaining one of the reasons why it is so important to perform baptisms for our dead ancestors and why this work cannot lightly be passed over as it pertains to our salvation.¹⁰

In D&C 128:18 it reads: "It is sufficient to know, in this case, that the earth will be smitten with a curse unless there is a welding link of some kind or other between the fathers and the children, upon some subject or other—and behold what is that subject? It is the baptism for the dead. For we without them cannot be made perfect; neither can they without us be made perfect..."

That welding link that leads back to salvation must be created between parents and children. A welding link is a strong chain made up of individual links that are hooked together and welded shut—binding individual links together. Each connected link allows for some flexibility in the chain but the welding secures the links from being broken or unhooked. Honoring our parents describes how we should treat our parents, but our salvation is dependent on us being sealed to our parents.

That relationship will carry on into eternity. In verse 15 of that same section it states "...For their salvation is necessary and essential to our salvation, as Paul says concerning the fathers—that they without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect..."

Now, some of you may have unique family circumstances which may cause you to wonder how that sealing link will take place between family members that are not living worthily for exaltation. Do not lose hope. Elder Dallin H. Oaks has stated, "Singleness, childlessness, death, and divorce frustrate ideals and postpone the fulfillment of promised blessings... But these frustrations are only temporary. The Lord has promised that in the eternities no blessing will be denied his sons and daughters who keep the commandments...and desire what is right."¹¹

Many of you are taking the new religion class entitled "The Eternal Family." One of the requirements in the class is to memorize "The Family - A Proclamation to the World". My wife is currently enrolled in this class and has had the opportunity to memorize this powerful declaration supporting the family. In the Proclamation it states that "the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." If we "fail to fulfill family responsibilities [we] will one day stand accountable before God."

Elder Dallin H. Oaks stated:

The commandment to honor our parents has strands that run through the entire fabric of the gospel. It is inherent in our relationship to God our Father. It embraces the divine destiny of the children of God. This commandment relates to the government of the family, which is patterned after the government of heaven. The commandment to honor our parents echoes the sacred spirit of family relationships in which—at their best—we have sublime expressions of heavenly love and care for one another. We sense the importance of these relationships when we realize that our greatest expressions of joy or pain in mortality come from the members of our families.¹²

A couple of weeks ago, I was riding in the car with one of my sons and he turned and asked me, "Dad, what do you think I need to do to be a better man?" I was humbled and was grateful that my son was asking for my advice and counsel. I was honored that he was following the pattern of Nephi in asking me, his Father, what I thought he should do. As I gave him advice and counsel, as a Father, I felt an overwhelming responsibility to follow the promptings of the spirit as we counseled together about his life.

Other cherished moments that we have had, as parents, is when our older children come into our room and kneel around our bed after being out at various activities. They share with us their thoughts and feelings on how their evening activity went. As parents we appreciate the respect they show when our children choose to check in with us before heading to bed. Although there are times we may be a little sleepy, this small connection allows our children to return and report to us.

President Gordon B. Hinckley stated:

No one has a greater interest in your welfare, in your happiness, in your future than do your mothers and fathers. They are of a prior generation. That is true. But they were once the age that you are now. Your problems are not substantially different from what theirs were. If they occasionally place restrictions on you, it is because they see danger down the road. Listen to them. What they ask you to do may not be to your liking. But you will be much happier if you do it.¹³

As Christmas approaches some of you may be wondering what gift you can give to your parents. President Spencer W. Kimball stated: "If we truly honor [our parents], we will seek to emulate their best characteristics and to fulfill their highest aspirations for us. No gift purchased from a store can begin to match in value to parents some simple, sincere words of appreciation. Nothing we could give them would be more prized than righteous living for each youngster."¹⁴

Now that we have studied the doctrines and patterns taught in the scriptures, I submit to you that my response to my mother was not the way I should have responded. A true disciple would not want to do his own will, but would seek for ways to keep the commandments and help strengthen his family, his brethren, and his friends.

I would like to leave you with three steps that we could all follow as we strive to honor our fathers and mothers:

First and foremost, pray for them. Our parents need our prayers. They carry a heavy burden. They need our faith, they need our support, and they need our prayers as they strive to lead our families.

Second, forgive them. In Doctrine & Covenants section 64:9-10 it reads:

Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

Every parent that I have talked to knows that they are not perfect and have made mistakes. In the family setting it is so easy to see the mote that is in your parent's eyes.¹⁵ Some of you may rationalize the lack of honor you show your parents by saying that they are not worthy, they are not living exemplary lives, or they have committed sins or misdeeds. However, remember that repentance, the atonement and forgiveness are just as applicable in the lives of your parents as they are in your own life.

The third step is to proactively show them love and respect. In 2 Nephi, chapter 2, we are taught that we are to learn to act for ourselves.¹⁶ Furthermore, in D&C 58:27-28, it states:

Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.

We need to help our parents fulfill their callings as father and mother and should be anxiously acting for ourselves as we seek to honor our parents, regardless of our age or marital status.

If you will purposefully and prayerfully, ponder and act on these three steps, I know that you will be guided on how you can act individually, whatever your circumstance may be. Each of us can honor our fathers and mothers.

While you are at home for Christmas, I hope that you will remember one more important part of your family - your siblings. Many of you have younger brothers and sisters that look up to you, they admire you and idolize you. Even though they may bother you at times, you can have a profound impact on them as you seek to strengthen your brethren.¹⁷ In the Strength of Youth it states: "Strong families require effort. Your family will be blessed as you do your part to strengthen it. Be cheerful, helpful, and considerate of family members... Strengthen your relationships with your brothers and sisters. They can become your closest friends. Support them in their interests, and help them with challenges they may be facing."¹⁸

You have had experiences and life lessons here at BYU-Idaho that could strengthen your siblings. You will be able to connect with them in ways that your parents can't. You can be your brother's keeper¹⁹ as you think of ways to be a mentor and an example for your brothers and sisters. While you are home, purposefully and intentionally look for ways to connect with and strengthen your siblings.

Elder Robert D. Hales stated that "the key to strengthening our families is having the Spirit of the Lord come into our homes." There is no better time to have the Spirit of Christ in our homes than at Christmas time.

Christmas is my favorite holiday. It is filled with family traditions, activities and excitement. With 11 children, our house is filled with a lot of excitement during Christmas time. As parents we have strived to keep our activities and traditions focused on the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ.

President Thomas S. Monson has warned that, "it is easy to get caught up in the pressure of the [Christmas] season and perhaps lose the very spirit in our lives that we're trying to gain. Overdoing it is especially common this time of the year for many of us. The causes for this might include too many Christmas activities to attend, too much to eat, too much money spent, too many expectations, and too much tension. Often our efforts at Christmastime result in our feeling stressed out, wrung out, and worn out during a time we should feel the simple joys of commemorating the birth of our Savior."²⁰

Sometimes if our hearts are not in the right place, we can miss the true meaning of Christmas. I remember one of our very first Christmases that my wife and I shared. We were very much in love and we were very poor. We bought a strand of lights to decorate our meager little fichus tree. I anticipated giving gifts to my wife that we could afford and that she might appreciate and use. I love my wife's cooking and I remembered that she had mentioned that she could use a new frying pan. I was thrilled when I found a non-stick fry pan that we could afford. Also, as a new husband, I felt that it was my responsibility to help protect our home. So practically thinking and also being an accountant and an Eagle scout, I bought my wife a fire extinguisher too—just in case! 

So I wrapped my simple gifts for her and placed them underneath the tree. Now, to this day, I still think that those are appropriate gifts, and when she opened them, she smiled and was delighted to receive the frying pan, and even smiled and chuckled when she opened the fire extinguisher—even if she did think it was little unique. She graciously received both gifts. After Christmas I overheard one my wife's friends ask her what gifts her husband had given her for Christmas. With a grin on her face, my wife shared that I had given her a frying pan and a fire extinguisher. Her friend was appalled; demanding an explanation. I tried to explain the merits of having a first-rate fire extinguisher in our kitchen but she was not impressed, and was actually a little disgusted. I am so grateful that my wife looked beyond the material objects that were given to her, and instead she looked upon the intent of my heart. She recognized my love for her, and my desire to protect her. 

No matter how humble our circumstances may be or how meager our Christmas, the first and greatest Christmas of all was the most humble. In Luke 2 we read: "And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judæa, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn."

As a father, I often reflect on the position that Joseph held, as the Savior was born into the world. The Joseph Smith translation states that there was no room for them in the inns—plural. I can imagine Joseph going from inn to inn, trying to secure lodging for him and Mary. I can imagine his discouragement when the only place they could find to rest was in a simple stable. Furthermore, at the purification offering which new parents make after a child's birth, usually parents would offer up a lamb, however, Joseph and Mary substituted two turtledoves for the required lamb.²¹ This substitution was allowed in the Law of Moses to ease the burden of those that were impoverished. Truly, "the mighty God, the everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace" was born into one of the most humbling of circumstances. It was in this setting that many sought to travel and find the true meaning of Christmas—the Christ-child born in a manger. Here was God's son, in the most humble of circumstances being loved and cared for by His earthly family.

Christmas is a time of coming together as families. I would like to share with you another time when I desired to return home to my family for Christmas. Our family had recently moved from Georgia to Rexburg for my new job at BYU-Idaho. My family had made the move earlier in the fall for schooling, but I, however, remained in Georgia to finalize details with my previous employment. A few days before Christmas, I packed up our remaining belongings and began the 2,000 mile trek to Idaho. The plan was for me to arrive at home on Christmas Eve. My wife had just delivered our tenth child, Rachel, two weeks prior. I could hardly wait to be with them. I had driven about 1,000 miles, when my vehicle broke down in the remote town of Abilene, Kansas. It became apparent that I was not going to be home for Christmas with my family, and would instead spend Christmas Day alone in a small hotel room. I remember on Christmas Eve, kneeling next to the bed, broken hearted. Sharing my predicament with my wife, I was overcome with emotion when she told me that the children had agreed that they wanted Dad home for Christmas to celebrate and open presents. Even though they were young and excited for some of the temporal aspects of Christmas, they were willing to wait until we could be reunited as a family to celebrate. On the evening of December 28^th, I finally arrived home. I thought that they would be excited to open presents, however, we have a tradition in our family to read the nativity on Christmas Eve and act it out as a family. Before any presents were opened, my young family read Luke 2 and re-enacted the birth of our Savior.

I will always remember that Christmas as one which touched my heart with love and joy as we reunited as a family and my children showed me that they were more focused on being together as a family and celebrating the true meaning of Christmas than just opening presents.

One thing that we should be keenly aware of during the Christmas season, is that for some, it can be a time of loneliness, discouragement and depression. Let me give you some words of advice that my father helped me discover at a time in my life when I was feeling discouraged. He told me to fast, pray and read my scriptures for answers and guidance in my life. Yes, this may seem to be the standard answer, but he also told me that he loved me, and that he knew that the Lord would help me find a way to overcome my discouragement. So that night I began reading and searching the scriptures. I came across Mormon 8:3-4. This is the setting in which Moroni found himself to be alone; the very last of his people. He mourned:

And my father also was killed by them, and I even remain alone to write the sad tale of the destruction of my people. But behold, they are gone, and I fulfill the commandment of my father. And whether they will slay me, I know not. Therefore I will write and hide up the records in the earth; and whither I go it mattereth not.

When I read the words of Moroni, "it mattereth not" I could feel his discouragement, his despair, and his hopelessness as he was left alone to finish the record. I eagerly read on, to see if I could discover how Moroni overcame his hopelessness and discouragement. The key was found in Moroni 7, where Moroni includes a talk that his father Mormon had given. I can just imagine, in his sorrow, Moroni going back through old journals and records and then discovering his father's talk on faith, hope and charity. As I read that chapter, I realized that if my faith was lacking, if I was feeling hopeless, then I needed to have charity. In Moroni chapter 7:45-46 we read: "...Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him."

Brothers and Sisters, if we are feeling a little hopeless and discouraged during this Christmas season, I would encourage you to perform simple charitable acts that help you to find the hope and faith described in Mormon's comforting counsel to his son Moroni: "And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise..."²²

During this Christmas season, as we celebrate and commemorate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ, I hope that we will remember that He is our Savior. He set an example of how we should honor our parents. During the final moments of His life, while hanging upon the cross, Christ showed great concern, love and honor for His mother. In John we read: "When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son!

Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home."²³

The Savior also honored his Father in Heaven by saying, "The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for whatsoever things [the Father] doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise."²⁴

And in His final hours, as the Atonement drew near, Jesus honored his Father in Heaven as he prayed, saying: "Father, the hour is come. ... I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do."²⁵ Then, as the weight of our sins fell upon Him, He pled, "O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt."²⁶

I hope that as we return home for Christmas that we will remember to honor our parents with love and respect. Have the courage to act upon promptings that will help you to show respect, love and kindness to your parents and family members. I am grateful for my precious wife and wonderful children. I testify that the Family is eternal. I know that the infant born in humble circumstances under the star of Bethlehem was our Savior, Jesus Christ, and He came into the world, to be our Savior and redeem us from sin.

As Isaiah stated: "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace."²⁷ His pure love for us endureth forever.²⁸ I know that as we return home for Christmas, there is no better way to bring the true Spirit of Christ into our home than by honoring our parents and celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior. I know that there is no other name or means under heaven by which salvation is given than through Jesus Christ.²⁹ Of this I testify, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

 

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 1. Exodus 20:122.  Matthew 19:193. Ephesians 6:1-24. 3 Nephi 12:475. 1 Nephi 16:18-196. D&C 58:26-277. 1Nephi 16:238. 1 Ne. 4:319. 1 Ne. 16:710. D&C 128:1511. Dallin H. Oaks, "The Great Plan on Happiness" Ensign, Nov. 1993, 7512. Dallin H. Oaks, "Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother" Ensign May 199113. Gordon B. Hinckley, "Stand True and Faithful", Ensign May 199614. The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p. 34815. Matthew 7:316. 2 Nephi 2 13-1417. Luke 22:3218. For the Strength of Youth, 2011, pg. 14-1519. Moses 5:3420. Thomas S. Monson, "Christmas is Love", 2012 First Presidency Christmas Devotional21. Luke 2:2422. Moroni 7:4123. John 19:26-2724. John 5:19; see also verse 1725. John 17:1, 426. Matthew 26:3927. Isaiah 9:628. Moroni 7:4729. Acts 4:12.

Fall 2015 Audio Transcript