Ease the wedding day stress:run away and elope
- posted: 13 Mar. 2008
- scrollspecial@byui.edu
The last thing you want to do in your marriage is start off on the wrong foot. I know that. But the question you’ve got to ask yourself is this: Which foot is the wrong foot? Is it the foot of being up to your eyeballs in stress with a fistful of quarters to your name after you blow your life savings on mint truffles with your initials silk-screened on them? Or is it the foot of tricking your fianceé into eloping?
I think the wrong foot is that stress-quarters-mint-truffle foot. As for me, I think I’ll take the elope foot and run with it.
Since getting engaged, I’ve experienced the following conversation on an almost daily basis:
Me: “I’m getting married in May.”
[Insert any married person here]: “Oh my gosh! Have you thought about the reception?”
Me: “Yeah, we’re planning it out now.”
Married person: “How are you going to decorate? Have you reserved the place? Are you going to have fresh flowers or silk ones? What are your colors? Blah blah blah? And what about blah blah blah? Make sure you blah blah blah blah BLAH blah blahhahgggahhahhh!”
It’s really quite annoying.
My fianceé has read me all these statistics from bridal magazines about how weddings cost an average of a million U.S. dollars, and she said that most non-LDS couples start planning the big day more than a year in advance. Furthermore, the wedding to-do list increases in length with every person I talk to.
All of these are great incentives to elope. Somewhere else in this newspaper, you’ll probably find a mile-long checklist of things to do to prepare for a wedding. Below I’ve included the standard checklist for planning a successful elopement. You may want to compare the two lists side-by-side to determine which wedding is right for you.
OFFICIAL CHECKLIST FOR ELOPEMENT:
Driver’s license
Car
About $100 in gas (or really cheap plane tickets, in which case you don’t need the car)
Map to Las Vegas
Cardboard cutout of groom and bride
Voice recorder
You may be wondering about the last two items. These are the solution to the wedding gift problem. Normally if you elope, you have no reception and therefore no presents. However, with this checklist, you can still schedule a reception and hit the jackpot on presents. All you need to do is place the cutouts in the reception hall with the following message playing on repeat:
“Hello, and welcome, friend, co-worker, ward member or random relative. We are currently enjoying our honeymoon, but please place your gift on the table to the left, help yourself to some really dry wedding cookies, and have a great day.”
While this plan is foolproof, it will probably take more than a newspaper column to convince my fianceé to grab a bouquet and veil get in the car.
Besides, I really am looking forward to a real wedding. I just hope there are lots of truffles left over. 
