Shakespeare isn’t the only one with a good question
To kiss or not to kiss
When it comes to kissing, I’m a purist. As a somewhat traditional dater, I believe that kissing is just not something you do on the first date. It’s always disconcerting to play the game of Have You Ever?
in FHE and find out someone has kissed more than 30 people.
It seems that with people like that, kissing is just something you do with everyone, like shaking hands when you’re introducing yourself. Or some sort of competition — the more kisses you have, the better.
When my sister was dating her future husband, he asked her how many people she’d kissed.
Two,
she said, with doe-eyed innocence.
I hate talking to people like you,
he replied, partially joking, but semi-serious.
Why do some make fun of people who haven’t been out smacking lips with every Tom, Dick and Harry? I guess it’s just like everything else in life, and the goodie-goodies
get the shaft because of their lack of experience
.
Then again, I’m not the type of person who thinks you should be VL
until the altar.
My heavens, you have to be attracted to your future spouse, and how are you going to find out if you never kiss him or her?
Moving on, I think this tirade mostly came from the fact that your attitude is a bit casual about kissing. I think deciding to kiss someone should come from dating that person seriously, which is, for me, when you’re dating only that person.
But we could get into the whole question of what serious dating
is. And I guess in the end, it’s all the same argument of how soon you should get engaged after you start dating.
Bottom line for both situations: when you feel it’s right. Maybe not necessarily when you feel completely comfortable, but it should be something that isn’t rushed or forced by either party. Mostly, it just happens naturally if there’s chemistry between two people, and it’s been an appropriate amount of time.
So maybe it’s after the third date for some, but that’s not the rule of thumb for everyone and their dog.
Especially their dog.
Kissing, eh? For starters, it’s important to remember that there are hundreds of different personal philosophies when it comes to kissing.
I know a man who will kiss any woman who looked like she might enjoy it. I also know a man who absolutely did not kiss anyone until he was engaged.
I’ve heard stories about people who never kissed a member of the opposite sex until they were married to one, but I’m very skeptical about those. My personal philosophy falls somewhere in between, and I imagine most people’s do.
I’m not here to condemn anyone’s ideas about kissing, but since this is an opinion column, the following is my opinion.
Kiss a woman only when your reason to do so is on a higher plane than My hormones told me to.
I believe kissing should be an expression of commitment and attraction on a deeper level than she’s hot
. I strongly oppose non-committal-making-out, or NCMO as it’s more commonly called, because it degrades kissing to something base and meaningless. Choose whom you kiss carefully.
The other component to knowing when to kiss a woman is knowing whether she wants you to kiss her. This I am a bit more fuzzy on, to be honest. I’m not aware of any women who will flat out tell you they want you to kiss them, so it’s up to you to interpret the clues an interested woman will offer. At the classic doorstep scene, here are some things to look for:
- She’s fumbling for keys. This is to give you enough time to make your move. If she quickly gets the door unlocked and runs through it to safety, she’s not interested.
- Watch for eye contact. There is a
look
the interested female may give that is her unspoken request to be kissed. This cannot be described in words. You just have to recognize it when you see it, brother. - Have you known her long enough? Long enough is a subjective term, I know, but here’s what I’m getting at. If you’ve spent every waking moment with her for the past two weeks, that may be long enough. But if you’ve gone on two dates with her over the past two weeks, that may not be long enough. Use your judgment.
To sum it up: be patient, be discriminating and be of good breath. Mazotoa, ry rahalahiko. 
