Dangerously and maniacally, it comes bent on the destruction and humiliation of all students, faculty and staff of BYU-Idaho.

And apparently there is little hope for escape.

I’ve seen it on many occasions this fall, and during these past few weeks its prevalent nature has all but increased.

Rest assured my dear friends, I’m not talking about Elvis.

Friends, has anyone sneezed on you lately? Coughed in your general direction? Wiped a nose with a bare hand only to shake yours afterward?

Yikes.

The cold bug is here and it’s not leaving. Thanks to some handy work from your friends and mine, this bug isn’t going anywhere. In order to fight this menace to society, we must educate ourselves.

Little-known Fact #1

Germs spread. And unlike honey butter, there is nothing sweet about them. I feel that when I am in class and a classmate “sneezes in his arm,” he has just committed a violation of my personal space bubble.

Why? Because when the reaction to sneeze—I’ll say cough, too—comes, it is unthinkable to think he can get that mamma-jamma covered before it crosses into my breathing space. Oh yeah, just because you sneeze in the bathroom doesn’t mean you are exempt from covering up.

Give yourself some buffer room, friends.

Little-known Fact #2

When you say “bless you,” you’re actually referring to yourself. Why? Because you are preparing yourself to be infected by whatever projectile is coming your way. The repercussions are serious, too.

And for me, when a cold is caught, it can feel like the College Republicans and Democrats are bickering in my throat. And let’s be honest: If we don’t want it on campus, why would we want it in our throats?

So say, “bless you,” and stand up to your local politicians.

Little-known Fact #3

Leaving used tissues around is gross. I don’t think any commentary is needed.

Little-known Fact #4

Purell is not an end-all cleanser. Sure, it might make you feel good using it after a workout or before a snack, but when you unleash those heathen germs on your hands, fingers and upper lip, be sure to use some soap and water. Consider it a public service.

Now I want everyone to know that I’m not talking about the people infected with a cold. It’s those crazy germs themselves acting like Danny Bonaducci locked up in a cage waiting to wreak havoc on the human populous.

I know studying is escalating and finals are coming up, but if we use these little-known facts to educate ourselves, we might just bite that bug.

Do this and trust me, life will be good.

So, so good.