Q: Nachos or hot dogs? And how can you keep your hands clean from those greasy balls? Eating something with such filthy hands seems highly unsanitary.
Signed,
Not Cho Cheese

Ahhh, junk food and sports. No other combination brings males together better than a good game and greasy food. As to which greasy food you should consume while at the alley, I think it’s an individual decision. As for myself, the old saying, “You are what you eat” has naturally always had me lean more toward the franks. And, if your cheesy-chip consuming compadres’ scores end up well below yours, you can console them by saying, “Hey guys, it’s okay, it’s just nacho night tonight.”

It is sad to admit, though, that sometimes the things bringing us guys the most joy can also bring about our downfall. I’m not talking about clogged arteries and higher blood pressure when we’re retired, or even the dent it puts in our wallets. After years and years, the bowling balls in many alleys have become permanently coated with a layer of mixed nacho/hot dog grease. Thus, many bowling balls have been transformed into the equivalent of a 16-pound slippery soap bar.

Besides the danger this poses to your own toes, it can also be a very real threat to anyone standing directly behind you, should you lose your grip on your backswing. These super-slick balls also cause problems for anyone who puts a spin on the ball when they bowl, since the ball won’t interact with the lane the way an un-greased ball would.

So what’s a guy to do? It may look as though he has to make a choice: the game or the food. But wait! The miracle of modern science has once again saved the day. Purell instant hand sanitizer comes in a pocket-size (1/2 fl. Oz.) container. The ethyl alcohol formula kills 99.99 percent of germs without water or towels, and, as the ad says, “leaves hands feeling refreshed without stickiness or residue.”

The benefits don’t end there either. Purell also contains moisturizers and vitamin E: great for when you shake your date’s hand goodnight. Or, if you’re not already on a date, it might come in handy (along with a stick of gum) should you catch that girl in the next lane giving you a look that says, “Hey, hot dog.”