With my back straight in a stiff chair (the only way I kept from falling asleep during morning study) I read the lines “love thy neighbor as thyself,” from Matthew 22. Christ identifies this as the second commandment, “like unto [the first],” which is “love God.” I was midway through my mission and I struggled at the time with a companion who I felt was very critical. As I read these lines about love it occurred to me that maybe my companion didn’t love himself very much. Thus he actually followed Christ’s admonition — loving me as much as himself. It just wasn’t a lot.

That’s far from an authoritative interpretation of Matthew 22:38, I know. But when I read that scripture I saw my companion as something other than a plain old jerk. I saw my companion’s need; he needed to feel accepted, like he was worth something. It changed the way I acted toward him and he, in turn, was kinder toward me.

We all behave the same way. We all have our own set of needs that have got to be met. The physical ones are the most obvious: nourishment, hydration, rest, physical activity. Our other needs — spiritual, emotional, etc. — are less obvious, but just as important to our well-being.

We’re like plants in that regard.

With sunlight, water and good soil a plant will flourish and be healthy. But take one of these away and the whole plant will suffer, no matter how well the other requirements are met. A plant without sunlight won’t grow regardless of how much we water it. If we lack a feeling of social acceptance, for example, we will struggle to grow no matter how well we are fed and clothed.

How do we react when we have a roommate who tries too hard to be funny and clings to you, socially? What do we think when a sibling over-reacts to something small we say? We can, as we usually do, become angry or frustrated or annoyed. Or we can look for a cause for their behavior and try to help them.

I heard a story about a shepherd tending his flock. A lamb bolted and ran over an adjacent hill before the shepherd could catch it. Despite the shepherd’s calls the lamb continued to run until it came to a spring where it stopped and drank thirstily. As the shepherd caught up to the lamb, instead of scolding he said, “Oh, it was because you were thirsty that you ran. I’m sorry I did not know,” before leading the lamb back to the flock.

Often times we will be the lamb, acting out our own need and we can hope for compassion. But on other days we will have a chance to act as the shepherd. To the roommate we can give a circle of friends. To the sibling we can ask if there is something wrong, if there is something we can do to help. It is by acting this way, with an eye to serve, that we can meet the unspoken need and fulfill another of Christ’s commandments: Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.