Last week, a case study featuring expectant mothers who were on antidepressant medication made its way into headlines, thus assuaging the rumors of women having a happy “glow” while pregnant.

The study, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, concluded that the commonly-acknowledged myth that pregnancy envelopes an expectant mother in a glow is just a myth, and pregnancy does not automatically ensure a woman to be in a constant state of euphoria.

For Jessica Dudley, a former student and new mother from Portland, Ore., nothing could have prepared her for what she experienced during and following the birth of her daughter, Abigail.

During her pregnancy, Dudley recalls a particular event in which a pantyhose run became the end of the world. Dudley was getting ready for church and accidentally put a run in her hose. This sent her into a crying fit — one that wouldn’t stop.

Although her husband tried everything to help, nothing worked. The blues didn’t stop.

“After I had my baby, I was a wreck,” Dudley said. “I didn’t know what to do with her for one thing. I thought I was a terrible mother, not cut out for this work.”

But the thoughts didn’t stop at merely “not measuring up,” they went deeper.

“Honestly, thoughts kept running through my head; what if she dies?” Dudley said.

Afraid to tell anyone but her mother about what was going on, Dudley went into reclusion.

“I thought people would look down on me, like ‘She’s all depressed, why talk to her?’”

Dudley suffered in silence for two months before things started calming down. Looking back, Dudley regrets her decision not to see a doctor.

“I wish I had gone to the doctor and told him what was happening and asked for help; they have drugs,” Dudley said. “If I were to give advice, go to the doc if you’re feeling like that because it would help a lot.”

A few months later, Dudley is doing fine and doesn’t regret having a child at all. She has decided that the next time she has a child and experiences depression, she won’t hesitate to get professional help.

“[I’d go] right to the doctor that moment, because it was just ridiculous,” Dudley said.