* Editor’s note: The Bonanza is an instructional column on the how-to’s of bowling. Brett is the Scroll in-house bowling guru, he being currently enrolled in his first ever bowling class. The letters to him are in no way fabricated . . . almost.

Q: Dear Brett,

How can I hit that darned seven-ten split? I can’t seem to knock them down. HELP!

Signed,

Lonely in Lane Three

Aaah, a seven–ten split, huh? I deal with this kind of problem every day: Should I wear plaids or stripes? Khakis or Levis? Comb-over or spike? Mohawk? Well, since those are probably against the Honor Code and don’t raise your score in our sport, I’d stay away from them.

The answer to your question, my friend, depends largely on your situation, and how much you’re willing to gamble. If, for instance, the only reason you signed up for Beginning Bowling 128 is because you thought the retro-style shoes were cool, then it might be a good idea to just roll for a corner and hope for the best.

But, if you’ve got Fred Flintstone twinkle-toes (which help in about any stressful situation) and a date to impress, then try this: set your feet up in the center of the marks for the approach, hold the ball and mutter bowling terminology to yourself. After synchronizing your breathing rate to coincide with the square-root of the rpms your ball will be rolling down the lane, stare down one of the pins (right-handers should probably choose the pin on the right and vice-versa for lefties). Make a smooth approach and throw the ball passionately. Aim to hit the pin on the outside shade.

Hopefully, if your breathing was calibrated correctly and your lucky stars were aligned, the pin will be sent flying at an angle to hit the back wall of the lane and bounce back up to knock the remaining pin over.

A note: how hard you throw the ball will be more important than hitting the ball on the outside shade, since getting the first pin back onto the lane is the first objective. It doesn’t hurt to eat Chinese at lunch and get a good fortune cookie either.