LONG

A ‘lot’ of space on campus

Stephanie Long LON02008@BYUI.EDU sassy pants extraordinaire

America once stood for the land of the free, brave and other amazing nouns. Unfortunately, America has slowly turned into something else — the land of the vacant lots.

Think about it. There are tons of old, vacant buildings sitting all across the country and right beside it sits a new building. Why do I care? I care because this epidemic has now officially affected our campus.

The old McKay Testing Center is vacant; a new one has been built. What are we going to do with the old one? I figured since the school hasn’t made a move to revamp it into something else, I would offer some suggestions.

1) A black market for textbook sales –— Obviously this is a crucial need in our community. People need more money for their books and with the cost of “keeping things legal” on the rise, this is a solution. Also, things tend to be cheaper when you buy them illegally, like those designer handbags you can buy on the streets of NYC.

2) A daycare center — With an abundance of children in Rexburg, daycares are bound to be getting tight. The location of the old testing center, in the tunnel, is bound to offer kids a sense of adventure. Also, being in the darkness and forced to stay inside will prepare them for years of public school.

3) Parking lot — We obviously need more parking spaces on campus, because everyone needs to drive to avoid those oh-so-excruciating three-block walks — what a killer. Plus, it would finally provide overhead protection for the students’ oh-so-glamorous vehicles.

4) Laser tag — I guess I will suggest “fun,” even if I do not believe in having fun. If it was a laser tag arena, the bowling alley wouldn’t be so crowded and we could have guns on campus, yippee!

5) A bomb shelter — All I have to say is Idaho National Laboratory + terrorists = big boom. Enough said.

I’ve only got one left, but I saved the best for last:

6) A museum to honor Martha Stewart, an American icon — I am sure that her company would be willing to give the school some memorabilia for the location. Mixers, tea towels, cutting boards and shiny knives. I can see it now!

Although I would prefer the old Testing Center be turned into a museum to honor Martha, I’m just pleading with whoever is in charge to do something with the vacant space so Rexburg does not turn into a town of vacant lots. If you don’t like my ideas, just move the Testing Center back to its original location — at least for finals week.