Picking on someone your own size is highly over rated and potentially dangerous. I mean, what’s the fun in that? It’s a no-win situation. One, they’re probably going to jam their foot into your eye socket, and two, if you’re going to win, you’re probably actually going to have to put in some real effort.
Effort is for people who want to get ahead in life. Please leave me out of it.
As for me, I like to pick on people smaller than me. Mostly I concentrate on children and smaller toothless animals like frogs and very old dogs. See, now, in this situation you’re much safer and there’s a higher chance for immediate gratification.
I’m almost certain that I can successfully pick on 53 percent of children without painful retaliation (watch out for their nails). Seeing as I am larger than most 5-year-olds, it’s great fun to hold them upside down by one foot and laugh like a maniacal madman ... not that I would ever do that.
What am I trying to get at? Well, I’m trying to say that a fair fight is boring and that the days of honor and chivalry have been replaced with pranks and trickery. Let me give you a fine example:
A few weeks ago Rexburg had a good snow. We had enough snow that some friends of mine, who live in The Abbington house, decided that they would delight themselves with the creation of a snowman and snowwoman. Well, they did make their snow-people and they were very happy with them. But then, some boys decided that they would have fun too!
Here’s what they did: One morning these women were standing outside of their housA Ce waiting for their ride to pick them up when suddenly, this car drove up and some unknown boy stepped out. He made eye contact with one of the girls, whipped his head towards the snow-people and dashed over and shoved them down with a large grin on his face. He then jumped back into the passenger side of the car and they drove away.
Oh, what fun that must have been! Now, see, here’s the genius of it all: Instead of picking on something that was actually alive, he decided to pick on completely inanimate objects! Oh, yeah! I never thought that destruction of property could be so much fun, but those boys proved me wrong.
The beauty of this story is that this boy came eye to eye with the creators of those snowmen. See, he had the option of taking the fight to these girls by throwing snowballs, but like me, he abandoned bravery and saw that that course of action would take too much effort. Instead, he decided to destroy something that those girls at the Abbington had put effort into.
Here’s what one girl, Tanya Garlick, a freshmen from Portland, Ore., had to say about the attack on her snowman and woman: “It’s not so much that I wanted to hurt him as it was that I wanted his face to run into my fist.”
So what would I prescribe to everyone who is having a self-esteem issue? Find someone smaller than you and make fun of or annoy him or her. It’s free and it makes you feel great. I’d also like to mention that I am 6-foot-11, I weigh 250 lbs. and I, of course, know Kung Fu; I’m Asian, after all.
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