Nguyen

Dear Becky

BECKY BOUSHLEY BOU02002@BYUI.EDU cupid’s couple counselor

I had a guy friend share a recent dating adventure that was simply appalling and could definitely be learned from.

So this friend of mine, we’ll call him Gilbert, is a wonderful guy. I mean eight cows wonderful. He’s spiritual, ambitious, funny and a hottie-pa-tottie. He is basically the perfect man, so what’s his problem?

Well, Gilbert got out of a serious relationship awhile ago and was taking time to get back into the dating swing, but when he did women just didn’t seem to be getting the signal.

For example, he had his eye on a girl for a little while. He did the usual sweet things: stopping to chat with her on campus, calling her, inviting her out on dates. But after their one-and-only date, she didn’t seem to have time for him.

Gilbert came to me asking if he should keep pursuing this young woman or give up. We analyzed her sincerity and reasons for not being able to come out when invited, and it seemed the woman was simply a busy person who could potentially be interested.

So, Gilbert kept pursuing, in a very sensitive, non-stalker way that any girl should find sweet. And finally after a week or two he got his break.

She again could not come on a date with him because she was attending an overnight school event; however, this time the woman invited, or should we say urged, Gilbert to come along.

Gilbert had other plans, but being the great guy he is and wanting to give this a chance, he cancelled them and went to the event.

Communication in this situation seemed clear, didn’t it? The woman wanted Gilbert to come to be with her, didn’t she?

Well, when Gilbert arrived at the overnight event and found the young woman on a double date with another man, he was defeated.

Gilbert has officially relinquished his fight for the woman and wishes the other man well, but wonders where he went wrong.

I’ve reassured him that he didn’t do anything wrong, and that hopefully the other man will be able to interpret this confusing woman’s signals, but an experience like that would be enough to make a man give up.

Have you had a situation like this? This kind of thing happens to both men and women and really needs to stop, especially for my dear friend Gilbert. (Who is still available and if you are interested you should talk to me and I will screen you and then introduce you, if appropriate.)

We all need to practice thinking about what we say before we say it, and then using the most clear words to express the appropriate thought.

If we did this maybe the Prince Charmings of the school could finally find their Sleeping Beauties.