Jackman

Don’t get your hopes up preemies, “Dear John” letters are coming

Brad Jackman JAC01016@BYUI.EDU I wouldn't wait

My Home Evening sister is gorgeous. She’s fun, energetic and happy. But she’s 18. And she’s dating a preemie. 

He’s a nice guy, a real class act. They’re obviously in love, and I’m not trying to stop them, but let’s get real here. They’re planning their future together, but none of us really expect it to work out.

In come the exceptions and the examples. My cousin waited for her missionary, my grandma waited for my grandpa. The list goes on. I’ve heard them all, but I don’t believe it. It’s all a conspiracy.

I was a missionary; I know what the truth is. We heard a new Dear John story weekly.  Some cried, some wanted to go home — most toughened up and got back to work. Almost universal to every story is that the missionary swears he can get her back. I thought I could, but the RM was faster.    

Before I left, I heard everyone telling me it wouldn’t work, it couldn’t last.  Sure enough, letters got distant, she got a boyfriend, and I got over it. Now my story isn’t proof of anything, and nobody with a boyfriend on a mission or a girl waiting will believe me, but if you do make it, you’ll be beating the odds. And the odds are harsh. 

Here are the cold hard facts from Hayward Alto, a former BYU student who studied the Dear John culture for a folklore class. By Alto’s calculations, 90 percent of girlfriends either send a Dear John or just stop writing, according to the Salt Lake Tribune. Ninety percent — that’s a lot.

So, you may be one of the 10 percent who waits, but things get worse. Seven out of those 10 break up after he gets home. Ouch. That means like only three out of every 100 girls actually make it to the wedding. For some stalwart souls, dire odds aren’t enough to deter their devotion.

“If people know me for more than a day, they know I’m serious about my missionary,” said Breann Waggoner, a senior from Salem, Ill. She’s held out for 18 months, and six more aren’t going to stop her. Waggoner dates occasionally but never lets it go very far.  She can’t forget her missionary; his picture is on her homemade pillowcase for a nightly reminder.

I truly hope it works out for them, but I have to chuckle every time I hear of someone who is going to “beat the odds.” Hey, 3 percent make it, right? Why not try? 

Just to be safe, though, make sure you future missionaries have a long line of girls who will write to you. You’ve got to remember, there’s guys like me who are lined up and waiting for their beautiful Home Evening sisters to send their missionaries off. And just for the record, if my picture is on your girlfriend’s wedding announcement in a few months, don’t take it personal. It probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway.