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Former yo-yo, future bride
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Everyone says the engagement’s hard. What they didn’t mention is that the entire dating process was equally, if not more, difficult.
See, I’m engaged, and have been for a month-and-a-half. I’m confident I’m making the right decision about marrying Matt. But if you had asked me two months ago, you would have received an extremely unsure answer.
I was what you’d call a yo-yo.
I came to BYU-Idaho last year as a freshman. I loved the college life, and found that guys here were great. I dated a bit, and was definitely playing the field. I had an eye on one of my Home Evening brothers, Matt, and we ended up spending a fair amount of time together.
“Just date Matt for one month,” a friend told me.
“No way! That’s way too much commitment for me,” I argued.
I was playing the field, and avoided getting into a relationship like the plague.
I created a set of rules, which I entitled “The Yo-Yo Code Book:”
1. I can only hang out with Matt four days a week.
2. Matt and I can’t hold hands or cuddle, because then he’ll know how much I like him.
3. I can’t sit by him in sacrament meeting because then people will assume we’re dating.
I was still playing the field.
Ridiculous, I know.
Finally, there was a breakthrough. I admitted we were dating.
But, that didn’t last long. Over Christmas vacation, I decided to break things off. My family didn’t believe me, as I talked about him all the time.
I proved them wrong. We really did break up … for a month.
That month I realized I didn’t want to date other guys. I wanted to be with Matt.
I was through playing the field — but not done being a yo-yo.
I knew I wasn’t dating for fun anymore. Throughout the next eight months, Matt and I talked and spent time together every day. The more I knew him, the more I wanted to know him. I finally was able to say the big L word at the end of April.
However, my problems increased exponentially at this point. I wasn’t deciding whether or not to date him, I was deciding if I was going to marry him.
Even when we were thousands of miles a part, talking three hours on the phone daily the entire summer, I had my fears.
I couldn’t even say the phrase, ‘getting married.’ In our phone conversations Matt and I would use the phrase, “If we got that’d’,” instead.
Back in the same state, as fall semester started, I began diligently seeking for clearness of thought. I wanted to be able to put aside my fears and marry Matt, or to break things off for good if that was necessary.
Now you must understand that decision making of any kind is very difficult for me. For example, when I go to restaurants, I either order the same thing I’ve had the last thousands times, or I sit there staring at the menu. When the waitress comes to take the order I make a rash decision until two seconds later I change my mind. It is not unusual for me to change my order three or four times in a two minute period.
As you can imagine, making the decision that church leaders say is the most important decision of my entire life was an ordeal for me.
I fasted. I prayed. I received a father’s blessing. I read everything I could, and had that question on my mind continuously. I was an emotional wreck.
Until one day in religion class, it seemed as though everything was specifically for my concerns. As those small promptings came to me, I was finally at peace. I knew if I would put aside my irrational fears, and have faith, life with Matt would be so good. One week later I had a ring on my finger. Since then, I’ve had no worries.
I don’t know why making this decision was such an ordeal for me, but it taught me through experience. I may have been an extreme yo-yo, but I don’t think I’m too different than most.
Finding the right one may require patience and more patience. Hang in there. In the end it’s worth it. I promise.
HELPFUL LINKS
