My brother is getting married this month. He and his bride-to-be have opted not to hold a formal reception, contrary to tradition.
As they made this decision, they were worried that some of their friends and families would be hurt or offended that they weren’t holding a reception. Undoubtedly, some have been offended. But why should they?
I realize that where tradition is involved, feelings quickly get hurt. I do believe that tradition has merit, but so does reason. So, let’s reason together.
No human experience is more tradition-laden than marriage. Man and woman meet, fall in love, and want to live together forever. That’s great. It’s all very good and natural.
For such a simple, natural experience, however, why do we need so much formal pomp and protocol? Doesn’t that just turn the wedding into a stressful, unnatural event?
This is a happy time, not only for the bride and groom, but also for the family, friends and acquaintances. Undoubtedly, they want to offer their congratulations and best wishes at this important time in the young couple’s lives. Perhaps they even want to help the newlyweds get started, in a financial sense. I believe that there is a better way to do this, however, than with a wedding reception.
First of all, there is the cost of the reception to consider. Clothes, food and everything create a hefty tab, usually taken by the bride’s parents. Are all of the toaster ovens and VCRs that the couple receives worth that much money and effort?
Those that do want to present the newlyweds with a gift, can do so quite easily without going to a reception. There is nothing tacky or ungraceful about giving gifts in a non-formal setting.
Boring financial matters aside, what about the people that want to wish them well? How will they feel?
We live in an age of communication. If writing a nice letter of congratulations isn’t enough, one can make a phone call, send an email or text message, or even just visit the couple. He or she would have done so anyway for the reception.
I’m sure that with all of the time that the couple saves by not having to plan and perform a reception, they would just love to receive visit after visit from their well-meaning loved ones.
Further, a wedding is most important and joyous specifically for the bride and groom and their immediate families. What logic, then, would induce us to have them stand awkwardly for hours in formal dress while we, the visitors, quickly pass through the line, grab some snacks and sit comfortably for pleasant conversation? Somehow, I just don’t get it.
So, call me stiff or loose or whatever you will. I think that as a reasonable, gospel-centered society, we should do away the burdensome ornament that is the reception, and focus on the simple, eternal nature of the ordinance.
1. “Personal Preparation for Temple Blessings,” Russell M. Nelson, Ensign, May 2001
2. “Preparing for my Endowent,” Rachel Barton Morris, New Era, October 2004
3. “The Most Important Step,” President F. David Stanley, New Era, June 2000
4. “The Holy Temple,” Boyd K. Packer
5. Eternal Marriage Student Manual
6. Ensign articles about temple and preparing for marriage
Source: Larry Thurgood
HELPFUL LINKS
