Youngquist

Rejection is a part of life, honestly

Kevin Youngquist YOU98008@BYUI.EDU Honesty is my best policy

There is a serious threat to the social chemistry between the sexes. It has to do with the handling of rejection in a progressing relationship.

You must ask yourself how you dish out rejection. Are you gentle and kind, or do you deal out the denial like it’s coming out of a fire hose?

I had a chance to talk to girls about their technique for telling a guy that they aren’t interested in dating, and I found that there is a strong dislike within the general female population of coming out and just telling a guy she is not interested.

Why is it so hard?

I submit a possible reason for the almost fear-like attitude the ladies have for being straightforward and honest about their feelings: Think about how guys react to rejection.

When a guy is hit with rejection, no matter how mean or how sweet the girl may be, it hurts. The pain is a part of the journey and the lesson. However, pain is what fuels the guy’s reactions.

When this pain is felt the natural reaction is to protect his ego by unleashing a backlash against the rejecter.

The ways guys respond to relationship rejection vary but can still be wrangled into two categories: mature and immature.

Ladies, I am sorry to be the one to tell you but if you tell your guy friend you are not interested in dating him after he has offered to take you on a date, you run the chance of losing him as a friend.

It’s the truth ­— he may never talk to you again, but really, if that’s how he reacts, why would you want him around?

Another backlash from the rejection may be in the form of denial.

Please, allow me to elaborate with one of my character-molding personal experiences.

A girl classmate approached me one day in fourth grade while I was talking with some of my buddies. I had passed her a secret note earlier that day with the all too familiar question scribbled in my best penmanship. Below the question were two boxes labeled “Yes” and “No.”

“Kevin, did you write this note?” she asked.

I was so embarrassed in front of the boys that I shouted “No,” with the accompanying roll of the eyes and quick awkward laugh.

It was the same “No” you might use to deny such things as stealing the last cookie out of the cookie jar — which you know you did.

Hint for the future: that kind of “No” is never believable.

I have to admit that I followed that “No” with a question that I wish I could take back.

“Why would I write a note like that?” I said.

In this case, I didn’t even wait for the rejection. The reaction was a direct insult to her and a lame defense for me.

Unfortunately, I have heard of some experiences on campus where guys have taken rejection similar to my fourth grade experience.

“No, don’t worry, I didn’t like you that way anyway. I just wanted to be friends,” is quite the same as the cookie jar “No.”

To avoid these scenarios, and save face for both parties, the ladies have adopted a mindset to avoid the whole process.

However, this mindset is flawed, no matter how well-intentioned it is.

Let me know if you can see the flaw in this lady’s thinking: “I don’t want to hurt my guy friend’s feelings by coming out and telling him that I don’t like him like he likes me. To protect him and be a nice person I will take the better path and use some simple tactics.

“First, I’ll give him the silent treatment or if I ever see him I will treat him like he has some contagious disease.

“Second, I will give every excuse not to go out with him such as ‘I have to study for a quiz all Saturday night.’

“Or third (my personal favorite) I’ll have someone else tell him that I don’t want to go on a date with him — my roommates or mob of girlfriends.”

Does this really make the situation better; are feelings really safeguarded?

Sorry, but I refuse to accept this interpersonal exchange. I therefore encourage both genders to take a higher road of communiqué.

We guys must learn and understand that rejection is a part of life and it doesn’t take away our self-worth. As we better understand rejection, we will react more civilly and the trauma that has accompanied rejection will be lessened.

In turn, the ladies must be honest and upfront when they find themselves in these situations. We guys ask only to be treated as we treat.

Just think about the time that will be saved if this was to take affect across the genders.

Stress levels would decrease, smiles would be more prevalent and Louis Armstrong would come back from the dead just to perform at BYU-Idaho and play nothing but “What a Wonderful World,” to which we would all hold hands and sway.