OPINION COLUMN Dating: the equal roles of man, woman

M.P. McNaughton guest writer, BYU-Idaho alumni

Part I

Desire for companionship is inherent. “Neither is the man without the woman, nor the woman without the man in the Lord,” according to 1 Corinthians 11:11.

We need each other to succeed in order to fill the measure of our creation. However this becomes problematic when we are unable to connect.

Many different issues stand in the way of making that connection. They range from fear to indifference. The most difficult part of the process, however, seems to be getting a date worth the attempt for connection.

Pursuing rests upon the men, and I acknowledge this without resentment. There are certain roles that men and women perform; the role of pursuer happens to be the one that men historically and socially possess. The Women’s Rights Movement has not changed that.

When a woman desires a man to pursue her, it in no way belittles her, or makes her powerless. It is an equal balance of power, because women have the power to accept or decline the advance of a man.

So what do women want? I do not presume to speak for all women, although I do hope to speak for most. Women want a man who is emotionally, spiritually and professionally steady; and please don’t forget, a man who will pursue. There is something incredibly attractive about a man who sees something he wants and is assertive enough to pursue it. Where are these men?

Part II
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There are fewer and fewer “good men” in the world. And even fewer of those “good men” may share our same beliefs and values. Oh the tragedy of meeting “…an amazing man who says you are a queen and treats you as such.”  

 

My North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song

                                                --WH Auden

 

Then he says he won’t embrace the gospel principle you treasure. What are you to do in such a situation? I honor the women who with broken hearts and tearful eyes walk away from a man because she desires more than “noon…midnight…talk [and] song.” She desires eternities. Yet after walking away she is left without.  

After chocolates, talks, Ben and Jerry’s, sappy movies, hard runs, angry explosion, prayers, fasting and blessings, we get on our feet and get to work. Delete his phone number, e-mail address, his mom’s number, his work number and forget his dog’s name. Do not call the new guy you just met with any excuse because you want to get him to ask you out. As a wise man said to me, if he likes you, he will ask you out. 

Anxiously engage in life. Put away the idea “I am just going to be a mom someday, so I don’t really need to worry about getting a career.” Finish that education and begin your career. Find the thing that brings a light to your eyes and puts a smile on your face (and it shouldn’t be a man). Something like dancing, acting, painting, writing, running, weightlifting, soccer; anything but a man. Serve, serve, serve, and then serve some more.

So until that man steps up and becomes our North, South, East and West, from eternity to eternity, we move forward. Easier said than done? Definitely. Possible? Absolutely.