OPINION COLUMN Hanging Out vs Dating: Perplexed in Pineview Part II Editor’s Note: Each week I will respond to two or three questions or stories from readers. Along with my response, an actual psychologist or counselor will give their advice. E-mail your questions or stories to scrollopinion@byui.edu. The Scroll reserves the right to not publish any questions or stories. Write-ins will be anonymous, but please include your Rexburg place of residence.

I was recently sitting in the apartment of a group of great young men discussing dating and relationships, as I’m sure that many of you have done (since dating is the most popular topic to discuss on this campus), when I had an epiphany:

No matter how many times we, the student body, push and pull the topic of dating around, nothing will be solved until we take action on our perplexities.

Last week, we discussed the social habit of “hanging out” versus dating, and this week will be a continuation of this subject and how we can actually take action to change this trend. Because it is just a trend, as I’m sure Elder Dallin H. Oaks would agree.

Continued from last week, Perplexed in Pineview wrote “ ... And even when they do go out on a date, if the guy asks the girl out more than once or twice, he runs the risk of getting turned down because she might be figuring things are starting to get too serious too fast. Can we still use dating as a means to get to know people, or is this only a practice reserved for a guy and a girl that think they could possibly marry each other within four months?”

Yes, we can still use dating as a means of getting to know people. But if you also want to use it as a way of letting a girl know that you have special interest in just her there are some extra steps that need to be taken.

There are two general types of dates: The large group “getting to know you” type of dates and the small group or single “you are special to me” types.

If we want to start using dating as a replacement for “hanging out,” then we should use the large group dates. These dates are basically “hanging out.” They just have a little more planning behind them and the opportunity for just the one person to get to know their date, if they desire.

I believe that if a man were to ask a woman out on as many as five of these large group dates, he would not communicate anything other than friendship; especially if he never tried to pair off with that young woman on any of the dates. By this time he would definitely know whether he wanted to pair off with her or not, and she would also know whether he was her type.

Obviously, not all forms of “hanging out” will end. Apartments of young women and men will continue to visit with their friends. But this kind of friendship is so open to communication that it is easy to tell whether a person likes you as a sibling or as much more.

Thankfully, I have kept your attention to this point of the article because I am about to discuss the most important aspect of this plan to change our social trend: honesty and communication.

Without communicating our feelings to those we want to get to know, this process of dating will be rough. It will hurt when someone doesn’t agree with the feelings you express, but at the same time, when they do, it will be one of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences of your life.

It is easy for me to say that we should be honest and should hang out less. But when all is said and done, actually doing it will be hard. Look deep inside and find out what actions express your true feelings, and then do them.

See also: "Perplexed in Pineview"