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She glances at the towheaded little apple of her eye, perched inches away from Nemo on the television screen, and smiles. Turning back, she shakes her head and lets out a little chuckle. She is Brandie Peck, a senior from Rexburg. He is Ethan, a one year old and Brandie’s son.
Brandie is one of 60 divorced students enrolled at BYU-Idaho for Winter Semester 2005. She was married in a civil ceremony on Nov. 9, 2002. The courts finalized her divorce on February 24, 2004.
Divorce put her alone, along with millions of other Americans. A recent study found that 11 percent of the American adult population is divorced, and 25 percent of adults have had at least one divorce according to religioustolerance.org.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that in 2003, 7.5 per 1,000 people got married and 3.8 per 1,000 got divorced. America is no stranger to divorce. Neither is the Church. In fact, Utah’s divorce rate is slightly above the national average, according to divorceforum.org.
During Fall Semester 2004, the divorced student population at BYU-Idaho sat at 44, according to the BYU-Idaho Web site.
Despite the growing number of divorced students, the divorced experience has hardly become part of the mainstream culture around campus.
Brandie still felt lonely in the sea of more typical students. She experienced nothing of the coed life most girls on campus take for granted.
Simple differences mark the divergent path divorced students walk. Brandie, for one, hasn’t been thinking of “a ring by spring or your money back.”
The Church may have plenty of instances of divorce, but the stigma stays. In addition to this “divorced” label, Brandie carries the responsibility of solely parenting her 20-month-old son, Ethan.
Prospective dates of hers felt uncomfortable when they learned about the extra little person that comes with Brandie. “Automatic turndown,” she said.
In contrast to the losses divorced students like Brandie experience, she notes that through the experience she realized what she needed and what she wanted.
“This is who I am,” she said. Those scary could-be dates didn’t matter when she grew into her new skin. She knew that she could have something better.
The loneliness helped Brandie grow up. She learned self-reliance and realized leaning on other people wasn’t always best or even possible. She also learned the art of balance. While being independent, she learned to accept help.
Despite her rapid maturity acquisition, fear from her past pain still crept in. “I was nervous about loving again,” Brandie said. She wondered whether she even could love again, and worried about being left again if she did.
Jitters wracked Brandie as she prepared to tell one special person about Ethan.
Enter Camron Ellis, a freshman from Pocatello, Idaho.
“He just smiled the whole time,” Brandie remembers of the last boyfriend she explained Ethan to. As for Camron, he just knew that he liked her. “There are more important things than circumstances,” Camron said.
One major turning point of Brandie’s transformation, according to her, was the first time she kissed this last boyfriend — her future husband — Camron. When it happened, “I was just … physically attracted, spiritually attracted, emotionally attracted,” she said.
The connection she felt to Camron made her sure she could get it right the second time, even if the first had eluded her.
Just like comparing apples and oranges proves totally useless, the situations are completely different.
“I don’t compare them,” Brandie said in a definitive statement of her personal policy. “They’re totally different people.”
Because she knew she was able to make a better life than she had previously known, Brandie admits she expects more of Camron than she expected from men in the past. Brandie elevated her standards and values through her experience with divorce.
She realizes that through the journey, Ethan must remain the most important thing “for both of us,” Camron added.
When asked to tell the story about when Ethan first called him “Daddy,” Camron’s eyes get moist almost immediately.
“It was one of the most precious moments I’ve ever had.”
Knowing the role he plays in Brandie’s life also impacts Ethan so deeply; it added a new dimension to the relationship’s dynamic. Camron knew this relationship required more responsibility, and he didn’t want to make any mistakes.
So they readily prepare to become a family — Brandie, Camron and Ethan. With a June wedding in the works, logistics prove to be the most stressful entity in their future. The trio looks forward to the temple and their future. Here’s to second chances, the power of love and Brandie’s ring by spring.
