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| Parental roles change after children leave home |
by Ami Heyborne
HEY01001@BYUI.EDU
Scroll Staff |
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Children in kindergarten are completely dependent on their parents. They rely on them for support, love, decision-making and getting through the day in general.
Adolescents in high school break the ties to their parents somewhat. They make their own decisions and to some extent, support themselves.
When a sons and daughters leave for college they embark on the journey by themselves. Though their parents are still their parents, their roles tend to change.
David Duerden, an professor of Child and Family Studies at BYU-Idaho, said there are changes in child parent relationships when the child leaves the nest. For the first time the child is on his or her own.
“They’re trying to find their own self and own attitudes,” Duerden said.
All parents can do is send their children off and hope they raised them right, Duerden said.
Though the parenting role changes, the relationship between parent and child tends to improve when the child leaves home. The children begin what their parents have been telling them their whole lives, Duerden said.
Gina Sorensen, a senior from Fallon, Nev., has found the truth in this.
“It’s like I’m starting to learn things and have experiences that they’ve had and tried to explain to me, but I didn’t understand until now,” Sorensen said.
Sorensen said she feels since she has left for college she is not as emotionally dependent on her parents.
“I am learning how to solve my own problems,” she said. Sorensen keeps in frequent contact with her parents but said she doesn’t have to talk to them everyday as she did before.
Robert Harry, a sophomore from Salt Lake City, has found his relationship with his parents has changed since he left home.
“They treat me like an adult,” Harry said. “I’m not under their wing anymore.”
Harry advises students to be grateful for what their parents did for them, and how they raised them. These lessons will seem to mean more to students later in life.
Emalee Kohler, a junior from Keizer, Ore., notices the role her parents play in her life. She has been forced to become more independent living away from them. She said she feels she is now on a more even level with her parents.
“They talk to me like more of an adult,” Kohler said. Kohler still asks her parents for help and advice, but she is able to solve her own problems now.
More parents tend to validate as their children get older according to the essay “Let them feel what they are feeling,” by Gary and Joy Lundberg. Validation is “walking beside another person emotionally without trying to change his or her direction,” according to the essay.
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