Parenting Tune-up

Submitted by: Reed Stoddard

Parenting is one of the greatest joys of this life. Unfortunately it can also be one of the most stressful. I find it helpful to periodically remind myself of some basic parenting strategies so that I feel that I have a plan, not just reactions to my children. I think it is helpful to sort children's behavior into three categories:

First: Behaviors that you like and want to see more of. These behaviors can be increased by recognizing and praising them. Attention is a powerful motivator. Giving praise is one of the simplest, yet most influential parenting tools, but one that I often forget. It is important to praise the act, not the child.

Second: Behaviors you dislike and want to see less of. These behaviors should be ignored. Even negative attention can motivate a child, so ignoring will decrease behaviors you want less of. Follow the ignoring with praise when you see a more acceptable behavior.

Third: Behaviors you find intolerable and want stopped. These behaviors should be handled by direct commands with consequences for not responding such as time out, or loss of privileges. Don't give a warning (threat) that you are not willing or able to follow through with (another area I slip up on). Sometimes it is helpful to instruct the child on what you would like to see instead of the unwanted behavior.

All Parenting strategies have their limitations, but I find these concepts helpful. The things that are the most challenging can also be the most rewarding. I think this is true for parenting.

Good Luck!

R News & Notes--October 1, 1998