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Develop
a solid friendship upon which courtship and marriage can be built and
thrive, Susan Tanner told students during her devotional address Tuesday at
BYU-Idaho.
Tanner,
Young Women general president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints, began by saying, “Friendship is necessary to our well-being –
not just nice – but necessary. We all hunger for it; it’s a
universal need.”
She
told students that positive friendships are of paramount importance to
young adults all over the world and plays a key role in developing a good
marriage.
“Friendship
should form the foundation of romantic love – the love that leads to
courtship and marriage,” she said. “Likewise, both friendship
and romantic love can only become what God intends them to be when they are
founded on charity, the ‘pure love of Christ.’
“Couples
whose love is based on charity want the best for each other. Their love is
infused with the pure love of Christ. These are the qualities we should
seek for in courtship and marriage.”
Tanner
said one of the truths her mother taught her was that a successful marriage
doesn’t happen automatically.
“She
told me it takes work, that you can never let a single day go by without
nourishing your marriage relationship,” she said.
Tanner
explains that communication is the way a good relationship begins and also
endures.
“A
relationship may never develop into a courtship because it can’t get
beyond inch-deep generalities. When there is no communication in a marriage
relationship difficulties arise, misunderstandings occur and feelings may
be wounded.” she said.
Tanner
encouraged students to not just look for looks, but “look for friends
who embody Christ-like character. As you date, seek friendships which have
enduring strength and which can provide a firm foundation for a marriage.”
She
then talked about how the physical relationship between a man and a woman
can be wonderful and good – “a beautiful blessing.”
She
also warned, “if the physical part of romance comes too early or too
fast in a relationship, it can take over. Then it can become the tail that
wags the dog.
“Our
physical emotions are powerful and exciting. This is how they are meant to
be. But this is precisely why they need to be kept in check until other
fundamental parts of the relationship are developed,” she said.
Tanner
then offered students four ways to protect themselves from falling into
temptations: Avoid the dangers of the dark; beware the hazard of the
horizontal; remember the perils of privacy; and modesty is a must.
She
concluded, “I hope that each of us will find such joy in our lives
through our covenant relationships with friends, family and God. We must
remember that deep friendships are built on Christlike virtues. Such
friendships form a sound base upon which to build a courtship. And finally,
very carefully, the physical relationship will enhance that holy
friendship.”
Devotionals
are broadcast live on KBYI 100.5 FM Tuesdays at 2 p.m., and are rebroadcast Tuesdays and Sundays at 9 p.m. Ronald D. Anderson, religion
educator at BYU-Idaho, will speak at the next devotional Nov. 18.
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